[ faith over feelings ]

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

Oh, how easy it is to give quick-witted definitions of the ins and outs of our faith in the midst of a conversation, study or in class. But how much more difficult it is to walk and act in faith when life doesn't feel so good or the numbers we're inserting into our formulas aren't adding up to what we've been anticipating or expecting for our lives.

It's April 12, and other seniors and I are graduating in four weeks. Three weeks later, I'm marrying my best friend, biggest supporter and a man who wants to live life in response to the reality of who God is and the radical truth of His work in Jesus.

Other than that? I have no idea. Months and months were spent in preparation for a conference I was sure would yield a job - and with that, some stability for the remainder of the year before the long-awaited May 10. But today? No job, and a "Thanks, but..." callback from an on-campus interview near St. Louis a few weeks ago.

In the reality of bouts of uncertainty and questioning, however, God is dealing with me - and so graciously. Never before have I been so puzzled as to why A and B haven't equaled C, but the reality of God's gift to us through Jesus continually comes to mind, and you know - there couldn't have been anything less formulaic than a bloodied, risen Messiah for a fallen world.

Oh, that God would direct us toward this perspective: assuredness and confident hope in light of remembering what He has already accomplished for us through Jesus Christ. Oh - and that I would be humbled at the greatness of these truths and be able to respond to what is true of my identity in Christ. Everything else pales in comparison to this.

Friends, we can cling to truth in the messiness of times I've been describing as filled with tear-stained cheeks and clenched teeth. Why? Because if God has provided for our greater good through Jesus, there is nothing - nothing, nothing, nothing! - that is outside of His reach or beyond His power. And what must we give? Nothing but obedience - only accomplished in and through faith. Faith in what we cannot see - remembrance of God's poignant characteristic of faithfulness to His people throughout the course of history and in our own lives. Not for our comfort, but for our good. In the end, this is far better anyway.

What now? I have no clue! This is truly God's initiation, because in the perfect scenarios I've fashioned in my head, Joe and I know where we'll be, what we'll be doing and what the color of our living room rug will be.

Should I continue to pursue jobs at colleges? Should he and I begin looking for jobs in Columbus and dive into life there, especially with the Xenos treasure & many friends we've been able to re-connect with there lately?

More than ever God is calling me - calling Joe and me both- to pray and to listen to His guidance.

Frankly, I suck at this most of the time.

But God? He is good: the out-for-us, to-the-core faithful One whose love and power are unmatched. And these truths are persuading me more and more that even amidst rough days and weeks, faith is not a null - but a full and real - thing.