[ real rest ]

I worry.

It's true.

My inner dialogue:

a.) Oh, but everyone worries.

b.) It doesn't really matter; it's a fact of life.

and...

Get over it.

Real life:

a.) Downloading Weather Channel to my desktop before Relay For Life and checking it, on the hour, until about 4 a.m. each day before the event. (Keep in mind I have a lot of control over the weather. Right.) At about 5 p.m. on 'Relay Day,' tornado warnings were released over the Internet & we had to temporarily move into our college's Rec Center for a few of our ceremonies. Get this: it didn't phase anyone. (Imagine that, Jess!)

b.) "Kaylah (my roommate), I'm just not sure about this, this or that." (Frequently.)

"Jessie, don't worry about it."

Get this: she was right. Every time! (She always is; she just knows!)

c.) Procrastinating (for a few weeks, no joke) on a religion paper that was already late because I was nervous about what the professor would say to me. He eventually approached me & said, "Don't worry about it." (That evening, I wrote the paper. Random side note: it only had to be two pages; not even a big deal! Especially considering I like writing papers. Agh!)

***

We've been told a lie, really.

A lie that says our worry (about our work, the weather(!), relationships) jumpstarts productivity; that it will eventually 'make a difference' in the long run; that by 'being concerned,' something better is bound to happen.

The thing is, our day-to-day worrying usually doesn't move us to action. When I am nervous about something, it's usually centered on me and the things that I have to accomplish, or even more often, how it will affect people's perception of me. I can't think of a time recently when I've been so worried about, say, the reality of hunger (even here in 'upper middle class' suburbia) that I've driven straight to the soup kitchen in Sandusky & asked to serve for the day. It just doesn't work like that. We sweat the small stuff.

***

One thing about Jesus that continually astounds me is His boldness in representing the character of God. Let not your hearts be troubled, He says. I am the way… (John 14:1,6) No half-hearted, empty truth here. In fact, just the opposite -- Jesus calls His disciples to real confidence and faith in a God who has met all their needs. He says, Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28). Not just the recommended 8 hours, but real rest!

I want this; I want others to have this. I want this because worry keeps me from engaging others in real relationships; friendships embedded in Christ & yielding real fruit (Galatians 5). What's more, I want my sense of being efficient in worry to be continually replaced by a reflection that is so much greater than any image I can conjure up on my own - God's reflection, in Jesus -- a reflection of life. Of redemption. Of big-time hope.

Keep seeking Him.

-Jessie