[ the ocean is growing ]

It's been too long.

Almost two weeks! Whoa.

Big things have been happening lately. God has been softening my heart toward His power in my life, and has very tangibly answered prayer.

Something that's been pretty exciting: the beginning of a relationship with my friend Joe, who is in Chicago for the summer with Campus Crusade for Christ. I've always respected and appreciated him, so it's been a real blessing (to say the least) to experience the Lord's timing in our friendship. I'm really looking forward to serving in ministry with Joe at Muskingum & am grateful for his bold trust and faith in God's plan for our campus. Check out his blog sometime.

***

Late last night I was spending a few hours reading and in prayer and was struck by the reality of God's taking me in "as-is."

There's a lot of aspects of God's character that resonate pretty strongly in my mind but haven't quite become fully integrated with my relationship with Him; ways in which He desires to move and work in my life that I don't quite grasp as an 'issues of the heart.'

I sort of broke last night, though. It was hard but also pretty refreshing, because I need to realize this more often that I do -- that I am truly accepted and called by God completely as I am, right where I am.

There's power in God meeting me where I am because it frees me from spinning in circles trying to figure out how everything fits together. Instead, He reaches out to me and almost audibly says, "Jessie, just trust Me."

It's funny, really, because it seems like fairly often I talk or think about God in this or that way but haven't taken ahold of His promises as they relate to and impact my walk with Him -- in an intensely relational way.

God's dealing with me with such compassion and revealing His strength in my weakness, even if I don't like to admit that I don't have it all together.

And that is the okay thing, because each day His mercy is new and He has placed forth some pretty big reconcilation with this world through His Son -- reconciliation that really should have a substantial impact on my life.

He's pouring out grace and pursuing us as we are, which just makes me want to throw my life into His will.

It's hard, you know, but so worth it.

We serve such a big God.

-Jessie

[ that i may know Him ]

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. -Phil. 3:8-11

reject the flesh

count everything as loss - suffered the loss of all things
count them as rubbish

***

confidence in a living relationship

because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus
a righteousness that depends on faith
...that I may know him and the power of his resurrection

***

Movement.

I love Philippians 3 because there is this astounding here to there progression. It's this sort of beautiful climactic point that Paul seems to say, "Do you get it?! This is life!"

Paul surrenders everything, and even further, counts his loss rubbish (strong wording!) for the sake of knowing Jesus Christ and sharing in the power of His resurrection through faith.

A big-time change-up in his place of trust seems to occur: from the flesh (pleasing God through energies of the flesh) -- to sheer, utter confidence in a living relationship with Jesus Christ.

I'm not sure if I completely understand this passage, but there's something that is pretty striking: Paul regards all things as loss not just because all works of the flesh were devastatingly harmful or worthless to his life, but because compared to knowing Christ (his plea, really: that I may know Him), those things are no longer in sight -- no longer to be charted anywhere near the greatness of knowing Jesus Christ -- no longer providing the pressing-on-toward-life motion that Paul so desires -- longs for, really -- from God in Jesus.

***

From self to Jesus. There's power in that.

The death and resurrection of Jesus -- revealed to us even now.

Fellowship with God -- now; that [we] may know Him.

***

God's range of power stretches beyond my misconceptions and hesitation, into this beautiful place of surrender that I haven't even accomplished on my own -- a place where God works regardless of our weaknesses. Regardless of our failures because they're measured by our human limitations, anyway, and God's reaching power digs deeper and is vaster and more immense than any attempt to please Him in our own power.

Joe described it to Evan once as God's will (and His power, really) leaving us kicking and screaming. Not kicking and screaming that always leaves us wounded or distraught, but that is our only feasible response to God's big power in our lives.

A power that moves and transforms -- heals and provides.

A power that has nothing to do with us and everything to do with Him.

Take care!

-Jessie

[ i want more than just okay ]

Some random, not really connected thoughts.

***

"The task of engaging the culture with the Christian gospel and so working to transform the world always includes three elements. First, we must speak truthfully about Jesus of Nazareth, and explain how it is what we discover who God is by looking at him. Second, we must do so in full engagement with the world of our own day, understanding its ebbs and flows, its fashions and follies, the places where it has got things gloriously right and the places where it has got things gloriously wrong. Third, we must be prepared to refute — that is, to give a reasoned rebuttal of, not simply to say we disagree with — popular misconceptions which leave people with muddled and misguided ideas about Jesus and the nature of Christian faith." -N.T. Wright

***

I was talking to Jerry (our college minister) on the phone this afternoon, and he asked about Austin and the conference, and I said something like, "Jerry, those students are the best and the brightest; they're really going to change things."

I really came to appreciate the students at the conference -- their commitment to discernment and vocation, their understanding of their respective tradition and deep, real faith.

***

Wright's understanding of an articulated faith is very cool. He was speaking last summer at Seattle Pacific University, elaborating on The Da Vinci Code.

I think his statements, in and out of context of the mania of The Da Vinci Code, are pretty sound. What do you think?

***

Our culture wants to be engaged, and is looking for truth. We want more than lollipop, one-size-fits-all faith. We want to be stretched. To be urged to really think about who Jesus is claiming to be and how God is moving in this world.

To break down barriers -- social, economic, racial, circumstantial -- all barriers -- for the One who broke all standards, stepping into skin to live, die and be raised for us.

Truths. Understanding. Articulation. Not only to be 'in the world and not of it,' but to really grasp that Jesus was calling for radical faith in the midst of the here-and-now, and appeals for that today. Even in the United States, despite our tendency toward the 'gloriously wrong.'

It's powerful to me that God works despite that and amongst that, because really, everything doesn't boil down to us and our 'societal failures' or American individualism.

It's about God, and His power to redeem our gloriously wrong tendencies. The power that raised Jesus from the dead; the power that lives in each heart following Him today. The live-giving power that transcends and breaks through culture and engages people where they are.

-Jessie

SPU has Wright's full response online, which is worth a read, even if you're sick of Da Vinci Code stuff (I sort of am). Very, very cool.

[ grace like rain falls down ]

My friend Angela is on Summer Project with Campus Crusade for Christ in Orlando, FL this summer, and is simply being transformed. It's encouraging and exciting. I've loved talking to her because she is digging deep during her time there, desiring to build into others, spend significant amounts of time in prayer, deal with conflict in order to achieve unity and allow God to work through her in mighty ways.

Angie and I talked on the phone for a half-hour or so this evening, and talked a lot about identity in Christ and the freedom that brings to our relationship with God and with others. I've often thought of my identity in Christ as a sort of peace of mind, knowing 'where I stand' and so on, but I think there's something bigger here.

Paul writes to the believers at Colosse:

For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. (Col. 2:9-10)

...and later writes:

For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. (Col. 3:3-4)

***

If we have been given the fullness -- the absolute, uninhibited, utter reality -- of God in Christ and are united with Him in His death and resurrection, then our union with God brings much more than just recognition and acceptance, I think.

It brings freedom!

It brings freedom.

It really, really brings us freedom.

It frees us to put to death our earthly desires (3:5), the nature that had bound us to darkness and destruction -- into God-understanding, and into awareness of our renewed status in Christ.

***

Amends made, a revolution begins.

We surrender, He gives us whole-life.

His grace alone falls down on our lives, providing the only authentic sense of self we can have: ourselves -- myself; hidden in Him.

This kind of freedom should make me want to dance or something like that, because I haven't earned this kind of identity -- an identity that endures, that urges me forward. An identity that is deeply rooted, but not by my own planting.

Seeds have been scattered by the Maker, and I must look to Him for life-light and water.

***

I can't wait to see Angie again in person in mid-August.

There's something very beautiful about seeing someone you haven't seen in awhile, and knowing they've been seeking out Christ and are rejoicing in the Lord's provision and moving in their life.

She is one of those people.

I'm excited for what God is teaching her, and how He'll use her on campus this year -- in ministry, media, her sorority, athletics, friendships and more. As she continues to dig deep, stand firm and cling to Jesus, barriers will continue to be broken down, and men and women will be drawn into the love of God.

***

This world depends on our clinging -- our throwing-over -- our complete release -- to God through Christ. We yearn for that.

It's exciting and kind of scary, but God will guide us through; His timing is perfect, and His provision is a reality.

There's freedom in clinging.

Keep praying.

-Jessie

[ who do you say that I am? ]

Everything in Christ astonishes me. His spirit overawes me, and his will confounds me. Between him and whoever else in the world, there is no possible term of comparison. He is truly a being by himself...I search in vain in history to find the similar to Jesus Christ, or anything which can approach the gospel. Neither history, nor humanity, nor the ages, nor nature, offer me anything with which I am able to compare it or to explain it. Here everything is extraordinary. -Napoleon

[ let it go ]

We serve a relational, living, powerful, compassionate God.

We serve a God who knows and cares about our thoughts, desires and worries because we are called and empowered as His children.

We serve a God who really answers prayers.

We serve a God who has humbled himself in the form of flesh and been raised up in glory; His Son who has said to us, "Follow Me."

Our God is not dead, but thrives. His Spirit is evident in surrendered hearts -- in real transformation -- in the Church and community and in God's reconciliation to this world. Not just reconciliation in the form of a suitable patch-up, but a real, vital, permanent solution. Salvation, here. Our Creator-God bridges the gap in a big, necessary way.

***
We doubt the Word that tells us:
Ask and ye shall have your prayer:
We turn our thoughts as to a task,
With will constrained and rare.

And yet we have; these scanty prayers
Yield gold without alloy:
Oh God, but He that trusts and dares
Must have a boundless joy!

George MacDonald

***

God is good, and not because we serve a God whose solution was to make us feel good (I too often rely on that), but because He is dealing with Creation with more grace than we can handle, really. And He sends us out with joy and peace:

For you shall go out with joy
and be led forth with peace:
the mountains and the hills will
break forth before you into singing;
and all the trees of the fields shall clap their hands.

Isaiah 55:12

(There's a really moving response that we sang in Austin that goes along with Isaiah 55. Powerful! I'm going to have to get the music for that and give it to Jerry sometime.)

***

God is at work.

I want to cast my whole life into His; to align my desires and future and relationships with the gospel, and really understand that I am accepted and sent as His own.

You are an accepted, called child of God.

Love you guys!

-Jessie

[ it brings refreshing wherever it goes ]

I was about halfway through this semi-detailed entry about a seminar I attended in Austin, complete with links and references from the Bible and so on, but it sort of felt like I was making myself sit down and blog, and well, that's not the point of this. So, I think I'll just write about a few things I've been thinking, worrying and praying about lately, and not be concerned so much about trying to make this entry super-substance filled.

- So, I'm giving the message at church this Sunday and have honestly put it on the back burner for awhile now. I'm hoping to finish it up tomorrow night and do some big-time practicing on Saturday. I think the "I feel unequipped" thoughts will pass through quite a few times during my lifetime, especially if I'm slated to speak in front of a group of people about God. Any confidence I have needs to point toward Jesus. He's all I have, really.

- I want to have faith in a big God who answers bold prayers. And to really pray like that. It's hard.

- I want to be alivened; to really desire to know God and invest in people. I'm anxious to be thrown back into community at Muskingum -- to really be held accountable, stretched, taught and even broken. I love that place and those people. I miss them. Soon enough!

- I have a month or so left at work and really desire to be transparent with a few of my coworkers. It's really necessary for me to trust in God for that.

- Even when I'm exhausted or in a comfort zone here at home, God is still desiring to move mountains in my life. It's taking some time for me to realize this.

- I can't have everything all together. It's a test for me, but also kind of refreshing.

-Jessie

[ snapping out of it ]

I've been in a funk the last few days.

I'm not sure if it's because I've been working a lot or I had a sort of post-Texas letdown, but I've sort of just hit that point of people-overload, which hasn't happened in awhile, but is something that really seems to affect me, especially because I am usually energized and fulfilled by time with those around me.

Days like this remind me that:

-My walk with Christ is not and cannot be solely emotionally-driven
-My relationship and time with God directly impacts my relationships and interactions with others
-I need to pray boldly for God's perspective
-My anxieties and worries are nailed to the Cross, and I share in His crucifixion and the glory of His resurrection

It is scary and powerful to me that God knows my heart and loves me just the same.

I often experience this truth after I take a sort of bird's eye view at myself and realize that my actions, words and thoughts have not wholly pointed toward God. Scary, yes, but powerful, because if God loves me that much, my stress and fears and guilt are no more. And if God has truly stepped into flesh to redeem a people, then I think He is urging me to snap out of it. Not in the put-on-a-happy-face sense (seemingly the easy way out sometimes), but to remove myself from reality for awhile and know that God will quiet and bring rest to my soul:

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the Cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

We can only be transformed by the Cross. Its power is that magnificent.

I need -- yearn for -- that transformation. And not just when I'm in a funk.

-Jessie

[ salt ]

I haven't read red in awhile.

You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. -Jesus

If communal faith is a reality and God is releasing me from the trappings of individualism, Jesus' words are pushing me forward regardless of my:

Complacency.

Idols.

Pride.

Skewed intentions and perceptions.

If the hard truth is that this world is fallen and decayed, this salt metaphor has more impact on my life than I can grasp at this point in time.

If the richness -- the very essence -- of God's reconciliation is revealed through communities seeking to embody the image of Jesus Christ, then this world can't exist without the Church.

***

It's unfortunate that being radical is almost always associated with terrorists, zealots or diehard political activists, especially in media throughout the United States, because I think this whole salt thing may truly have to impact the way I live my life. The blinders have been stripped away by the blood, but I am still living blandly in a hungry world wanting to savor at least something.

My life can't look the same if I am trusting in the same Jesus that spoke in metaphors so long ago. Metaphors pressing for more than satisfaction in where I am or where I'm going. Words pressing for radical faith.

***

In Searching For God Knows What, Donald Miller criticizes a few televangelists who, for decades, have literally stolen money from viewers who have hoped for real answers to prayer and have given money to 'support' the ministries, only to have their prayer requests found unopened in Dumpsters.

Miller complains for awhile, but then comes to this beautiful conclusion that if God still loves and reached down to redeem even these 'radicals,' then he must not really understand the depth of redemption offered in the blood and resurrection of Jesus Christ (paraphrased and expanded upon, I think).

If God has really has revealed Himself and reached down even for Pat Robertson and Jim Bakker and Ernest Angeley (named fundamentalists, radicals, false prophets, convicts, whatever), then maybe God is calling me to look at the Gospels a little closer (okay, a lot closer) and see that Jesus was a radical, not as a messenger for specific 'programs' today, but for purpose and for belonging and becoming today.

Belonging by first hearing and responding; becoming by seeking out God through community and working for peace, witness, reconciliation and justice in this world.

***

Joe has the right idea with this sesame seed stuff, I think. I mean, who even cares about the sesame seeds anyway?

I'll still hanging onto the seeds, though, and not the seeds of the gospel, but seeds of self-interest and image and greed and rationalized 'contentment.'

I have a lot to pray and think about, and still a lot of processing to do from last week because I haven't quite done that yet. God is the most real to me when I'm being challenged, but it's still a bit frustrating.

I'm saying this through my teeth, really, but I think frustration collides with joy, and usually I am pretty taken aback by those moments.

***

I need to seek constant restoration, breaking before God to have Him really fill me with salt and light before others.

Peace,

Jessie

Check out the team blog of the Kingdom of Couches crew. A humble, talented writer, that Will Walker! He blogged recently about the notion of being 'radical.' Walker and his family live in Austin, TX! (One of my new favorite big cities. I wouldn't mind living there someday.)