[ thoughts ]

I've been feeling pretty swamped lately with attempting to balance wedding planning, schoolwork, several jobs on campus, an internship, an upcoming job placement conference and allowing myself time to be spiritually fed and taken care of physically and emotionally.

Even listing those responsibilities brings to mind all those things that I have not yet accomplished, meetings I've missed (so not me!) and how it is that I will sleep more than five or so hours per night for the remainder of the semester.

Increasingly I am becoming more aware of my own limits -- limits for which I've had seriously foggy perspective until now -- just under three months before graduation. More and more I am realizing how much I need people around me -- not just to come alongside me and help me -- but to pray for me, helping me to ask God for serious strength. This isn't my 'default mode,' but oh, how the Lord is urging me to be honest about this need and receive from others during this time.

As I write this, my room is a mess. Laundry, cardstock samples for invitations, flyers I've neglected to hang up on my floor and a bridesmaid's dress hanging on my towel bar (forget the towel; it's hanging somewhere else!).

For those who know me well, this isn't a huge surprise, but really -- it's times like these that I am more conscious of how much we need God's grace in our lives. Honestly, as I pause to think beyond cover letters, pew bows and programming points, I'm struck that these times only serve as truth of my need for Jesus Christ not just now, but my depth of need all the time. Usually a glimpse of this reminder instantaneously causes me to have a good tear-fest.

My friend and spiritual mentor Michele spoke life to me last week as we were talking over Italian sodas at the Jitterbug on Thursday afternoon. She knows me well and speaks grace and truth to me, as I am. Michele, who's also getting married (so-o-o soon!), simply reminded me that this is going to be a crazy few months, but that I need to be okay with making some mistakes, asking for help and receiving hefty doses of grace extended from our loving Father. After talking with her, I rushed back to work desk in Finney Hall and tears began to run down my face.

Once I've begun to really think outside the happenings in my own life -- praise God that He brings me there -- I've been more able to see the need around me. There's something unique about being in a spot of need. If we depend on Jesus, it can allow for fresh eyes to see and respond to desperation around us, even in the midst of our own anxieties and worries. Jesus' words about the burdened and heavy laden (oh, how often I've used that passage in this blog -- but check out Matthew 11:25-30) speak universally to those who humble themselves before our God. Even in the past few weeks, it's been encouraging to know that I am not just identified as a student who's a little behind on things and a girl who misses her fiancé, but who -- in her need, in my need -- has been able to experience the grace of God through Jesus Christ in sometimes subtle and other times major ways. I'm thanking Him for those sweet moments with old and new friends, times of catching up and sharing life with one another -- times of transparency and urging each other on toward Jesus Christ.

I hadn't expected to write that much this evening, but hopefully it helps to give you a glimpse of where I am, as I am. This stuff is a little more raw than -- say -- two years ago, but it's a testament of what God's been doing and how He's reminding me of His character, faithfulness and activity in this world of ours.

Thanks for reading and letting me share this with you! Oh -- and look for my senior seminar materials sometime. Seriously.