[ not our will but Yours be done ]

I decided to stay in after Primetime tonight, which has turned out to be a really good thing. I'd like to think that I'm 'on it,' if you will, when I'm with a group of people -- it's just the way I tick, I guess. Tonight, though, it's been refreshing to have some time alone, handing over the 'me' tendencies to God once again and being reconciled to Him.

Lately I've been wanting more and more to step forth in self-forgetfulness. It's hard. If I fail to take up the power of the Spirit, every part of me cries out from the flesh:

Be affirmed.
Do 'okay.'
Press on.
Bring yourself together.

It's more recognizable to me now, I think, because God has been putting my heart at rest about things: relationships, ministry, school, His plans beyond this place. It's evident because lately there's been more of an immersion in life with relationships as the context -- with Joe, but also in this hall, in Life Group, growing friendships. You get the idea.

I think these hard things are more apparent when missional community is being developed because we begin to have a glimpse through God's eyes -- His eyes and big-time desire for redemption and people being pulled toward His glory. And when we are basking in self, His nature alone will crumble all of our construction efforts: the crew we've assembled, the blueprints we've drawn, the plans we've rationalized for ourselves.

I want this self-forgetfulness thing because there's students here who need a lot less of me and so much more of Him. The relational gospel of Jesus pushes past my 'me' crap because of its power, but it'd be helpful if I could allow people to experience Him by getting the heck out of the way.

I read an archived article on Boundless this afternoon when I was working desk, and it had this beautiful last paragraph or so. This is good:

Friendships that are marked by the gospel of the kingdom, formed out of fidelity to a biblically-informed worldview, are ones in which care more to be serve than to be served.

That is actually from an article on dating, but it seems to speak pretty loudly for self-forgetfulness and gospel-centeredness. The two go hand-in-hand, I think: as we move beyond self by living outwardly, we open ourselves to the Spirit's leading in our life.

God yearns for those around us to know Him, to experience freedom in Him, to see His working in this world. The most unselfish thing we can do is to allow them to experience the joy that comes from pursuing the heart of our Creator. (John Piper stuff. He's the real deal.)

So, yeah. I have a lot of praying to do about this. God provides in big ways, though, interceeding for us through His Spirit and urging us to press on toward His glory.

Jessie

Oh...this morning I was watching Rod Parsley on TV. (About this time last year I wrote a commentary about tattoos and him, blah, blah, blah. It was kind of a crappy commentary, to be honest, but whatever.) Anyway, my heart softened a bit today. There was a young woman on his show talking about mission work in Sudan. Whoa. Praying for the nations is big. I can't even begin to fathom God's heart for these people.

I hope God will take me overseas short-term or long-term sometime in my lifetime. I mean, why not?