[ some thoughts! ]

My discipler (kind of like a spiritual mentor) Kelly this summer shared with me aspects of her life that she referred to as "vintage Kelly" -- the sort of character-fabric that is so specific to all of us as we gain awareness of our identity as daughters and sons of a living, active God.

Anyway, as I wrestle with intentionally recalling and claiming my position in Christ, I'm beginning to gain some clarity on what really makes me "pound the table" -- not in frustration -- but with conviction and with hope for responding to what makes my heart beat faster and my eyes light up.

1 Corinthians 15:10 is a verse that has urged me toward the love and grace of God in big ways lately. Paul's heart:

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me."

I've felt some freedom lately to embrace "vintage Jessie" -- the girl who drinks too much coffee, wants to go all-out, receives lots of life from friends and one who wants to change, innovate and communicate.

Anyway, as I read Paul's short-but-sweet words, I am struck by a few things:

• By the GRACE of God, we are who we are! Knowing our place before God involves claiming no sufficiency of our own (check out 2 Cor. 3) but responding to the reality of Jesus' death and resurrection.
• His grace for US is not in VAIN. We cannot be content with thoughts of God's grace for us being empty or low-quality; grace is full and active, moving us forward in faith in light of God's gift for us in Jesus.
• "I worked harder than any of them..." Why? Because insufficiency of Paul's flesh wouldn't cut it. Only the GRACE of God in him would suffice! The rich love of Christ sets us not only free FROM sin, but free TO move with trust in the Holy Spirit's activity in our lives. God's Spirit in us has the power to free us to love and serve God with all of ourselves, expecting to see others drawn near to the good news of Jesus, because He is a reality in our own lives. Oh my, I want to trust in this.

Much LOVE.

Jessie

[ the joy of the Lord is our strength ]

Do not grieve,
for the joy of the LORD is your strength.
Nehemiah 8:10

I should head to bed soon.

A few random thoughts, though:

• When I'm not feeling up to par physically, I can really notice how weak I become and how desperately I need to slow down.

• Questions that have come to mind lately:
  
• How does my response to the gospel reflect my view of God? Am I working praying to become a woman who spontaneously responds to the good news of Jesus?
• Does the work of the Cross capture me, beyond my own understanding and feelings?
• Am I allowing the Lord to permeate every area of my life?
• How can I be really intentional in reaching out to men and women here at Muskingum? What will it take?

• I miss my parents a lot right now. Mom and I have been texting each other. This really cracks me up.

• I get to spend a lot of Saturday and Sunday with Joe! Time with him gives me life. And a heart at rest.
  

• Fall is almost here! At dinner the other night Meryl and I were brainstorming signs of fall, like crisp air, sweatshirt-and-jeans weather and a sudden drop-off -- and trade-off -- in cravings for ice cream for hot apple cider! I think she may be writing a commentary on it next week. Oh, goodness. I have to write commentaries next semester!

• The Lord is faithful, even when things seem kind of tough. His joy is our strength. Every part of our insufficiencies and limitations -- covered by God's accomplishments (2 Co. 3:5).

Jessie

[ late nights... ]

Today's been a full day -- lots of time in the Black and Magenta office, a combined floor program (not a big turnout, but fun) and some good, important digging-deeper conversations with loved ones. It's getting late, but I wanted to post before bed.

The Importance of Being Foolish, a book written by Brennan Manning (The Ragamuffin Gospel, Signature of Jesus), has been really encouraging and relevant in relation what I've been processing and praying through in the past few weeks. Manning is in touch with the Word in a special, unique way that has left me wanting to pursue the Lord harder and with zealous, lively faith. He speaks hard truth in a loving, gentle way. Big stuff.

Here's Manning:

When Jesus Christ reveals himself through the gospel, which is active and creative, he calls for a spontaneous response. His message is not a reassurance to keep right on doing what we've been doing, but, writes, Edward O'Connor, "a summons to the labor of eliminating from our lives, faithfully and perseveringly, everything in us that is opposed to the work and will of his Holy Spirit for us."

Lately I've been desiring that the Lord would find me faithful in pursuing his heart so that my love for others here and across the world would multiply -- and, really, that I would be found willing to act upon need with hopeful spontaneity. Trusting in his will and not my own. I want to be found really loving my Lord, anticipating his direction, getting over myself in order to eliminate what I've been claiming as my own. Oh, that he would redeem a lost people and restore them to life again.

Jesus, we owe it all to you.

But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, "Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord." (1 Co. 1:27-31)

[ purpose ]

Here's a few things I've been processing through lately, with close friends here and a handsome young man in Columbus... ;)

• It seems like when the Lord brings us to some sort of new understanding -- of the Word, of His work in the world or straight-up inspiration from the Holy Spirit, there tends to be some weight. In the past few weeks I've been beginning to think about what this really looks like in the life of a believer -- to not just seek the Lord in order to be "filled up," but to take seriously our position in Christ and the urgency of reaching those around us for His sake.

• As we take time to read, study and pray through the Word, we should be expectant of a few things, I think. We should anticipate thoughts centered on God's glory. We should expect to be more aware of Jesus and His presence. We should wait expectantly for God to build in us confidence in the power of the gospel for the world. And as we grow in God-initiated confidence, we should look forward to rejoicing in proclaiming His good news.

• I am grateful for the truth that often the desires of my heart align with God's will, but I don't want to get caught up in holding those desires and passions too high. Instead, I want to be found faithful in desiring Him first without an agenda of my heart being full to the brim. This area of my walk with the Lord is tough -- too often when I wake up in the mornings my shallow desires come first, even after really sensing God teaching and refining me the previous evening. I can only pray that this will sink more deeply into my walk. When I become too focused on my desires -- even desires of the heart -- I lose sight of the gospel-message in its totality: not just for full hearts, but for redemption. God-accomplished salvation -- for all nations. The message of gospel should send chills up my spine in that sense.

• In making any decision -- near or distant -- the only real option right now is to pray. And to pray hard. And when I think I have prayed enough, to get on my knees and pray some more. This truth seems pretty special to me right now.

• A few random thoughts, too: I think I have a green thumb. I like watching movies with Joe because he's really good at picking them out and explaining cool stuff to me afterwards. I've been staying up way too late -- it's the one time here in the hall that's so quiet, though. In my lifetime I really pray that God will use me in communicating the Word, His kingdom-work and even some practical life-stuff in creative, relevant and tangible ways that will urge people toward Him. I wish I could articulate more of what I mean by that, but I think -- hope! -- that will be shown with more opportunities to write, speak, study and equip others.

His grace for you is not in vain. (1 Co. 15:10)

Jessie :)