There was a really good commentary in Boundless last week about the Taylor University tragedy, if you've had a chance to read about or follow that story. The enduring faith of these two families is very much out of this world's understanding.

Check it out.

***

Work was encouraging tonight.

There is no reason to be ungrateful for where God has me this summer. Experiencing the power and provision of God often (and immediately) flattens pride.

Pride. I feel like it's one of the biggest (if not the #1) struggles in my journey with Jesus. And the thing is (I think I've blogged about this before), I really have nothing to be proud of on my own, because most of the 'tangible' things I hold value in or look to for encouragement aren't Kingdom-centered.

God is still dealing with me.

Thank goodness.

***

I'll blog tomorrow at some point. Sara and I are hanging out and hopefully I can just spend some good time with God and family. I'm looking forward to that.

Take care.

-Jessie

[ how bizarre, how bizarre ]

Beth and I were talking late tonight & were reminiscing about that cheesy 90's song, How Bizarre. Have you all seen the music video? It's pretty ridiculous.

Today I was thinking about last summer at Tusculum -- the Student Affairs staff, baseball games, incoming freshmen, Orientation, RA Training, the South, sweet tea.

What random places God has us in sometimes.

So anyway, that sort of led into thinking about how crazy and beautiful it is that in two months or so, a brigade of freshmen and their families will be at Muskingum moving in. And moving into the first floor of Kelley! Woah.

In Texas I had the opportunity to talk to a few other undergrads who serve as RAs at their respective schools, which was really helpful. They talked about some of the programming they've done and also went deeper into struggles they've had in regards to floor violations, having to manage dozens of students, etc. There was one thing, though, that was consistent: the way that their faces lit up when someone would ask about their position as an RA.

I saw that in RAs last summer too -- in Emily and Amy, in Angel and John. Even in the summer, they would stay up late to work on bulletin boards and door decorations until 1 or 2 am. Especially Emily. She really, really cared about her floor.

You know, I think I have a basic desire to be deemed a 'cool RA' -- you know, good programming and personality -- not too strict -- school spirit. Not so much fulfilling a How to Be a Cool RA checklist, but being more natural and authentic or something. Oh, man.

Okay, so in the big scheme of things, I'm not cool enough, obviously, and college students see right through checklists and our attempts to be too relevant.

These girls who will be moving into Kelley 1 in a few months are going to be on the lookout for someone to trust in, and I want to be that person. But here's the thing, though: I can't be that person if I'm not daily giving my life over to God -- my friendships, my time, my work, even my sleep.

I want to serve these girls. Love them. Care for them when they're puking, even. I can't run full-force into that without first understanding that God has gone before me and I'm just a vessel. But you know, maybe I shouldn't say "just a vessel," because God's in the business of changing hearts and wants to empower us for that work. Either way, no time or energy or cool idea will be productive without really surrendering my whole life to God.

It's going to be hard, I think. Sometimes I do a sort of Etch-a-Sketch in my mind to picture what things may look like on Kelley 1 next year, which is kind of funny because I have no idea. I can only trust that God is equipping and preparing us all now to really live out His love for the students we will be living alongside for 9 months.

It's going to be a lot of fun to see that love permeate Kelley Hall soon. And really, every corner of campus.

-Jessie

[ sing along if you believe in freedom! ]

A few early-morning thoughts. Not really connected in any special way. :)

The final evening in Austin our group had a talent show, and a few guys from Oberlin College (in Northeast Ohio) performed a sort of talking/singing/dancing/piano and mandolin-playing piece about a sort of "despair-to-hope" experience with the college's dining hall service deemed the "Fourth Meal." David, who is a really cool guy heading off to seminary in Chicago this upcoming fall, told of the students' love for -- but also disappointment in -- the service, especially because they rationed only 3 mozarella sticks per student, and apparently, David wanted more. Oberlin College students are admitted hardcore and committed public protesters, so I guess he and some other students had a sit-in at the cafeteria, singing a chorus that I'm finding myself humming along to at work. Crazy. I may e-mail him to see if they have audio of this song so I can post it on this site. It is just so funny and definitely 'epic' in the sense that it had everyone's arms around each other while we repeated, "Sing along...if you believe in freedom!" I mean, it was about mozzarella sticks! But anyway, that's what the title of this blog entry is all about. Praise God for random, eclectic and talented guys from Oberlin College. Oh yeah, David was eventually allocated 6 mozzarella sticks.

***

Life is a process, and I need to embrace that, I think. I can't begin to understand the intricacies of this world or of people all around me without recognizing that this journey is undoubtedly a process to savor. A process in which to be stretched and grown and challenged. A road that will be bumpy in seeing a world that is not yet completely whole, but also a journey grounded and urged forward by the movement of God in this world.

Like the pastor we met during our emerging church workshop said, spiritual transformation among communities is so, so important. Jim definitely has a passion for that city and for living out communal faith in Austin.

It was good to visit an emerging church in Austin. Surfing their Web site has also been helpful. Their mission statement is really interesting -- I wish Jim had passed out the extended version to our group. But anyway, the emerging church is intriguing to me. Sometime soon I'm hoping to travel to Cleveland to check out another EC. I mean, you really have to wonder if this is how we'll 'do church' in the next century.

One thing that surprised me about the EC is that sacraments are highly regarded and practiced. More about that later, probably.

***

In one sermon this week, the pastor talked about a picture she found recently -- a photo of her father holding out one hand -- one hand firmly providing balance enough for the feet and weight of his two year-old daughter (the woman).

She was surprised, not necessarily because her father could hold her entire body with one hand, but because she had her arms lifted in the air and a huge grin on her face, seemingly proclaiming something like, "Look at Daddy and me, world!"

She made such a cool transition to the freedom we have in Christ -- secure in the the gospel and empowered to confidence in the power and strength of Jesus.

It sort of reminds me of Paul's proclamation in Romans 8, like a lot of things have been lately:

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." (v. 15)

We can have that kind of relationship with God. Wow.

We can have an Abba-cry that yearns for and finds security and freedom in a resurrected Christ.

I'm pretty sure that most one year-olds wouldn't have had that much excitement in the support only one of their parent's hands, but you know, she painted a cool picture of what our freedom and joy in Christ can look like.

-Jessie

[ for it is in giving that we receive ]

Like my friend Matt, also a blogger and a FTE Fellow, I feel like I could write for hours about the conference we just attended in Austin, Texas.

I haven't been challenged to that extent in a long time -- to really be able to articulate and think about faith in new ways, to dialogue with other Christians in an ecumenical setting and to be stretched -- big-time.

I had the opportunity to journal quite a bit while we were in Austin. Being able to process multiple times each day by journaling was helpful, and really allowed for honesty about how God was moving during that time. Writing by hand is something that I need to do daily, I'm beginning to discover. Blogging is helpful, but there is a certain transparency that comes with not being able to rely on the <-Backspace button.

***

The Holy Spirit was so evident in the community of 150 or so people at the conference, and with that power came beauty. Lots of beauty. I'll share just a few things for now.

• Yesterday evening we had a Taizé/Prayers Around the Cross worship service, which was one of the most amazing things I've experienced. Foot-washing, anointing and prayer stations were all available -- all practices that I haven't encountered in awhile. There was a certain near-physical tangibility of God in that chapel. I've been reading about intercessory prayer in Paul's letters and in The Fuel and the Flame, and last night during a time of anointing and prayer at the altar, that truth became very real. Powerful.

• Nathan, who went along with our group to Austin City Church on Friday (our emerging church workshop), sat with a few of us undergrads yesterday at lunch. At an earlier session, he had told the group that he is currently serving his congregation as outreach director, describing his congregation as "...the lonely man at the local bar, the mentally disabled woman and the amputee-veteran." There were a few 'missing links' to his story that I was wondering about, so I just sort of asked, "How'd you get from that to this?" He went on to tell one of the most --if not the most-- honest, humble stories of God's redemption (literally a reaching-down-and-moving redemption) I've ever heard. His story seemed like it was out of a Donald Miller book, really. But that's not the point, so I'll just move on to something he said that had our whole table in a sort of silent awe:
  

"I think of it as a river. We're all building boats, really, and some of ours are bigger than others. My brother has a rather large boat built, actually. And the size of my boat was approaching that, too. We're attempting to head upstream, though, and the waves are crashing into our vessels. Well, the storms came and my boat was completely destroyed. Everything -- gone. Me -- knocked out of the boat I worked so diligently to craft on my own. But I'm learning that our movement upstream isn't what God intended. I'm now moving downstream, just me in the water. I'm still struggling to hang on -- my head is just above the water. But you know what? I'm still breathing. God's moving me."

• Yesterday morning we had 3 1/2 hours of silence and time with God. Surprisingly (or not so surprisingly) quite a few things that are deemed as 'counterproductive' tend to bear fruit. It was good. We need to practice this more often.

There's just so much to say about these past five days -- well, not really about 'them,' but about God and community and brokenness and transparency...wow.

You know, I'm just excited about Him and about ministry, and am really desiring genuine whole-life worship.

His grace is beyond every rational or imaginative thought I could ever conjure up on my own -- His working in our tainted world to bring His peace is just so big. (Isn't the English language sort of frustrating sometimes when we see God in a new way? I mean, thank goodness we're not serving an exclusively 'Western God,' because our words aren't adequate. And not just because they're English, but because He's that much beyond the systems, measurements, time and space of this world.)

Yet...He's entered our world in a sort of beautiful "intersection of heaven and earth." We can now dig deep in faith. That is still very new and surreal to me.

Let us persist in seeking the face of Jesus Christ.

More to come.

-Jessie

Wow. This conference has been really good.

I've written quite a bit while I've been in Texas, just not via the Web, so I'm excited to blog about a few things that have been really stretching and beautiful here.

We are heading off to Austin's airport soon, so I'd better close. May God bless you richly wherever you are!

Take care & look for another entry soon.

-Jessie

[ maybe redemption has stories to tell ]

- Worship on Sunday went well. The message came together -- God provided words, honesty and energy. There was nothing to be worried about, as usual. It's hard to learn to trust in that.

- Laura (Eric's girlfriend) is here visiting for a few days, which has been nice. She is wonderful! Last night she, Eric and I hung out for awhile and watched Jurassic Park. She's auditioning this afternoon in Pittsburgh and will be heading back this evening.

- On Wednesday I leave for Austin, TX for a conference. A week or so ago they sent us the options for seminars and such. I'm really looking forward to a few of the presentations on emerging church and also being able to meet and talk with other undergrads exploring ministry.

- God is good and at work in this world. Jesus is bigger than any worries or doubt that I have. Truly.

- Romans 8: I want to understand God like that.

Keep seeking Him.

-Jessie

[ long hours ]

Disregard the previous entry. I pray that the following entry will be more meaningful and will help better illustrate what I've been seeing and thinking about lately.

I think I've mentioned that I've been working pretty long hours. Eight and nine hour shifts are pretty common, and I haven't gotten the 'break' routine down quite yet, so honestly, I've been tired.

I think once you start diving into the 50+ hours/week range, you're at risk for serious burnout or may start to go through the motions -- I mean, really -- work is what you do -- work occupies your time, emotions, thoughts and energy. I've never really experienced this before, but I'm beginning to see that many people in America are living this life day-in and day-out. Once August 18 approaches, for example, they'll still be working for $2.13 + tips. And to be honest, they'll probably be pushing for longer hours -- their children will have set out a school supplies checklist and will want to shop for new school clothes. Every kid does.

***

Someone should have been celebrating today, but was broken.

Someone couldn't find the strength to hold back tears today.

Today, my coworkers were tired. Really tired.

I won't be able to process all of these things this summer, but there's one thing that has occurred to me over and over again: God aches for these people.

He yearns for them to know Him. He wants to relieve their physical, emotional and spiritual exhaustion. He longs for them to know that they are important, vital and urgently needed.

This is the absolute truth: I cannot offer anything to these people but the unconditional love of Jesus Christ. There are no words that will ever be comforting enough. I can't simply say,"I'm really sorry this is happening to you -- that's not how things are supposed to be." I can't apologize enough or offer them support without offering them the Healer and Deliverer.

These people need Jesus.

If we really take the time to look all around us, we can see the reality of our fallen world is just that -- a reality. It reveals itself in ways much deeper and cutting than we can see at surface level. Not just in 'moral behavior' or radio talk show 'sin,' but in loneliness and pain and tears.

We've been separated from our Creator and feel the burden of a world that just doesn't make sense.

I can sympathize and even empathize with my coworkers, but my own ability to 'piece' things together for these people is slim. Okay, none.

I must share Jesus with them. There's nothing else to it, really. I have two more months with them, and nothing else matters. Not how much money I make or my tendency to want to get into a 'comfort zone,' and definitely not my desire for them to 'know' me -- you know, 'who I am' or something like that. (I read recently that pride has no place in a Christian's walk because we have nothing to be proud of on our own. Someone's discipler actually said that to him after he admitted that he was struggling with pride. Definitely convicting and poignant.)

God yearns for our transparency in the trenches because it is then that we understand how real and evident He can be through us.

Not because we can ever say or do the right thing, but because we are able to -- and compelled to -- share the gospel of salvation and grace to the people He cares about, yearns for and loves.

It's a beautiful and urgent message that God has called us to share.

We must. I must.

[ the kingdom and the kitchen ]

Still thinking and praying about this entry.

Today I was struck by the crazy parallels of working in a restaurant with the Body of Christ. God certainly uses what we 'know' to see His face more clearly.

For now, a few prayer requests. Send me yours. I'd love to lift you up in prayer.

- Unexplainable, Spirit-driven energy: a few long shifts & late nights are imminent in the next few days.

- Sunday's message, service and worship: I'm unequipped, unprepared and untrained in every sense; a whole-life embrace is vital.

- Friendships: God has really provided for some good conversations and interactions in the last week. I need to trust that He has gone before me & offer these friends nothing of my own, but Him alone. Truly.

Take care, friends.

-Jessie

[ to live is Christ ]

I just got off the phone with my friend Kaylah, who tends to speak truth in my life on a regular basis. She said something like, "Jessie, you need sleep. You'd better not be online when I sign on later tonight." Kay is right, as usual. Four hours of sleep doesn't cut it when you have to work. :)

- Speaking of work, I have been enjoying it a lot lately. The men and women I work with are funny, personable and just beautiful people, and I am really craving more gratefulness, more vision and more time spent in prayer for them. For the first time in awhile, I desire to understand what it means to live and speak a day-in, day-out gospel -- to really be focusing in on how God is pursuing these people's hearts and drawing so near to them. I don't know what these relationships and interactions will look like in the next few months, but things are good, because wow, we serve a big, good God. (You know, it's also been refreshing lately not to have a "countdown" to something bigger. This is new.)

- On Sunday, I'll be giving a message at our church's informal service held at a local marina. I'm really looking forward to this. I'll be leading some worship too, I think, so guitar practice is necessary before then. Since Sunday is Father's Day, I'll be speaking on God as Father -- and God fathering us. (More about this after I've finished writing it.) I'll be speaking a few other times at the marina service and once or twice in front of the entire congregation. I feel the most 'alive' when I am speaking in front of people and am just really excited for these opportunities. Prayers are appreciated. :)

- God is dealing with me and is eager to continually transform my entire life and the lives of those around me. I must cling to Him.

- Philippians and The Fuel and the Flame = wow.

- More complete blog entries later. :)

Take care!

-Jessie

[ beautiful display of power and surrender ]

One thing that I've been learning lately is that God's plan for my summer, the upcoming school year, my future career and relationships, even, is infinitely beyond my own understanding. I can't begin to rationalize how this, this or that fit together in the 'big picture.' Really, I just need to trust in this: if our sovereign, powerful God is working for the good in a fallen world, then He certainly has a firm grasp on my life.

It is very cool to me that God pursues relationship with us when He could have, perhaps, provided salvation and life in a way that was less painful than stepping into flesh -- something that was a little more sensible for Him, you know? There's no substitute for the substitute, apparently.

The God of the Bible isn't known for quick-fixes that aid brokenness only temporarily. Instead, He really does interact with us in complete power over our suffering and pain. What's more, He rejoices with us in our joy!

Really, we should be running. Not away, but into His arms. Flinging our whole lives into His embrace.

-Jessie

who shall bring any charge against God's elect?
it is God who justifies.
who is to condemn?
Christ Jesus is the one who died -
more than that, who was raised -
who is at the right hand of God,
who indeed is interceeding for us
Romans 8:33-34

[ monday - monday ]

I have the whole day off work today. Woohoo! (Tomorrow begins another work week at the CB. Morning-to-early afternoon shifts again!)

Vicar Jean (our pastoral intern at Zion) and I had lunch today. She has been interning at our church for about two and a half years now, and has helped to develop quite a few areas of ministry. It was so great talking to her -- we caught up on 'church happenings,' ministry at Muskingum, family and had the chance to talk about Myers-Briggs, missional community, the enneagram, Paul, the emerging church, postmodernism and cars. Quite the variety!

Anyway, we were also talking about spiritual gifts and she said, "Jessica, your heart is in outreach."

I nodded my head at first, but then sort of just blurted out, "I'm not sure about that!"

***

She reminded me of our interdenominational weekly youth meeting in high school, and of Young Life and Relay and Crusade, and started asking me what was really driving me to be an RA next year.

I think I just said something like, "Oh, man."

What was cool about this, though, is that I was able to get a glimpse of what Jean really wants for her ministry beyond Zion -- she described it as beyond these four walls and outward thinking. She is going to make a big-time impact for Jesus.

***

This is what I love about the Body of Christ: those who are seeking out Jesus and have seen us through good and tough times know us and love us, and are able to encourage us with their words and the time we spend with them.

I want to be this kind of friend to others, and pray that God will use me like that in others' lives.

Take care!

-Jessie

[ to You - less is more ]

My pastor here at home in Huron has a knack for communicating big and important ideas in clear and meaningful ways. It is definitely one of his gifts -- one that he has recognized, practiced and developed. I think that is cool and really respectable.

***

Today, our church (as part of the ELCA) celebrated "Trinitarian Sunday." Honestly, I had no idea there was such a thing, or that our church and pastor were going to take such an active role in dialoguing about the importance of "Trinitarian Sunday."

Apparently, the day is simply this: a time for the pastors and congregations to reflect on the nature of God. How cool!

Talking and learning about the nature of God is really powerful for me. I'm not sure why that approach resonates with me so much, but it always has.

***

During a typical Young Life season, the first six or so Club talks center around the "Person of Jesus," which basically are short talks intended to give the students a good idea of what Jesus was like in flesh -- short but moving glimpses of His interactions, relationships and claims to help set up the following "Big Four" talks -- Need, Work of Christ, Appropriation (Why? and What does it mean to be committed to Christ?) and The Christian Life (basically a leader or student testimony).

This semester's new weekly meeting for Campus Crusade for Christ also took this approach: first, "Characteristics of Jesus," and then a four-part presentation of the gospel.

Though it was definitely a challenge working through this progression, I think it helped us -- Evan and me, our team and others who were able to 'catch the vision' -- better understand that we have a huge, urgent responsibility to clearly communicate both God's nature and His work in Jesus Christ.

***

Today's sermon, then, was pretty compelling. It got me seriously thinking about a few things:

• God's perspective. Pastor talked quite a bit about time -- God created time but lives in eternity, God's timeline is not ours, etc. He also talked for awhile about God-understanding versus human comprehension. Big stuff!

• We can't make sense of God's nature, but we can trust that it makes sense for redemption. The way he expressed this idea was good and so, so honest. I wish I had more notes on this one. I'll stop by the church sometime soon with my digital voice recorder in hand (okay, not really) and get some more scoop on this one. :)

• Exploring the Godhead may muddy up the waters a bit, but we know one thing: the nature of God is good. The big, lingering questions seem to be, "Is God really good?" and "Does He really desire the best for my life?" We need to earnestly "take God up" on this, I think. God working for the good of those who seek Him is real. We need to dig deep on this one. (God-is-good at face value barely skims the surface, it seems.)
  

• His love is surreal and incomprehensible, yet it's relevant, reachable and vital for our lives. This is so important, and honestly pretty scary because I don't deserve this and am in no way adequate or prepared enough for this kind of love.

-Jessie

[ the sound of...music? ]

The Kingdom of Couches is one of those books that tends to linger.

It's the sort of book that you intend to file away after you've read it, but then wake up at 3 a.m. only to mumble, "I need to find out what he said about this one thing in this one chapter..."

(Random thought: this book would be ideal for jumpstarting a small group with friends or ministry partners. Check out this Web site for ordering info and a downloadable discussion guide -- a 15-page PDF file: very cool.)

Throughout KOC, Walker copy and pastes entries from the blog he and some of his CCC team members at the University of Texas keep so that they can dialogue about God, faith issues, family, ministry, etc. One of the guys, Brett, is given quite a bit of space in Walker's book, which turns out to be a pretty good thing. In the chapter entitled Sinking the Ark: Church & Subculture, Brett's blog entry is a reply to an earlier post in which Walker links to an article that had appeared in the popular GQ.

The GQ writer immersed himself for seven days into the Christian subculture: Christian music, TV, books, nutrition programs(!) and prayer guides. According to Walker, the author concluded that the Christian subculture seemed like "a self-contained parallel universe...a bad copy of the mainstream, not a truly distinctive or separate achievement."

Brett compares the separation of 'spiritual stuff' versus 'real life' to a musical:

The problem I have with musicals is that nobody's life is plausibly like that. Who goes through their life as if it were completely normal, only to randomly burst into song and dance (often in chorus with other people)? How does that work? Do you plan out when you're going to sing, or is it like falling in love and you just know? Do you prepare songs and choreography for many different moods and situations ahead of time, or do you just make it up on the fly? Even sci-fi movies are realistic to me compared to musicals. Aliens invading Earth seems way more plausible than my neighbor Deion and I singing to each other across the fence about our days.

I had this sickening realization the other day. I'm a Christian (not the sickening part), and my life is a musical. Most of my life looks relatively normal, but then at prescribed times in the week, I meet up with other relatively normal people and start singing. I don't dance too much (I can't dance), but sometimes I'll close my eyes and sway. An hour or so later, I, along with everyone else, stop singing and we go about our business as if nothing happened.

This passage had me laughing out loud, in part because it is like truth - truth - truth and also because Brett reminds me of my friend Joe (check out his blog -- he and two other Muskingum students, Emily and Evan, are in Chicago, IL for Summer Project with CCC), who also isn't a huge fan of musicals and would get along with this Brett guy. (By the way, I found their team blog online. Here it is.)

(Another random thought: a lot of guys really aren't huge fans of musicals. It's their tendency toward practicality, I think. Oh...my friend Evan -- the one in Chicago -- does, though. I can rationalize that, though: he has a great voice, Southern charm and would make a musical bearable to watch. Don't get me wrong...I like musicals. I love The Sound of Music, actually. I mean, it's a classic and has major historical value!)

***

So, yeah. Isn't that crazy and sort of disconcerting at the same time?

I've felt this way before. It's comparable to the "Sunday Christian" thing, but maybe not really, because the whole stepping into character shoes act tends to confuse and plague us pretty extensively in the long run.

In Christian community, we vision-cast, plan, dialogue and worship together. We strive to be led by the Spirit and to walk humbly alongside Jesus. We see fruit.

As individuals, though, I think we (by we, I often mean me) find ourselves in utter silence when conversation with friends or family could, perhaps, make a turn toward a dynamic, challenging spiritual conversation. Maybe it's because we are hesistant to 'go' into that realm, or maybe we (I) are (am) lacking faith in a God who has gone sufficiently 'before us' and who is infinitely more experienced and capable of speaking to people's hearts. (Certainly more than I will ever be, regardless of how many Speech Communication classes I take at Muskingum.)

***

In all reality, we can't lay all the blame on "Christian subculture." Yeah, it's crappy that a lot of people who really love Jesus get a bad rap because of TV programs or books or songs that have seriously misrepresented the heart of God, but it comes down to this, I think: it's in our court (my court, really) to step out of script and allow an omnipresent God to live and move through us in just that way -- simultaneously (Dictionary.com) -- all the time. A God whose character is beautifully constant.

I think Brett's right. My life can't look like The Sound of Music and its choreographed musical numbers (though learning musical scales while frolicking through Austria would be pretty exciting).

What's more, if my interactions with God and community look more like a flashy premiere than a tough but thriving relationship, I need to re-evaluate and spend less time sing-songing and more time investing in a reciprocating friendship (initiated by the Creator of everything; isn't that unreal?).

***

Here's what I love about all this, though: God doesn't let down on His promises -- on His love for His children because we fall, repeatedly, straight on our faces (our put-on faces, nonetheless!).

Instead, He gently picks us up. He helps us find the courage to wipe off a tear or two. He gives us strength to walk with Him and befriend others with authenticity, knowing that He is the One behind it all, anyway.

Keep seeking Him.

-Jessie

One other thing: supposedly the article in GQ (Sept. 2002) stirred up quite a bit of controversy. After some Google searching, I found the article on some random guy's blog. I'd be interested in hearing your replies to the article.

Okay, one last thing (I promise!): that team blog the UT guys have -- it's really good. Here's the link again. If you never have the chance to read KOC, at least bookmark their Web site. It's the best article database I've found in awhile. Good stuff! :)

[ takin' care of business ]

I'm a waitress at Cracker Barrel, and this week, I've been working day shifts -- 8 am-4 pm, 9-4, etc. This week's schedule surprised me because I had been clocking in evening hours for the last few weeks, but it's been good: the other servers are great, time goes by crazy-quickly & the management is solid. I have about a million reasons to be grateful for the job.

Okay, so this is the last time I'll reference To Own a Dragon for awhile. This has been on my mind for the last two or three days. When I first read this, I thought something like, Okay, that makes sense, and sort of just moved on without trying to soak it in or think about how it applies to life or something like that.

A few pages later: Oh, man. I need to re-read that.

Okay, so a quick recap:

• Miller and MacMurray (photographer friend and mentor) take an evening hike to a smaller mountain near Mount Adams in hopes of catching a good shot of the mountain at sunset. Quite a climb, apparently.
  
• After reaching a certain point, they stop. Miller catches his breath; MacMurray sets up the tripod.
• After a few minutes of hesitation, Miller realizes that MacMurray isn't going to take a single photo: "Don, there are a million shots like this. Anybody could hike up here on any day and take this shot. We're looking for something more exceptional."
• No photos taken despite a beautiful evening: "The light isn't right."
• Miller asks MacMurray how often he awakes early, makes an extra effort or hikes ten or more miles only to turn around without a single shot. "It happens a great deal...I will use about 10 percent of the shots I take."
• "How do you do it, John? I mean, how do you get out of bed at four in the morning and hike up into the mountains for days without knowing you are going to get a shot. Doesn't that drive you nuts, knowing the chances of your getting a good picture are so low?" -Miller (So straightforward.)
• "It's not about what you don't get done; it's about what you do get done. The price of one good shot is nine other hikes, nine other times I have to get out of bed. That's the cost of a great moment." -MacMurray

Here's a few big ideas in the chapter that got me thinking:

1. Work is about God.
2. Work isn't punishment; it's reward.
3. "God is the only motivation...where the law of diminishing returns doesn't apply. I get joy in knowing Him, and He makes sense of my life, my family, my money, my work. And work is just a tool. It is the means to a good end, not the end itself." -JM
   
4. "Work, the idea of work, is God's invention and it's part of our spirituality to do it." -JM
5. Work is an act of worship: "It gives us a reason for doing what it is we do, beyond even feeding our families. It is bigger than that." -JM

***

Maybe you've read (memorized, even?) Colossians 3:17 --

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I don't know a ton about the context of Colossians (check back in 8ish weeks after I finish studying Philippians & Colossians) -- okay, not much at all-- but that verse has always sort of 'resounded' with me. Honestly, it was probably because I flipped through a subsection of a "Bible Promises" verse-finder paperback (did anyone else receive about a dozen of those for graduation?) entitled "Servanthood" or something like that.

Anyway, Miller's own chapter on work had to just 'linger' for awhile, because I wasn't quite sure how to take it.

This summer, I've approached work with a few goals of sorts -- engage others in friendship, share the gospel, trust God for conversations, and well, make some money for Fall 2006 tuition. Here's the weird thing, though: those are all an overflow of labor that...

• Worships and honors God
• Is built into our very existence
• Is a reward (still a very crazy concept) for us
• Reflects God's workmanship in Creation & through Christ

***

There's a really strange part of me that likes the concept of 'work' -- not just in a career or rollin'-in-the-dough sense -- and not even as a service-as-a-love-language, either.

Let's see, here...

Because God has uniquely crafted each one of us (inactivity & stagnancy aren't really characteristics of God -- I mean, we pray for things like movement, for God to work, etc., etc.), it seems like there's something kind of engrained in us to worship our Creator through our work, whatever form that may take.

***

God is working through all of us in a lot of different ways, of course, and a lot of cool things tend to emerge as we trust God in the midst of our labor: people coming to know the Lord, darkness exposed by the light of Christ, personal growth in our relationship with God.

All those really good -- I mean, really, really good -- things that we pray for, however, must first spring from a whole giving-over: heart, mind, body -- to our Maker, worthy of our worship and thanks in whatever we do.

Take care!

-Jessie

[ You must increase ]

I just finished To Own a Dragon. If you are looking for a good read, check it out.

Miller makes a pretty simple but really remarkable observation about the parable of the prodigal son in one his final chapters:

"[God] did not leave because He was fed up with us. Nor did He slowly fade from our lives because He found something better to occupy his interest. It is the human race He cares about, every one of us who walked away from our Maker. In Jesus' words, He is like the anxious Father of the prodigal son, longing for us to return. Not because He is some emotionally weak God who needs affirmation from His creation, but because He so thoroughly loves us. And when we don't return, He is like the Great Shepherd of our souls who goes out seeking us, even the one lost sheep." -To Own a Dragon pp. 183-4

Miller's reflections, along with some reading in Philippians and Romans, hit home this evening.

Really, it is very amazing to me that God's love is more encompassing and powerful than I can comprehend, and that He, who loves us that completely, desires to move and work in our lives.

This is very real to me tonight. There are definitely times when we are so thirsty and the presence of God is so tangible that we simply must go and be immersed. Go and drink of the living water -- go and be quenched by the thorough, deep love of Jesus Christ.

More to come.

Keep seeking Him.

-Jessie

where God's love is,
there is no fear, because God's
perfect love drives out fear.
1 John 4:18

[ so sweet this surrender ]

how marvelous, how brilliantly

luminous, You shine on me
and who can fail to give you awe
to fear You, God, so sovereign and so strong

Photo by Alicia Wills

what a glorious day
what a wonderful day, today
glorious day.

Praying that God is your all today.

Peace in Him,

Jessie

[ humility ]

the example of Christ

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:1-4, ESV)

(I really love v. 5-11 as well -- check those out sometime.)

Have a beautiful Sunday!

-Jessie

Oh, man. My neighbor just informed me that Huron Hometown News has ceased after two issues. Print journalism is just too hard to keep up with in a small town!

[ we are one, tonight! ]

Donald Miller's newest release, To Own a Dragon, is so good. I haven't finished it, but as expected, Miller hasn't disappointed yet. The memoir details Miller's life without a father, and is co-authored by reknown photographer John MacMurray, whose work has been published in National Geographic and the Sierra Club. Miller recaps quite a bit of the dialogue he had with MacMurray during his four years with his family, and makes a few really compelling arguments for God as Father. (To Own a Dragon isn't specifically written to a Christian audience. In fact, I'd say the target demo is, well, men who have grown up without fathers. It's poignant for all those who read it, but I can only imagine how moving it would be for those whose lives parallel Miller's.)

***

Sara & I saw The Break-Up this afternoon. If you are planning on seeing it, check the reviews before you go to the theater. For all the hype it has received (mostly because of Aniston & Vaughn's off-screen romance, I think), we were disappointed. HOWEVER, this was exciting: they showed the preview for Snakes on a Plane, which has already developed a cult-esque following and apparently is guaranteed to be a unique summer hit. I believe it. (Sara and I were the only ones laughing at the preview. The whole five other people in the theater were annoyed with our random amusement, I think.)

***

Every Saturday, either John or Dad mows the lawn. It takes three or four hours because our house is built into a hill and is on an acre so of land. So, today was "Mow The Lawn" Saturday. Later this evening, I was telling Dad that the yard looked nice, and asked him how many years it had been since he decided to move his "mowing radius" forward (I didn't say that, actually; I'm just trying to be witty like Donald Miller). Basically, I wanted to know how long it had been since he started allowing nature to run its course in the grassy area next to the creek near our backyard.

I noticed tonight that the weeds which had initially taken over the unmowed grass are now accompanied by a few nice-looking trees -- trees that we didn't plant. Apparently, this is called "ecological succession." I decided to do a little research on this ecological succession business, and well, I don't really understand much of the lingo on most of the Web sites, but I do know this: it is such a cool thing! I mean, the trees that have grown next to the creek are going to be huge and strong someday. Maybe the next family who lives in our home will have kids who spend their summers building a treehouse in one of them. Who knows?

This past year, and especially this past semester, I've thought a lot about process. There is beauty in process, especially when we are able to let down our guard and, well, let God be at the root of the continual transformation He desires for our lives. I like thinking and dialoguing about the process of faith, probably because our journey with Christ is so incredibly 'larger than ourselves' that it comes down to letting go daily.

There are areas of my life that I am still attempting to manage on my own. I think we all have these, really. One big prayer that I have for those I know and for my own life is that we'd be able to move our 'radius' forward a bit and allow God to do some serious landscaping of His own. (I love Paul's heart-cry in Philippians 3: citizenship in heaven through Jesus' death and resurrection, pressing on toward the goal now, looking forward toward serious transformation.)

Keep seeking Him.

-Jessie

Oh! Even Thoreau wrote about this ecological succession thing. Interesting.

[ fever pitch & life to the full ]

I watched a really good movie the other night with my friend Meredith and her mom.

Okay, so it wasn't an instant blockbuster when it was released, its 'star power' is nominal and yes, it's a chick flick, but gosh, it was funny and refreshing and, well, quotable.

I know...you're waiting in anticipation now. (Right...)

The movie is...the 2005 Drew Barrymore/Jimmy Fallon flick Fever Pitch. According to Cinema.com, Fever Pitch is:

"...a contemporary romantic comedy about a high school teacher who meets and falls in love with a successful businesswoman. Although their lives are vastly different, the relationship seems perfect until the baseball season begins and she has to compete with his first true love: the Boston Red Sox."

You're thinking, "Jessie, what does this have to do with anything you usually write about?" Okay, I'll admit it: it doesn't.

This movie did, however, make me laugh a lot. Honestly, I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. (Okay, maybe not since last Saturday evening's visit to the Warren Motel after Joel & Sharon's reception.)

I think enjoying something that much in a concentrated period of time with two people I love softened my heart a bit. (I just re-read the last sentence and it sounds incredibly cheesy, but I'm going to leave it. This is a big step.)

So, this is kind of the weird: on the way home (in the minivan; yes, I've been cruising Huron & Sandusky in our minivan this week), I was filled with such joy and love that I just cried! Not because Ben and Lindsay get together (and, shocker!, keep the Red Sox tickets) in the end of Fever Pitch (pretend like you didn't read that), but because God loves us in such a unique, heroic way -- and meets with us at (seemingly) random but utterly perfect moments.

***

I have been surprised lately at the ways in which God has provided for me. Really, though, I shouldn't be so shocked.

"Life to the full" is meaty and real and even a little scary. Each day, God brings us to new thresholds -- increased understanding of His character -- refreshed perspective of His people. And it happens amidst our "ordinary" (e.g., watching Fever Pitch -- oh, man...). Amidst our ordinary only because our God is that extraordinary. That powerfully compassionate.

Keep serving Him.

-Jessie

P.S.: This entry probably seems a little scatterbrained. It is. You see, for a half-hour or so before I wrote this entry, I read through the blog of Mark Steele, author of the Relevant-published Flashbang! book. His writing style is all over the place, and I think there is some carryover to this entry. Steele, however, can definitely get away with it. I bet he'd be a great guy to meet in person.

P.P.S.: Have a great weekend. It's June; can you believe it?! Wow.

[ john 3:30 ]

He must become greater

i must become less
Photo by Alicia Wills

[ kant ]

This past semester I had the opportunity to take a philosophy class at Muskingum entitled Introduction to Ethics.

Honestly, as I was scheduling my spring semester classes in November or so of 2005, I probably would have described it as "a class that I have to take for my journalism major," followed by a sigh or something. But really, the class opened my eyes. It pried them open, actually.

I've always had sort of an offish attitude toward philosophy, probably because I have been intimidated by it.

(You know, philosophers: they write a few impossible-to-read books and become really popular after they die. Like starving artists or something.)

Ah. Ignorance is bliss.

Okay, in reality, I still don't know much about philosophy or philosophers or ethics. I did, however, have one simple realization: I have a lot to learn.

For example, Immanuel Kant is recognized by a few of his theories - one focusing on the idea of universal laws and another centered around this:

So act as to treat humanity, whether in thine own person or in that of any other, in every case as an end withal, never as a means only. (Fundamental Principles of the Metaphysics of Ethics)

When Dr. Lekan and our class discussed Kant, we focused in on this theory quite a bit. Right away, it intrigued me, probably because it sounds cool and important: Treat others as ends, never as means to an end.

***

A few days ago I came across a little blurb on Kant in the current issue of Christianity Today. It brought back (fond) memories of PHIL-203, and got me thinking about Kant again.

I think I need to pray about the way I approach relationships with others. Just when I think my motives in friendship are pure, an annoying pride alert! alarm makes a fine buzzing sound in my ear. Okay, not really, but you get the idea: inward-tendencies and pretenses hinder any sort of authenticity I can offer to others.

This is why my life must be drenched.

Soaked.

Overflowing with living water.

***

There is no way I can even begin to approach relationship with others without first offering up everything to God - the God who embraces me - the same the God who embraced a fallen world in flesh with not even an ounce of false motivation.

I'm not sure what Kant thought about God or Jesus or Christianity, but I do know this: his theory has big-time application value for my life.

Really, when it comes down to it, I only know of one way to put this into practice at this point in time. I must continue to seek out the One who takes me in not even as an 'end,' but as His child - worthy and empowered to be called His own.

Love you guys.

-Jessie

(I oversimplified Kant's theories quite a bit in this entry. I definitely recommend reading up on Kant's life, ideas & influence if you have a chance. Really intriguing stuff.)