jessie's blog

[ hummus recipe ]

2008-07-05T00:39:00.003-04:00

A hummus recipe I submitted online -- not sure if it'll be published, so I thought I'd share it with you all!

Purple Fiddle Hummus

While on our honeymoon in eastern West Virginia, Joe and I frequented the "Purple Fiddle," an eclectic coffee shop and cafe with yummy wraps, soups, sandwiches, and the best hummus I've ever tasted! Once we visited for the second time, I just had to ask one of the employees what the secret was to this "it's got a kick to it" hummus: red cayenne pepper, not just black pepper, alongside cumin, sea salt and fresh cilantro. Yum! I could eat this hummus with anything from carrots to grilled pita wedges!

Ingredients

1 can garbanzo beans (15 oz.), with 1/4 c. liquid reserved

1/2 c. chopped fresh cilantro

1/4 tsp. sea salt

1 tsp. lemon or lime juice

1/2 tsp. red cayenne pepper

1 tsp. ground cumin

2 cloves garlic, finely chopped

1/2 c. finely chopped onion

1 tsp. extra-virgin olive oil, or to taste

Directions

Drain garbanzo beans, reserving at least 1/4 c. liquid. In blender or food processor, pulse garbanzo beans, cilantro and onion. Pause to stir, add in the sea salt, cayenne pepper, garlic, and cumin and pulse again, adding reserved liquid to desired thickness. Splash with EVOO and lemon and lime juice and stir again. Garnish hummus with extra cilantro (and lime slices if you have them!) and serve with fresh veggies from the local market, wheat pita chips grilled in EVOO/olive oil butter and garlic powder, or blue corn chips. Hummus is low-fat, fiber-packed, inexpensive, and yummy choice for get-togethers!

[ looking forward... ]

2008-05-02T10:19:00.014-04:00

Sweet things I'm looking forward to in the next month:

Walks to the lake...

Cooking some of the recipes I've been bookmarking on allrecipes.com...

A black and pink wedding filled with lots of friends, family and fun...

Honeymooning in WV: whitewater rafting, hiking and time together alas...

More to come, I'm sure.

With love, Jessie

Meryl and me at my friends'-hosted bridal shower at the Lighthouse on campus.

[ faith over feelings ]

2008-04-12T01:06:00.004-04:00

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

Oh, how easy it is to give quick-witted definitions of the ins and outs of our faith in the midst of a conversation, study or in class. But how much more difficult it is to walk and act in faith when life doesn't feel so good or the numbers we're inserting into our formulas aren't adding up to what we've been anticipating or expecting for our lives.

It's April 12, and other seniors and I are graduating in four weeks. Three weeks later, I'm marrying my best friend, biggest supporter and a man who wants to live life in response to the reality of who God is and the radical truth of His work in Jesus.

Other than that? I have no idea. Months and months were spent in preparation for a conference I was sure would yield a job - and with that, some stability for the remainder of the year before the long-awaited May 10. But today? No job, and a "Thanks, but..." callback from an on-campus interview near St. Louis a few weeks ago.

In the reality of bouts of uncertainty and questioning, however, God is dealing with me - and so graciously. Never before have I been so puzzled as to why A and B haven't equaled C, but the reality of God's gift to us through Jesus continually comes to mind, and you know - there couldn't have been anything less formulaic than a bloodied, risen Messiah for a fallen world.

Oh, that God would direct us toward this perspective: assuredness and confident hope in light of remembering what He has already accomplished for us through Jesus Christ. Oh - and that I would be humbled at the greatness of these truths and be able to respond to what is true of my identity in Christ. Everything else pales in comparison to this.

Friends, we can cling to truth in the messiness of times I've been describing as filled with tear-stained cheeks and clenched teeth. Why? Because if God has provided for our greater good through Jesus, there is nothing - nothing, nothing, nothing! - that is outside of His reach or beyond His power. And what must we give? Nothing but obedience - only accomplished in and through faith. Faith in what we cannot see - remembrance of God's poignant characteristic of faithfulness to His people throughout the course of history and in our own lives. Not for our comfort, but for our good. In the end, this is far better anyway.

What now? I have no clue! This is truly God's initiation, because in the perfect scenarios I've fashioned in my head, Joe and I know where we'll be, what we'll be doing and what the color of our living room rug will be.

Should I continue to pursue jobs at colleges? Should he and I begin looking for jobs in Columbus and dive into life there, especially with the Xenos treasure & many friends we've been able to re-connect with there lately?

More than ever God is calling me - calling Joe and me both- to pray and to listen to His guidance.

Frankly, I suck at this most of the time.

But God? He is good: the out-for-us, to-the-core faithful One whose love and power are unmatched. And these truths are persuading me more and more that even amidst rough days and weeks, faith is not a null - but a full and real - thing.

[ thoughts ]

2008-02-19T00:46:00.005-05:00

I've been feeling pretty swamped lately with attempting to balance wedding planning, schoolwork, several jobs on campus, an internship, an upcoming job placement conference and allowing myself time to be spiritually fed and taken care of physically and emotionally.

Even listing those responsibilities brings to mind all those things that I have not yet accomplished, meetings I've missed (so not me!) and how it is that I will sleep more than five or so hours per night for the remainder of the semester.

Increasingly I am becoming more aware of my own limits -- limits for which I've had seriously foggy perspective until now -- just under three months before graduation. More and more I am realizing how much I need people around me -- not just to come alongside me and help me -- but to pray for me, helping me to ask God for serious strength. This isn't my 'default mode,' but oh, how the Lord is urging me to be honest about this need and receive from others during this time.

As I write this, my room is a mess. Laundry, cardstock samples for invitations, flyers I've neglected to hang up on my floor and a bridesmaid's dress hanging on my towel bar (forget the towel; it's hanging somewhere else!).

For those who know me well, this isn't a huge surprise, but really -- it's times like these that I am more conscious of how much we need God's grace in our lives. Honestly, as I pause to think beyond cover letters, pew bows and programming points, I'm struck that these times only serve as truth of my need for Jesus Christ not just now, but my depth of need all the time. Usually a glimpse of this reminder instantaneously causes me to have a good tear-fest.

My friend and spiritual mentor Michele spoke life to me last week as we were talking over Italian sodas at the Jitterbug on Thursday afternoon. She knows me well and speaks grace and truth to me, as I am. Michele, who's also getting married (so-o-o soon!), simply reminded me that this is going to be a crazy few months, but that I need to be okay with making some mistakes, asking for help and receiving hefty doses of grace extended from our loving Father. After talking with her, I rushed back to work desk in Finney Hall and tears began to run down my face.

Once I've begun to really think outside the happenings in my own life -- praise God that He brings me there -- I've been more able to see the need around me. There's something unique about being in a spot of need. If we depend on Jesus, it can allow for fresh eyes to see and respond to desperation around us, even in the midst of our own anxieties and worries. Jesus' words about the burdened and heavy laden (oh, how often I've used that passage in this blog -- but check out Matthew 11:25-30) speak universally to those who humble themselves before our God. Even in the past few weeks, it's been encouraging to know that I am not just identified as a student who's a little behind on things and a girl who misses her fiancé, but who -- in her need, in my need -- has been able to experience the grace of God through Jesus Christ in sometimes subtle and other times major ways. I'm thanking Him for those sweet moments with old and new friends, times of catching up and sharing life with one another -- times of transparency and urging each other on toward Jesus Christ.

I hadn't expected to write that much this evening, but hopefully it helps to give you a glimpse of where I am, as I am. This stuff is a little more raw than -- say -- two years ago, but it's a testament of what God's been doing and how He's reminding me of His character, faithfulness and activity in this world of ours.

Thanks for reading and letting me share this with you! Oh -- and look for my senior seminar materials sometime. Seriously.

[ let us love and sing and wonder ]

2008-01-29T01:24:00.000-05:00

I haven't written in quite awhile.

I had begun a post a few weeks back chock-full of pictures from seminar. As I was adding photos onto the blog, however, I had a thought: wouldn't it be fun to reformat all my material from seminar into a long magazine-type feature with corresponding photos and text, complete with fun graphics and subheads and so on?

And then - poof! - the semester began.

Anyway, let's take a rain check on that. I really would like to compile that soon.

* * *

I made this graphic quickly on Microsoft Publisher.
It kind of looks like cheesy Sunday School material, but honestly, this is what I need.
Lord, teach me YOUR WAYS.

In the midst of what seems to be a dozen upcoming life changes, I've been struck by a lot of things but slow to write them down or process through them at length.

Here are a few thoughts.

Jessie Marshall in default mode is this one word: forgetful.

This appropriately characterizes smaller preoccupations in my life, but there's something much bigger at hand here. When I fail to walk in the power of God's Spirit, I am indifferent and ignorant to what He has actively done in my life.

I neglect to recall the foundation He has built in place of sinking sand. I revert into me-mode, where my own control seems sweet and prideful thoughts fill my mind and heart. You'd think it would take pliers to open my eyes to the reality of need around me, even in this place.

Okay, so it's not a pretty picture, but seriously, this is the state of forgetfulness. Forgetfulness of what the Lord has done in my life, where He's redeemed me and how He's calling me forward in faith in trust. This is the reality of it all.

Jesus' words in the Gospel According to John came to mind last night as I thought about how seriously I need resurrection-life that comes from connection with Jesus Christ: "Abide in Me and I in you...apart from Me you can do nothing." (John 15:4,5)

I want to dig through this passage and some commentaries in the next few days, but these familiar words bring me a sort of precious but chilling stand-still.

Oh, that the Lord would call us to transparency not only with others around us, but with the One who knew us and formed us long before we walked the hills of college campuses and job fairs. The God who - by His very nature - cannot back down on His faithfulness to His people, even as we are quick to forget the depths of what He has accomplished for us in Jesus Christ.

Apart from Him we can do nothing. Nothing!

Oh, God - call me to remembrance.

* * *

More later.

[ senior seminar :: part I ]

2007-12-06T21:32:00.000-05:00

I will post some of my senior seminar work this weekend per request! Until then, here's one of my edited pics from the Putnam Historical District in Zanesville:

Much love in Jesus,

Jessie

[ you ain't no friend of mine ]

2007-11-07T00:29:00.000-05:00

Oh, that song - you know, Time, by Hootie and the Blowfish. I love that song and their 1994 album "Cracked Rear View." Lots of radio play in the mid-90's and that folk-rock sound of theirs.

Anyway, in the past few weeks -- even more than usual -- I've been living by this agenda of mine, consumed by an hour-by-hour schedule of work, school and so on. In the middle of class I make lists -- lists with dozens of minor bullet points that have gotten put on the back burner: call the laundry company -- residents haven't been able to use the washing machine all semester in our lounge. Fill out this or that form. Pay the library fine from freshman year. Get internship papers in.

Much of what we have to do is merited and needs to be accomplished efficiently and so on, but constantly I find my mind journeying at lightning-speed to these to-do's -- life things, for sure, but not life-giving things.

Why is it that I am content to be consumed by these ends -- these ends that too quickly become end-alls in my hours and days and weeks?

When I believe -- even for a moment -- that accomplishing tasks somehow will bring me a sense of satisfaction, I am not embracing truth and need to repent and turn to God for new strength and renewed desire to seek Him harder. As believers, we have to be choosing to fight for joy in Jesus Christ, in a Western culture where we barter with one another to be penciled into each other's lives, where time is big money, where we long for authentic, unhindered hours together but spend time behind LCD screens instead, where we overbook and wear ourselves so thin that the only option seems to be evenings of closed doors and crashing on the couch.

Oh, but this is me -- and I need to be changed.

As believers in America, we really have to cry out to God to change what comes so naturally for us -- measuring value by passing minutes, contentment with running so hard that we make ourselves sick.

For me, I could choose to not check my cell phone for the time twenty-five times during Linguistics or leave just enough time to grab-and-go for lunch before hitting the Quad for the day. I could wake up earlier so that evenings could free up for time with friends or I could turn off my laptop so that I'm not writing dozens of e-mails minutes before I hit the sack.

All of those goals seem reachable, but you know what? I need real heart-change that can only be initiated by our Lord. In humility, I must plead for real rest in Him. In honesty, I must invite other believers alongside me to be intentional about fighting for joy.

There's this great resource through a Campus Crusade for Christ website that explores why aligning ourselves with God's purposes on a daily basis is so vital. Here's a quote from Jean Fleming's Food for the Soul:

A Time to Refocus
Quiet time (a.k.a. prayer, reading the Bible, trusting the Spirit, hearing from God) can keep you from frittering your life away on the extraneous, the peripheral. In a culture that exalts and feeds busyness, quiet time can refocus your attention daily on what really matters. God will remind you that your relationship with Him is supreme; every thing else must be subordinate to that relationship. When you pause in God’s presence, the fog clears and values sharpen. You realign yourself with the commitments you’ve made to God and others. The important things emerge, and the secondary things recede one again. The busier you are, the more desperately you need the pause that refreshes.

I can see the reality of this in my own life. If I am not depending on Jesus and interceding in prayer, my efforts -- in classwork, friendships, ministry and so on -- can end up being tasks instead of big-time joys. In order to fully understand His plan and even what really is important, I have to be WITH Him! Isn't it funny that what makes the most sense is the hardest discipline to develop?

Really, it should be simple.

Jesus says, "Come to Me," so I should go.

It's that time when words here must be reality.

[ Your kingdom come ]

2007-11-02T00:45:00.000-04:00

This is pretty cool stuff that my friend Josh shared with some of us on campus via e-mail. Thought I'd pass it on.

He writes:

November 1, 2007 11:55 p.m.

I was walking home tonight, thinking about some things Jessie Marshall and I chatted about—the willingness to come together as believers and pray and things like that—and I got to the Lovejoy Garden near Caldwell Hall, and I stopped walking. I was thinking about the “Lord’s Prayer” that Katie referenced in her talk tonight, and as I was thinking about believers coming together, this hit me:

Jesus taught his disciples to ask, “your kingdom come...”

When I think about all the stories of all the awesome things that God has done in any community of believers, they all seem to start with the same thing: a few people get together and earnestly ask God to bring his kingdom into their lives. That’s it. No plans, no programs, no advertising campaigns, no “vision.” Simply: your kingdom come.

If the new covenant is the picture of God’s immanent and intimate restorative work in all of creation, the process by which he is radically altering the makeup of his people on a heart level, then perhaps the “kingdom of God” is just some way of plugging into that idea. In a kingdom, there is a king, and everyone submits to the king. If we are brought into God’s kingdom, then, yes, it is a process of submitting ourselves before God, accepting his rule and reign in our lives. God’s kingdom is what happens when people get on board with what God is doing in this new covenant brought about through Jesus’ death and made effective through his resurrection.

Now, if Jesus is the one who ushers in the new covenant, he is also the one who teaches about the kingdom of God—and in fact he is the king. So what does Jesus say about his kingdom? What’s it like? What does it look like when people are aligned—on a deep heart level (and here we’re talking about what people really want to do)—with what God wants? Well, Jesus says a lot of things trying to explain it: “The kingdom of God is like...” One of those things is this prayer that Jesus teaches his disciples as part of a big block of teaching in Matthew’s story about Jesus’ life.

The contrast is between the people who are out for their own gain, the “hypocrites,” and the people who actually care about what God wants, who are even willing to not care about what people want. The prayer Jesus teaches is one of humility before God, with awe even for God’s name. Jesus teaches them to ask God: “Your kingdom come, your will be done.” Father, bring your rule upon the earth—we want to submit to you and what you want, so let it be what you want that matters, what you care about that gets done. Then we have some stuff taking the idea further, and so when God’s kingdom comes, cool things happen: God, we are trusting you to give us food today to eat—that’s how much we are submitted to you in trusting relationship. More than that, forgive us our debts, the things that we have done that make it possible to call what you’ve done for us “grace,” and so as part of that, we’re also forgiving other people who have done something to us, so that what we show to them can be called “grace”—in fact, we’re so serious about this, we’re asking that you only forgive us as much as we forgive other people!

And, yeah, keep us away from temptation, from evil, from the evil one—that’s an old kingdom, but we belong to you now, we’re subjects in your kingdom. And with many other words, Jesus is pointing his followers (and us, if we claim to be his followers) to the kingdom of God—God’s total rule established on the earth, in which he alone calls the shots—which Jesus himself is bringing about by his death, and his resurrection. This is the “new covenant,” the new thing that God is doing through Jesus—such that all who respond to Jesus get to be a part of the restorative work that God is doing and get to enter into this “kingdom” of his.

As God changes us on a deep heart level—making us truly want what he wants—we will actually begin to want to ask God to bring his kingdom into our lives. And the cool thing is, he will.

[ monday eve ]

2007-10-09T00:04:00.001-04:00

Pastor Jeff gave a really great message yesterday at the Vineyard. I wish I could remember all of what he said, but here is some truth that dug deep:

As followers of Jesus, we really are subjecting ourselves to risky business in serving God, trusting in His sovereignty for our lives and giving up all control in hopes of being used with power. We shouldn't be surprised, then, if sometimes we feel as if we're riding a rollercoaster, our lives lined with a sort of 'emotional ragged edge.'

The more I seek to align myself with the gospel, the more I feel like a young woman whose life isn't put-together, who must cry out with to her Savior, "My Jesus," sometimes with little or no understanding as to why I feel the way I do. Hearing this message from Jeff and looking at the lives of those in the Bible who cried out regularly is refreshing and needed. Paul's tear-stained cheeks. Jesus weeping for Jerusalem. David's questioning and persistence (check out Psalm 10).

We serve a huge God, yes. Really, though, God cannot be kept at a safe distance if we are to imitate Jesus Christ. The power of the gospel does not translate into safety, but into an invitation to be "caught up personally in the drama of Jesus' death and resurrection" (Manning, The Importance of Being Foolish). The foolishness of the Cross brings the power and wisdom of God, and really, it brings us the freedom to be caught up in the kingdom-work God is accomplishing in the world. Kingdom-work like reconciliation, restoration, and redistribution. Rich stuff that has the capacity to create deeper relationships, expanded views of the world, hearts beating and aligning with His own, and yes -- tear-stained cheeks in being caught up with the rugged, tough, suffering-but-always rejoicing call of God in Christ Jesus.

Jessie

[ as of late ]

2007-10-04T00:09:00.001-04:00

As of late, I've been...

...into Swedish Fish! Weird. I'm not usually into candy, but these pure-sugar gummy fish have me hooked. Ha! Hooked... ;)

...busy. But learning to rest. Matthew 11:28-29 is truth-clingworthy! That word is totally made up, by the way.

...experiencing the Lord's faithfulness. I've been reminded that I'm not 'too much,' a burden or undeserving. Rather, I am one whose not-yet-completeness is treasured by God! It's been cool to share with other women from this place.

...missing Joseph, let's be real.

...thankful that we can be who we are before the Lord and others, even with tear-stained cheeks and lives far from being pieced-together. This is fresh news.

...loving the Black and Magenta staff and our time together. Today it felt like we were in a real newsroom -- the phone was ringing every three minutes and we had one of the funniest conversations about baby corn (check out this webpage, especially its last sentence -- so funny to us today...).

Editors together on not-much sleep make for memorable times. We're having fun. (P.S. -- Meryl, a.) was this picture a candid? and b.) your hair was so long; I forgot!)

...looking forward to Fall Break -- time at home and with Joe, Cedar Point (woohoo!) and rest.

...really, really wanting to claim and live out truth in my life.

Much love.

Jessie

[ some thoughts! ]

2007-09-30T00:47:00.002-04:00

My discipler (kind of like a spiritual mentor) Kelly this summer shared with me aspects of her life that she referred to as "vintage Kelly" -- the sort of character-fabric that is so specific to all of us as we gain awareness of our identity as daughters and sons of a living, active God.

Anyway, as I wrestle with intentionally recalling and claiming my position in Christ, I'm beginning to gain some clarity on what really makes me "pound the table" -- not in frustration -- but with conviction and with hope for responding to what makes my heart beat faster and my eyes light up.

1 Corinthians 15:10 is a verse that has urged me toward the love and grace of God in big ways lately. Paul's heart:

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me."

I've felt some freedom lately to embrace "vintage Jessie" -- the girl who drinks too much coffee, wants to go all-out, receives lots of life from friends and one who wants to change, innovate and communicate.

Anyway, as I read Paul's short-but-sweet words, I am struck by a few things:

By the GRACE of God, we are who we are! Knowing our place before God involves claiming no sufficiency of our own (check out 2 Cor. 3) but responding to the reality of Jesus' death and resurrection.
His grace for US is not in VAIN. We cannot be content with thoughts of God's grace for us being empty or low-quality; grace is full and active, moving us forward in faith in light of God's gift for us in Jesus.
"I worked harder than any of them..." Why? Because insufficiency of Paul's flesh wouldn't cut it. Only the GRACE of God in him would suffice! The rich love of Christ sets us not only free FROM sin, but free TO move with trust in the Holy Spirit's activity in our lives. God's Spirit in us has the power to free us to love and serve God with all of ourselves, expecting to see others drawn near to the good news of Jesus, because He is a reality in our own lives. Oh my, I want to trust in this.

Much LOVE.

Jessie

[ the joy of the Lord is our strength ]

2007-09-14T00:01:00.000-04:00

Do not grieve,
for the joy of the LORD is your strength.
Nehemiah 8:10

I should head to bed soon.

A few random thoughts, though:

When I'm not feeling up to par physically, I can really notice how weak I become and how desperately I need to slow down.

Questions that have come to mind lately:

How does my response to the gospel reflect my view of God? Am I working praying to become a woman who spontaneously responds to the good news of Jesus?
Does the work of the Cross capture me, beyond my own understanding and feelings?
Am I allowing the Lord to permeate every area of my life?
How can I be really intentional in reaching out to men and women here at Muskingum? What will it take?

I miss my parents a lot right now. Mom and I have been texting each other. This really cracks me up.

I get to spend a lot of Saturday and Sunday with Joe! Time with him gives me life. And a heart at rest.

Fall is almost here! At dinner the other night Meryl and I were brainstorming signs of fall, like crisp air, sweatshirt-and-jeans weather and a sudden drop-off -- and trade-off -- in cravings for ice cream for hot apple cider! I think she may be writing a commentary on it next week. Oh, goodness. I have to write commentaries next semester!

The Lord is faithful, even when things seem kind of tough. His joy is our strength. Every part of our insufficiencies and limitations -- covered by God's accomplishments (2 Co. 3:5).

Jessie

[ late nights... ]

2007-09-13T00:44:00.000-04:00

Today's been a full day -- lots of time in the Black and Magenta office, a combined floor program (not a big turnout, but fun) and some good, important digging-deeper conversations with loved ones. It's getting late, but I wanted to post before bed.

The Importance of Being Foolish, a book written by Brennan Manning (The Ragamuffin Gospel, Signature of Jesus), has been really encouraging and relevant in relation what I've been processing and praying through in the past few weeks. Manning is in touch with the Word in a special, unique way that has left me wanting to pursue the Lord harder and with zealous, lively faith. He speaks hard truth in a loving, gentle way. Big stuff.

Here's Manning:

When Jesus Christ reveals himself through the gospel, which is active and creative, he calls for a spontaneous response. His message is not a reassurance to keep right on doing what we've been doing, but, writes, Edward O'Connor, "a summons to the labor of eliminating from our lives, faithfully and perseveringly, everything in us that is opposed to the work and will of his Holy Spirit for us."

Lately I've been desiring that the Lord would find me faithful in pursuing his heart so that my love for others here and across the world would multiply -- and, really, that I would be found willing to act upon need with hopeful spontaneity. Trusting in his will and not my own. I want to be found really loving my Lord, anticipating his direction, getting over myself in order to eliminate what I've been claiming as my own. Oh, that he would redeem a lost people and restore them to life again.

Jesus, we owe it all to you.

But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, "Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord." (1 Co. 1:27-31)

[ purpose ]

2007-09-02T22:02:00.001-04:00

Here's a few things I've been processing through lately, with close friends here and a handsome young man in Columbus... ;)

It seems like when the Lord brings us to some sort of new understanding -- of the Word, of His work in the world or straight-up inspiration from the Holy Spirit, there tends to be some weight. In the past few weeks I've been beginning to think about what this really looks like in the life of a believer -- to not just seek the Lord in order to be "filled up," but to take seriously our position in Christ and the urgency of reaching those around us for His sake.

As we take time to read, study and pray through the Word, we should be expectant of a few things, I think. We should anticipate thoughts centered on God's glory. We should expect to be more aware of Jesus and His presence. We should wait expectantly for God to build in us confidence in the power of the gospel for the world. And as we grow in God-initiated confidence, we should look forward to rejoicing in proclaiming His good news.

I am grateful for the truth that often the desires of my heart align with God's will, but I don't want to get caught up in holding those desires and passions too high. Instead, I want to be found faithful in desiring Him first without an agenda of my heart being full to the brim. This area of my walk with the Lord is tough -- too often when I wake up in the mornings my shallow desires come first, even after really sensing God teaching and refining me the previous evening. I can only pray that this will sink more deeply into my walk. When I become too focused on my desires -- even desires of the heart -- I lose sight of the gospel-message in its totality: not just for full hearts, but for redemption. God-accomplished salvation -- for all nations. The message of gospel should send chills up my spine in that sense.

In making any decision -- near or distant -- the only real option right now is to pray. And to pray hard. And when I think I have prayed enough, to get on my knees and pray some more. This truth seems pretty special to me right now.

A few random thoughts, too: I think I have a green thumb. I like watching movies with Joe because he's really good at picking them out and explaining cool stuff to me afterwards. I've been staying up way too late -- it's the one time here in the hall that's so quiet, though. In my lifetime I really pray that God will use me in communicating the Word, His kingdom-work and even some practical life-stuff in creative, relevant and tangible ways that will urge people toward Him. I wish I could articulate more of what I mean by that, but I think -- hope! -- that will be shown with more opportunities to write, speak, study and equip others.

His grace for you is not in vain. (1 Co. 15:10)

Jessie :)

[ i need Thee every hour ]

2007-08-27T00:21:00.000-04:00

Whew.

The Lord has been stirring up a lot in my life lately.

He is increasing in me hope for how He will make His name great on campus this year, drawing me into the Word and giving me opportunities to share the gospel with students and others here at Muskingum. I am praying that His name will continue to be the One who is praised and that I would continually become more Christ-aware and less aware of myself.

I've started reading Shadow of the Almighty, a biography of Jim Elliot authored by Elisabeth Elliot. I've really enjoyed reading it so far because of the way she expresses his 'legacy' -- not one of heroism or even martyrdom, but as a Christ-follower who took obedience to Christ in the most serious way.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose," the often-quoted words of Elliot, have gotten me thinking lately about what the Cross really means to me and how seriously I take the fullness of the gospel.

How willing am I to give of what is not really mine and what I have no license to keep in order to see and experience the entirety of God-accomplished salvation? What will it take for me to be captured by the truth of the gospel and to move forward in obedience to the Cross? Am I willing to give up my rights, dreams and pride for the sake of gaining Christ and being found in Him? How valuable is the message of the gospel to me? How is this reflected in the way I interact with the world?

These are all questions I am wrestling over -- sometimes until 2 or 3 a.m., to be honest. I am thankful, though, that God is bringing me to this place, that He is striking in me a desire to know and apply His work and is taking me to humility daily, even through some tears and honesty with Him.

This post is a little more candid than usual, I think.

It's where I am, for sure. Nothing else would quite match up.

Much love.

Jessie

[ sunday afternoons... ]

2007-07-29T14:46:00.000-04:00

This is our last Sunday in Traverse City! Whoa.

After church today we met the congregation of Redeemer Presbyterian downtown by the bay for a picnic lunch. Laura, Pastor Dan's wife, had bought food for all twenty-some of us! It's such a beautiful day here.

Tomorrow I am speaking at our weekly teaching meeting on 1 Thess. 4:13-5:28 -- really hard but good stuff. I have a lot of work to do yet today but am praying that this preparation time will be a time of treasuring Jesus. It's a much different type of talk than I have given at Muskingum -- not so much topical, but all-text based. It can be a little overwhelming to study the Word -- well -- word-by-word and realize that, in all reality, someone could spend an entire year teaching on 1 Thessalonians! Side note: WOW. Paul loved that church!

Alright, in all honesty, I really do need to get some work done -- that is, after I order a cheap Sprint cell phone off eBay. I was in a hurry to wash my uniform the other day and definitely washed the good ol' cell phone. Oh, well.

Jessie

[ on the bay ]

2007-07-20T23:58:00.000-04:00

I really love the local church body that we're communing with this summer in Traverse City.

Most of our group has been attending Redeemer Presbyterian Church, about a ten-minute drive from campus. The congregation has displayed love to our summer project group in a lot of cool ways, including invitations to cook-outs, bonfires, talks over coffee and other time at their homes. Erica, one of the young women on project with me, was baptized in their church service last Sunday morning and their congregation has committed to walking alongside her in her faith journey, though she'll be quite a few hours away at The O.S.U. :)

This evening after our time with the Lord a bunch of us (get this: just us women; all the guys were out sharing downtown and poring (sp.?) over -- another "get this" -- Habbakuk!) went over to the Millwards' beach, out near Old Mission Peninsula. (Old Mission Peninsula is one of the most beautiful parts of GTB, for sure!)

We arrived there around 9 p.m., after making a few wrong turns (I was navigating for Meredith, who was leading a few other cars-full of girls, so go figure!), and walked down to the beach, where there were probably forty or so people of all ages -- lots of kids and older couples, too.

Those who were there from Redeemer were so interested in our mission this summer in Traverse City, and later on in the evening -- beneath the stars and by the bonfire -- we shared stories of what we've seen the Lord do in our midst this summer. Pastor Millward, who is a retired businessman and who was on staff with Youth for Christ for awhile, told us -- so genuinely -- that he and the congregation are proud of what we're doing and that we are an encouragement for their church.

Lauren (far left) shares about Eusef -- see previous blog entry!

He and his wife as well as another couple shared some stories, too -- how they've seen seeds planted and watered -- and the harvest sown. So cool.

At one point we were talking about the need for -- in a few words -- boldness and clarity of the gospel in America, and Pastor Millward mentioned how, at times, it can be discouraging talking to others his age who are apathetic or disinterested in their faith. Afterwards, he mentioned something like, "Our church -- we just can't stop talking about our faith and what Jesus is doing." Before we left they prayed for us and for the remainder of our time here in Traverse City. Really cool.

Tonight was special for me because it helped build in me even more affirmation about the local church and its importance in the life of a believer. I feel like we really were able to worship God tonight with our stories, conversations and time together.

Tomorrow: housekeeping, outreach and a Beach Bums game! Should be fun.

Love you all.

Jessie

[ 100! ]

2007-07-18T00:47:00.000-04:00

Sunset at Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes -- mid-June(ish) 2007

This is my one-hundredth post!

Apparently the approximately every-day posts last summer added up quickly.

Summer project in Traverse City is really becoming exciting. We're seeing the Lord move on this campus and throughout the city, drawing people to Himself and nudging our group toward more confidence in the gospel of true grace and redemption.

After dinner this evening we had a brief time of Soularium training -- Solarium is an innovative tool developed by Campus Crusade, asking those we share with to choose amongst a group of photo images in response to the following prompts:

Describes my life right now...
What I wish were a part of my life...
Describes God...
What I've experienced spiritually...
What I wish were true of my spiritual life/journey

Thus far Solarium has been great for our project. It drives us toward listening -- really listening -- to those we meet, walking alongside them throughout the length of time we talk with them. I especially like Solarium because it is relational and seems to especially resonate well with college-aged students. I am excited to use this at Muskingum with our team there.

Tonight one of the students here at NMC, Eusef, trusted in Christ -- so exciting! Just the other evening he was watching Forrest Gump with our group and this evening Rochelle, Natalie and Lauren had the opportunity to share the gospel with him! Rochelle -- who is one of my roommates and such an amazing young woman -- was encouraged and told me the joy she could see on Eusef's face was incredible. Praise God.

This evening Meredith and I had the opportunity to talk with another NMC student, Jeffrey, who was actually downtown by the bay -- sitting on the top of a picnic table and reading a huge novel. There weren't too many people by the lake this evening, but I had noticed him sitting there and asked Meredith if she wanted to see if he wanted to go through Soularium with us.

He agreed, but immediately was inquisitive beyond Soularium itself -- especially as to why we were in Traverse City and what we believe about general and pretty specific faith issues. He's well-read in religion and social issues, which was exciting to me -- I love interacting with people whose questions demand me to articulate my faith, passions and worldview -- to seek common ground but to be able to stand firm in the gospel and in what Jesus is doing in the lives of others around me and in my own life, too.

We dialogued for about an hour -- everything from Frederick Douglass (no joke!), poetry, poverty, Jesus' teachings, his friendships (in Traverse City, nonetheless!) with Muslims and all sorts of stuff that reminded me of a conversation with one young couple earlier this summer and various extended conversations with friends in Austin.

At one point he looked at me and asked, "So, what is your life going to look like?"

My jaw probably dropped, to be honest, because this has been at the forefront of my mind throughout project, thinking about the year ahead at Muskingum and life beyond that place. I shared with him my hopes of someday living in a city, doing ministry of some sort and living and walking -- in some way -- alongside those whose life is not nearly as "cushy" as my own, taking seriously how Jesus cared -- and cares -- for the weak, defending them and exalting those who humble themselves before Him. He shared his concern with the Church, that so much oppression has been initiated in name of Jesus, and I shared honestly about being bound to this world, sin and the unfortunate reality of hypocrisy amongst messy people leading and journeying with other messy people.

Jeffrey told us that he thinks faith is a beautiful thing, that one could believe in a man who walked on water, turned water into wine and during his temptation said that "...man [cannot] live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God" (Matt. 4:4). I shared with him what I've been thinking lately about faith itself, that nothing in my limited flesh wants to cry out for One greater than me, and that this faith itself is a gift from God alone. Who, logically, wants to give up control of their life -- to depend on Jesus alone -- without faith itself first being an undeserved gift?

I wrote down a few books for Jeffrey to check out -- some Miller ("A suggestion from a writer to a writer..." -- I'm such a nerd!) and an Anne Lamott book I've never read but think that would be right up his alley. We challenged him to read John's Gospel a few times and gave him our e-mail addresses. I really hope we can see him again in the next two weeks and that some of the guys here can connect with him.

I loved this conversation with Jeffrey. It gave me hope in the power of the gospel -- Jesus Himself, who has transformed lives across the world with His victory over sin and death. This conversation -- which could have lasted into the evening, I'm sure -- urged me forward in trusting God with the years ahead of me, that I can share honestly about my dreams and desires with others. Ones that sometimes seem out of reach when I think in terms of what I would naturally lean toward -- a sort of couch and potato chip faith (which all too often characterizes my walk), but the same dreams and desires that God Himself has inspired, as broken and in-process as I am right now.

The Lord is really using this time in Traverse City to develop me in thinking seriously and acting accordingly to "affectionately [desire]" (1 Thess. 2:8a) those around me to know and experience what God Himself has accomplished through the Cross -- and then to labor in love for them to know the freedom and truth of the gospel.

Alright, I am working in a few hours, so I'd better get going. Can't wait to see you all again, whoever and wherever you are.

Much love,

Jessie

"So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us." (1 Thess. 2:8)

[ 2-1 ]

2007-07-15T00:54:00.000-04:00

Today was my 21st birthday -- a lot of people really made it special for me; thanks! I felt really loved and encouraged today.

Angie and I worked at the Quality Inn from about 9 a.m. to 3:30 p.m., which wasn't so bad. While we were checking out, she paused for a moment and said to our general manager, "Today 'together everyone achieved more!'" You know, the T.E.AM. motto that seems to find its way onto a majority of office walls and workplace bulletin boards. She cracks me up! I love working with her. God's given us the opportunity to have spiritual conversations with most of our co-workers, though we haven't been able to dig deeper into the gospel itself. Time with others is limited -- about twenty minutes at lunch and random times here and there throughout the day. It's been cool, though, to see how the Lord provokes questions in our co-workers. I can begin to see how many times I've failed at being prepared, as Peter describes in his letter to scattered believers throughout Asia Minor, "...to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you," -- with gentleness and reverence. (1 Pt. 3:15)

After work about ten of us girls from project went to B.D.'s Mongolian BBQ -- yum! It was so fun to spend time off campus with them. Angie asked me the same question we asked Holly during her birthday celebration -- how I saw the Lord at work in the past year and my hopes for the upcoming year. I think we should probably ask ourselves that more often, not just on our birthdays. I need daily reverence in aligning my heart's desires with God's activity in the world.

Later on we had an outreach/social event -- board and card games in the basement of West Hall, where we live. A few co-workers from McDonald's came to the event, which was pretty cool. To the left are a few students from project taking time to relax after a long week of work, planning and new-ness. Later on we walked to a local "mom and pop's" ice cream shop and down to Bryant Park for fireworks on the bay -- the ones that wrapped up the Cherry Festival. These were a lot more impressive than the ones on the Fourth... ;)

Tomorrow's a big day: lots of meetings, going out sharing with the women I disciple, planning and hopefully some concentrated time in the Word. With how busy project can be, I've found myself coming to the Lord late-late-late at night, asking Him to restore me through His Word and in prayer. In reality, nothing will be worthwhile if I am not treasuring Christ above all in these last weeks on project. Time is flying by -- unbelievable.

More later, I'm sure. I expect to be continually looking back on project, both now and later, and reaching for the nearest piece of scrap paper to write down something that has made my heart skip a beat, a new idea or thought that has urged me forward to seek Him harder or a fun moment that has made me bend over in laughter.

I love this time -- this place, these people and what God is doing in me and in others here.

Jessie

[ festivities! ]

2007-07-05T00:38:00.000-04:00

A random thought: our summer project group has been so goofy lately! I love it.

Tonight we went downtown to West Bay and hung out for awhile, played some volleyball, constructed a sand recliner for our fireworks-viewing, and around 10 p.m. or so watched the fireworks over the bay! They weren't awe-striking, but various bouts of patriotic singing and excited "oohs" and "ahhs" made for a memorable evening. On the two-mile -- but half-hour! -- drive home, our car (Jim, Eric, Kelly and I) talked about our favorite movies, which just felt like a conversation you'd have with old friends or something like that. Really refreshing and needed.

I drank a cup of coffee tonight -- the first cup I've had in maybe three or four months!

I forgot how amazing coffee tastes.

Here's the thing, too: it definitely was 7-Eleven coffee -- typical convenience store coffee in a 16-oz. Styrofoam cup!

Ah, but it was good!

I'm guessing I won't drink a ton of coffee the rest of the summer, but it really does something for a pick-me-up!

Okay, enough about that.

The staff leave this Saturday evening during our mid-project banquet. Insane! Already it's beginning to feel like project is being turned over to us, with new roles posted today and tons of meetings for our ministry teams and leaders. This is an exciting time -- trusting God to give us big-picture vision for project and for next week's day-by-day plans to fall into place quickly. We're busy here, with working four or five days a week at pretty intense jobs and nightly meetings, training and outreaches. Personally, it's been cool to see how the Lord is working in my smaller, moment-by-moment decisions in terms of perspective and priorities. Last week I turned down a few extra opportunities to go into work and last night I slept for nearly twelve hours! This doesn't happen often, for sure. Kelly and I were talking about it today during discipleship, though, and it was encouraging to hear from her that it was probably the way that God could be most glorified in my morning -- not because I was inactive, but because it gave me life for the rest of the afternoon and evening, where I needed to be "on." I think I mentioned this in my last entry, but I really am beginning to realize more and more, especially here on project, that I am only "one girl" -- one who has the same 24-hour days as everyone else and who can no longer suffice on three hours of sleep per night!

Praise God that we are only being called to that which will bring Him the most glory -- which, I'm beginning to understand, doesn't mean running myself so thin that I forget to treasure Jesus above all else rather than people, to-do lists or the world I've often seem to conjure up on my own.

In the last few days when I've read the Word and come across Jesus' declaration of "Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest (Matt. 11:28)," I am often brought to this seemingly obvious recognition that He means rest. Not just a deep breath, but rest, because our flesh can only do so much before we just have to cry out in dependency upon Him. To "take [His] yoke upon [us], and learn from [Him]," for in Him we can find "rest for our souls" (Matt. 11:29).

I've found that God brings me to the point of need not so that I wallow in self-pity -- though my mind and heart will go there without Him -- but so that I will understand in that moment not just my urgent need for Him right then and there, but my urgent need for Him all the time. Really, I should seek to be brought to that type of dependency on a daily basis, embracing that for what it's worth: making His name famous.

Ah, what it will mean for Jesus to be moving in our lives and teaching us a seriously-huge, present-tense sort of promise: "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9)

My heart aches for more of this -- more dependency on my Maker -- as I increasingly realize how messy and ill-equipped I am on my own terms, and how when I bring nothing to the table, He has everything to offer. Sending me -- sending all of us -- out in a messy, ill-equipped world with the gospel message of redemption and serious hope.

Love you all.

Jessie

[ let justice and praise become my embrace ]

2007-06-30T00:17:00.001-04:00

Over the last few days I've started to write entries, but haven't published them because their -- as we'd say as journalism majors (ha!) -- timeliness hasn't been so great. I'll write a few paragraphs and then get into a conversation with someone here or realize that maybe I need more sleep than I used to require, say, sophomore year of college! (Three multiples of 90 minutes doesn't cut it anymore...) :)

Here's some things -- people -- moments -- that I've been thinking about, both unrelated to project and others that have been very much a part of being here. Those things -- people -- moments -- that make "me," me -- you know, stuff I can embrace that maybe I haven't before:

I want to spend the "best hours of my day" with people. It's been challenging so far working a housekeeping position because I interact with vacuums, Spic 'N Span and huge trash bags full of linens for six or seven hours per day. Yikes! This is hard for me; I don't really "receive life" -- this is a phrase I've been interacting with that phrase lately -- from being alone. God is working amidst this. (Random other thought: has anyone ever snapped a vacuum belt? The other day at work I accidentally vacuumed over a pen cap, heard a strange snapping noise and then encountered a terrible smell! Anyway, it was an experience. I had to Febreze the room like no other!)
God is asking me to seek Him hard TODAY. He's entrusted me with that call first, and then for ME to be ME for His story and kingdom-work TODAY, not Jessica Marshall one year from now or even two weeks from now. He's adequately prepared me for today, and trusting in that is the biggest way I can serve Him now and for what's to come later. (This all seems to make sense in my mind. But maybe not so much in the application in my heart and life. Hey, I'm 20.)
I really want to commit my life to the city. How that'll look a year from now, I'm not sure. I'm becoming more excited the more I read and think and pray about this! I've been reading a lot of Tim Keller stuff, both his writing and sections on his church website.
My family is fun. I love them a lot.
I love to sing! I mean, I've known that, but wow, praise God for that.
My favorite time of the day, I've discovered, is around 7 or 8 p.m. in the spring and 9:30 or 10 p.m. (it stays light later here!) in the summer; the time when the sun hits buildings warmly that seems to set a glow on the bricks in a "just-such" way. Ah!
Joseph Arthur Ellis. :)
Students are staying up later and later here on project. I can count on people hanging out here in a few minutes when I head upstairs to the Tiki Hut. That's such a sweet thing right now.

This post is not what I always aim for when I blog, but you know what, I think that's okay, if you're okay with it, too.

If you're reading this, you're probably a grace-extender in my life and embrace me "as-is" anyway, beyond this silly blog. ;)

Love you all.

Jessie

[ GTB update! ]

2007-06-22T22:52:00.000-04:00

I've been pretty inconsistent so far with posting from Traverse City, but will be trying harder in the next couple weeks, as work schedules become more set in stone and as I figure out what's the best time to spend a half-hour or so on the computer each day (we only have access in our downstairs lobby, which is actually a big blessing for a lot of us on project). I definitely DO check and send e-mail, though, and would love to hear from you. The e-mail I've been trying to use more often is jmarshall714@gmail.com.

I didn't get a job at the Cracker Barrel when I interviewed last Thursday afternoon -- the manager had a list of four or five night servers who were hoping to move the day shift. (Overall, day shifts are more pleasant to work and you earn more tips, too.) I had anticipated this and wasn't sure how I'd react to it, but God really extended me grace, humility and perspective that afternoon to begin understanding that I have such a loose grasp on what's good or best and especially His own plan for my summer.

Later last Thursday and then Friday I continued the job search, applying at a few retail stores and picking up about two dozen other applications to take back on Saturday morning. It seemed like there were a lot of businesses that were giving out applications but not immediately hiring, so Angie and I went out on Saturday morning away from downtown, where most of us had been putting our applications. We woke up early, had some breakfast, and started asking managers at hotels along Front Street (one of the main roads running through Traverse City) if they were immediately hiring. Some were and most weren't, but we came across one hotel -- about two miles from NMC -- whose front desk worker told us that her manager would be back soon and that they were hiring for housekeeping.

Anyway, last Saturday morning Angie and I got hired at the Quality Inn on Front Street in Traverse City, MI! Neither of us had ever thought about housekeeping this summer but were really -- really, really -- excited to have gotten hired for a job. After the general manager -- a really nice guy whose name is John -- hired us, we walked out, looked at each other and sort of did a typical "Angie and Jessie" scream of excitement. It was awesome to know that -- as Joe was encouraging me during our job search -- that we can't even begin to understand how much of the work is part of God's sovereign plan. And this -- only for a summer! How much more should it bring me joy that Jesus is active and drawing me toward Himself and His work -- and calling me to join Him in this! Praise God for embracing us so we can embrace Him.

Cool stuff about work [and project in general]:

Though I loved serving tables, there were some days when I would get anxious and not feel great physically. I am experiencing God's provision in placing me in housekeeping, which is hard work but hasn't been causing anxiety in me. Praise God.

The other day after work Angie and I had the opportunity to go out with one of our co-workers Ashley for a bite to eat at Taco Bell and got into some really awesome conversation. I really felt led to share the gospel with her, and though she didn't respond, I am thankful that Angie and I have all summer to model Jesus' love to her and that He is faithfully drawing Him to herself. I already love Ashley so much.

Angie and I can ride our bikes to work!

I am amazed at the boldness of students here in going out to share their faith. There's been some really cool stuff so far -- MANY people trusting in Christ and surely hundreds of spiritual conversations.

We're studying 1 Peter, which I may have mentioned in the last post -- but it's been challenging and necessary all at the same time. Our director Matt Kent has been leading our Monday night teaching times during our weekly meeting. He is such a wise man and it's been cool to have his family around, too.

Been thinking a lot about ministry and God's call upon my life. Lots to discern and process this summer. I can only thank Him and others here that this time and space is ideal for that.

Love you all.

Jessie

[ jobs ]

2007-06-13T15:59:00.000-04:00

We just started our job search today -- kind of a tough day; most of us are worn out from orientation stuff but had to go full-force with job searching.

I have about twenty applications and an interview at the Cracker Barrel tomorrow at 3 pm with one of their managers. Pray for us, that we'd be humbled to work where the Spirit is leading us and have some big-time energy to keep going -- keep seeking Him out, digging into the Word and having some breathing time, especially this weekend.

God is faithful, active and is showing me how He provides, even if I feel like the more I depend on Jesus, the more bipolar I become. (Okay, extreme -- but you know what I mean.)

We are messy, broken individuals serving a perfect God, to be sure.

Love you all.

[ beginnings of GTB ]

2007-06-11T23:51:00.000-04:00

I arrived in Traverse City just a few days ago but already there is a sense of trust, identity and purpose for the community of students here on project.

There are about thirty students here, many of whom attend school in the Great Lakes Region (the method that Crusade uses to divide its movements regionally). About two dozen are women and the remaining six are men! Though there is an unusual abundance of women on this project, it has been a blessing so far. Tonight we had an extended time of teaching, worship and confession -- definitely a powerful time and a meaningful time for this body to be built up before we are sent out to look for jobs around Traverse City.

It is so beautiful here -- I'll definitely post pictures soon (once I get around to taking them, that is!). We're about a ten minute walk from a public park and beach and downtown Traverse City is only around a mile away! (This is exciting to me -- I love downtowns.)

We're staying at Northwestern Michigan College, which is a unique little campus off one of TC's main roads but nestled in the woods! It's definitely one of the prettiest campuses I've seen -- very different than Muskingum but just really beautiful. The staff here is great and there are places in our hall to hang out with others as well as escape for quiet times or time with just a few other people. This campus has been a blessing so far.

I'm really looking forward to posting more. (Random thought.)

We go out on Wednesday to look for jobs. I'm looking forward to working again -- I am really challenged and alivened (still not sure if that's a word!) in working alongside other people. I'm planning to apply at the Cracker Barrel, but if that doesn't work out, I'm up for anything. This summer is about Jesus and joining with Him where His kingdom is.

I love you all and hope we can stay in touch this summer. You're important to me and staying in touch with you is, too.

Jessie

[ road trip and new journeys ]

2007-05-30T14:17:00.000-04:00

I haven't written for awhile, so I find myself entering into blogging again with some hesitation, hoping -- on one hand -- that what I have to say is wise, but knowing on another that the purpose of any bright, creative, or encouraging thought is to bring glory to my Creator.

Last week Katie and I went on a road trip to Tennessee -- such an awesome trip. I love the eastern region of TN, for its Smokeys and too-sweet tea and the way that its Southerners return there and call it home. This area of Tennessee seems to beckon home its family who grew up there with the lure of its fresh air, mild climate, and back porch living. This isn't my home and may never be, but I recognize that this place is special.

Katie's grandparents, especially her grandmother, live for telling stories -- of early beginnings in their marriage, laugh-out-loud anecdotes about their children, and insights about their neighbors filled with rare grace. While her grandmother tells stories, I realize that I want my life to matter like hers has, not withholding love from others, guarding dignity, and holding tight to the special people in my life.

These desires -- of leaving, falling in love, doing what God's doing, and so on -- are deep-rooted and often feel beyond the space and time I'm in now, but I must trust that they are founded in the grace and truth of Christ. I must trust that this new journey will be led by wisdom from Him alone and need to cling to every ounce of that. I want to live out of the freedom of this new journey, to leave and not be afraid -- to share all I have without worrying about what's behind.

I'm beginning to be grateful for what's to come -- growing up, perhaps, but soon being challenged with so much more than I could ever reflect upon now. Depending on Him for everything. Considering all else loss.

[ ART-170 :: final project! ]

2007-04-20T20:54:00.000-04:00

Final project for ART-170 - Graphic Design. Click on picture for full-screen.

[ calendar design :: ART-170 ]

2007-03-30T15:38:00.000-04:00

I've really enjoyed working on this project.

If you click on the images, you'll be able to see a more detailed view of the calendar design.

Thanks for looking!

[ calendar...]

2007-03-22T17:55:00.000-04:00

Calendar design thus far.

The background layer is a photo that John Drubel took on my camera while we were camping with the CRU crew about a year ago. I put this layer through a filter, adjusting the settings around a bit. I think it looks pretty good.

[ ART-170 :: unexpected visuals ]

2007-03-20T18:08:00.000-04:00

This project turned out kind of odd and I'm not really sure if it "works," but I learned some important stuff...haha.

[ by our love ]

2007-03-14T22:30:00.001-04:00

We will work with each other, we will work side by side
We will work with each other, we will work side by side
And we'll guard each one's dignity and save each one's pride
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
They will know we are Christians by our love

Such a beautiful hymn.

God is doing something new.

Let's join Him.

More later. Lots to write about...

[ ad :: ART-170 ]

2007-02-28T12:10:00.000-05:00

We were required to take a photo of a computer or laptop and design an advertisement using our last name and a short slogan. I like the look of the MacBook - definitely sleek. :)

Second design with the word "home" in it - whoa. Next project: unexpected visuals. Should be really interesting.

[ poster :: ART-170 ]

2007-02-08T17:56:00.001-05:00

Here's a poster that I designed for ART-170: Graphic Design I.

It's a simple design - we had a few requirements: 11x17", placement of text and an autoshape and flat RGB color (no gradients or other automated stylistic stuff).

I experimented some with opacity, layering and contrasting colors and am looking forward to being able to use more involved style stuff.

The Lord is really restoring joy for me in terms of my classes - I haven't experienced this in awhile. Thanks to Him for that, to be sure.

Off to Indy this weekend for "Everyone Sent" (a.k.a. "Life Options" in the past) with Campus Crusade for Christ. Really pumped.

Much love in Him.

[ freedom ]

2007-01-28T23:30:00.000-05:00

"For the joy set before Him
He endured the Cross,
scorning its shame."
-Hebrews 12:2

* * *
a prayer

oh, Lord
You who are blameless

You, oh Jesus
became sin

oh, Lord
You who are humble

You, oh Jesus
draw near

oh, Lord
You who live

You, oh Jesus
enter in

oh, Lord
Your kingdom come

oh, Lord
reign

oh, Lord
free us

oh, Jesus
claim victory

[ tip your server :: their stories ]

2006-12-18T16:07:00.001-05:00

Part IV of IV. All names have been changed for privacy.

Coffee shops are interesting in the mornings, especially around 8 a.m. or so. Women in the business world straighten out their suit jackets - another 12-hour day follows their daily caramel latte. Older men add a newspaper to their coffee order and sit in the same corner seat for hours reading that USA Today cover-to-cover: the Yankees lost last night. We're sending more troops overseas. Gas prices are continuing to skyrocket.

Oftentimes before I'd begin early-morning breakfast shifts I'd be there, too, ordering myself a cup of their house blend (add skim milk and one Splenda, please) and a muffin and be on my way to serve dozens of guests of my own, who would want coffee and muffins too, and who even liked shredded cheese on their grits. I'd accommodate their requests, even if it took an extra 45 seconds to refill the ingredients reserved for salads and other items in the "prep area." Time is money in a restaurant whose guests expect pleasant service, fresh food and subsequently, a toothy grin to boot.

Some seemingly important things - like caffeine to start an early morning, MLB and even the injustice of a three-dollar gallon of gas all began to quickly fade away when I was awakened to reality beyond my doorstep and my comfortable lifestyle in small-town, northern Ohio: realities of food stamps and of broken-down apartments and of alcohol dependence; of one-night stands and of domestic violence and of this place, this kitchen, defining stability and security in the life of these servers.

These were their stories:

Karen, who - without a doubt - was one of my favorite coworkers, ran out of food stamps in late July and couldn't afford formula for her four-month old for at least another four days. One afternoon when we were in the midst of a shift change, Karen and I passed one another and I noticed that she had slimmed down and was wearing a brand-new pair of khakis with her pink oxford shirt. She hadn't bought any clothes for herself in six months, she said. Karen loves Mountain Dew and zucchini, but only indulges every so often.

Dawn - the super-server - had a birthday and was scheduled to work (we needed her that morning), but was so hurt by her husband refusing to spend time with her on her "damn birthday" that she left - in a hurry, unable to force out a word.

Matt - the associate manager - who believed his career was dependent upon 12-hour days, and of nodding in full agreement during meetings with the regional manager, had to support his wife, and his daughters. In a heartbeat, Matt's heart would soften if you asked to see photos of his beloved family.

Stories of getting "stiffed" and later catching up with a $20 tip from a few college students; real-life things like poverty and brokenness both intensified and forgotten about (even if for a shift) in the kitchen. On the floor. In that place.

No words or stories can adequately describe what is out there - beyond this place we call home, and in the lives of those who live-out service, day-in and day-out. But as future businessmen and women - and maybe even doctors or lawyers or teachers - we must see beyond their aprons and frizzy hair; their off-day mistakes and confused orders.

A $4 tip becomes $40, and $40 buys formula and pays apartment rent; $40 isn't ten medium cappuccinos, but an oil change that has been on the back burner for months, or a credit card bill payment that is two weeks overdue.

Tip your server.

(15 to 20 percent is adequate for tipping a server at a restaurant. If you are part of a large group and the restaurant - like the one I worked at this summer - does not have an automatic gratuity added on to your bill, consider at least a three to four percent increase on top of what you usually give if you are in a smaller party. Tipping.org is also a good Web source.)

[ tip your server :: slammed! ]

2006-12-18T16:03:00.000-05:00

Part III of IV. All names have been changed for privacy.

Serving for a restaurant whose motto claims that the chain is comprised of "breakfast people all day" requires early morning wake-up calls; 6:30 a.m. to be precise. And with the unrelenting, monotonous beeping coming from just three feet away, there was no turning back; no centimeter-wide snooze button to hit multiple times and no "dismiss" option to press on my cell phone's alarm with the assurance that I could muster up the strength to wake up in just five minutes. Just five more minutes of sleep. Yes, that would be ideal.

Nighttime training had quickly turned to breakfast shifts, and with that, early mornings were necessary. My car had broken down a few weeks earlier, so my mom drove me to work: highway travel for seven miles and five or ten minutes through summertime traffic toward the restaurant that I was beginning to claim as my own.

I was learning the MICROS shortcuts for breakfast combinations, but beyond that, I was learning faces and names - of coworkers and of older men who would ask for whole milk, not half-and-half, for their fresh-brewed decaf coffee. I obliged, even though I was dead-tired after another night of only three hours of sleep (it takes me awhile to learn lessons, apparently). "Please people," my training booklets asserted. "Guests first," my managers reminded me. Of course, I'd reply, repeating face-value statements whose authenticity was carried out only through tried-and-true service. Okay, I'd say; I'll apologize when their food is late; I'll thank them and tell them to stop by again. I did, and I meant it - most of the time, anyway.

One morning I arrived at about 8:50 a.m. for my 9 o'clock shift and saw that the restaurant's parking lot was fairly bare: a few cars here and there, several vans with out-of-state license plates whose owners were surely hoping to meet Cedar Point's gate-opening at 9 a.m., stuffed full with blueberry pancakes and sausage links; not having to buy too-expensive fried food at the park at least until early afternoon. Mom had dropped me off near the front of the restaurant; I walked in, gazed around our adjacent country store for a few moments (Halloween items had arrived just days earlier) and found that our front dining room was packed. "Slammed," as the other servers and managers would continue to say all summer. Indeed, we were "slammed."

A tour bus (traveling to - not through - Sandusky, to be sure) had arrived around 8 a.m. The group insisted that their forty-some members sit in the front section: the area farthest away from smoking - and closest to our country store. And, on that day, the front section was the area whose servers included Dawn (the career waitress who aimed higher and higher to live up to satisfy our guests), and Jeremy, who had just completed training in my hire group. Jeremy was my age, but needed more than just a few thousand dollars for tuition - he had medical bills to pay from a recent motorcycle injury, and even more debt to pay back for that same wrecked bike. Jeremy wasn't prepared to handle eight tables at once, or for whole breakfast platters that would be sent back because of French toast that was too crunchy, and eggs too runny (over-easy eggs made at home translate into over-medium in a chain restaurant). With all of his tables "live" and several orders neglected because he hadn't inputted them into the computer system, Jeremy immediately became frustrated, threw down his nametag and his swipe card near the serving station, hopped on his newly-bought motorcycle, and drove off into the freedom he had wanted all along. I could almost hear him accelerating down Route 250, speeding past the mall and all of the competing restaurants, all blurring to his left and to his right.

I had never seen anything quite like his reaction to the busyness and high stress of serving those who rode in that tour bus, who would continue on their day; maybe frustrated with that hour or so, but guests who hadn't been able to hear that this Jeremy - this 20 year-old whose hands and feet couldn't keep up that day - was really trying to succeed there, even if it wasn't his "thing." Those two and three-dollar tips would repay debt, and cover apartment rent away from parents - a sprint away from worry and from pain.

I jumped in early that morning, taking Jeremy's tables and assuring Dawn that she had done well, even if half of the section's tickets had been voided because of complaints.

I jumped in, for another day; another day of serving breakfast even until 2 p.m., of out-of-town guests and of regulars; of "six-tops" and of aiming to please each and every guest, regardless of circumstance or preference. Jeremy hadn't missed the "mark," but he hadn't expected that this would be so much different than anything he had done before, like repairing and selling cars at a local dealership.

Time and time again, I too was as unassuming as Jeremy, blinded by the summer sun coming through slightly-opened curtains and through this 8 to 5 journey of my own.

[ tip your server :: i've got your back ]

2006-12-18T16:01:00.000-05:00

Part II of IV. All names have been changed for privacy.

No mayonnaise, but add bread and butter pickles. Substitute soup for fries with a BLT platter (no extra charge). Eggs poached medium with limp bacon (who knew?).

With breakfast served all day and two full menus to learn, it was time to buckle down, memorize every possible meal combination and practice inputing food tickets on our computer system. During those shifts, four hours seemed like ten, and this was still training.

Experienced servers and managers would look over my shoulder, wondering, perhaps, who this "Jessica" was, the college girl with the relentlessly crooked name tag, no embroidery on her uniform; the Jessica with brand-new, double-tied, grip-the-floor tennis shoes that still squeaked with their overpriced newness.

Search, enter, print. Search, enter print. Flipping through the training booklet, I looked ahead to count how many practice tickets I had left: four, to be exact. These last few seemed simple enough, though I couldn't imagine guests regularly ordering fried chicken livers with a double order of lima beans (today's choice vegetable, by the way). What kind of milkshake? Caramel, but make sure to touch "NO" and "WHIP," or whipped cream, as we're in the business of top-notch guest service, and of making the process as flawless as possible for our preparatory, or "prep" cooks. Makes enough sense.

Leah, a trainer herself, a seven-year employee of the company, was my saving grace: "Jessica," she'd say, "You come to me if you need help. I'll be patient."

At that time, it meant the world to me; after all, she wasn't my assigned trainer. Learning the 'ropes' of a restaurant can feel like a losing battle, so I needed those words.

She was patient with me, taking me in and pulling me aside often to tell me "she [had] my back." I liked that; it seemed like she was fighting for me: for the abilities she saw in me; for, maybe, who she thought I was behind the ironed oxford button-ups, Dockers and a constant bundle of nerves. Take a deep breath, I'd tell myself, especially as I saw Leah stride with confidence across the server station. She has six tables. You have only one.

I'm positive Leah is still working 4 to 10 p.m. after days with her young kids, who I only saw once or twice on Thursdays (schedule and check pick-up days). I'm sure that she is pushing to make more and more each night; Christmas is coming, and her son and daughter are treasures to her.

Leah is not alone in this. At our restaurant, server booklets were plastered with photos from birthday parties and once-a-year trips to Cedar Point.

The working middle class is to be revered for the pride they have in their work. For many of the women I worked with, this was life. Life to be lived, work to be done, and with class: Leah, with her whitened, toothy smile. Shelia, with her perfectly-applied cherry lipstick and hair clasps. Dawn, in her drive to please guests.

Embedded in the hearts, however, of these women was the idea that their serving ability, or inabilities, defined their character. "I can't go back on the floor," Dawn would say, torn apart by a 45-minute ticket she had forgotten to input into the computer system. "I'm too embarassed. Drop my ticket for me."

I grew in respect for Leah, for Shelia and for Dawn; for these dozens of women whose days were planned around this restaurant. This was community. This was a safe haven. This was an escape.

Leah "had my back," and I felt that. In the same way, I wanted to support these servers, fight for these women's hearts: fight for them in prayer and in the opportunities I had to honor them.

Good and whole and lasting things often come with struggling, and I thought I was prepared. Maybe I was prepared for those; those true and beautiful end-alls, but not for some of the situations and experiences I'd see and hear about.

The kitchen is much more than input, prep and service; repeat, repeat, repeat. It is life for those who see it through each day, who struggle on its behalf and rejoice in its wellbeing.

[ tip your server :: you're hired! ]

2006-12-18T15:58:00.000-05:00

Part I of IV. All names have been changed for privacy.

As of late, two or three of my best friends and I have escaped the usual study routine in our dorm rooms, journeying a hundred feet or so to the hidden treasure that is the back lobby of Kelley Hall.

Often we take our computers (I haul my Dell while they bring their grab-and-go Apple laptops) and the books we need for the research papers and essays we're writing. The three or four of us claim a table near an outlet, plugging in only for power; there's no Internet access here. The only persistent thought is the task at hand; otherwise, we're carefree, taking breaks for coffee or conversations about faith and life after college that last for hours.

We're dreamers. Into the early morning, we talk earnestly about our desire to be a real part of people's lives, leaving the "American Dream" behind to chase after God's plans, even if it means moving thousands of miles away or living in a modest apartment or small home our entire lives. This is all very exciting to us, to be honest.

When we talk, I tend to forget the months that have passed; namely, the summer months spent at home in northern Ohio serving tables at a large chain restaurant specializing in home-cookin'.

For dozens of my coworkers, living sustainably wasn't something to be attained after realizing that the world had nothing much to offer. It was reality. In fact, it was a reality to be firmly grasped on a daily, if not moment-by-moment basis. Sustainability was the chief aim, not a decision made through late-night dialogue and careful introspection.

I had experience in food service, having worked at a locally-owned Italian restaurant throughout my junior year of high school, waiting on families whose daughters I played middle school volleyball with and whose sons starred on our champion football team. Families seemed to understand if their pizza took a few minutes longer than usual if the football game had just ended or if we were understaffed for the evening. They would call me by name, asking me about my plans for college or where my graduation party was going to be held. Small-town America, defined.

Serving for a corporately-owned restaurant, though, was fairly new to me. I had known for awhile that I wanted to serve tables for the summer, but I'm not sure if I knew what I was getting myself into. Waiting tables seemed glorified to me; I even manufactured a formula for how much in tip money I could make on a weekly basis, taking into account the number of tables I would have at one point in time and, of course, the fifteen to twenty-percent tips that guests would surely leave on the table.

I was hired as a server within a half-hour or so of filling out an application during an open house at the restaurant, interviewing with both an associate manager and the "G.M.," or one commonly-held slang term for the general manager of the restaurant. Matt*, the associate manager, asked me scripted questions: "Tell us about one poor experience you had with a coworker and how you defeated circumstances and were able to rise to the top." Jeff, the G.M., was concerned about the length of my serving stint: a college summer, almost three months exactly. He asked me why I wanted to work for the company, to which I replied with probably a fairly sugar-glazed answer. I wanted the job; I desired the security of knowing that I had obtained a full-time job only a few days after arriving home from campus. And it worked.

Training was two-fold: first, the group of newly-hired employees met each morning the following week with Shellie, our employee services coordinator. She made the early-morning training as pleasant as she could, enticing us with sampler platters of customers' favorite home-cooked dishes and with fountain drinks (which would be off-limits in only a few days; company policy). Shellie has one of those charming personalities that invites young and old in, drawing them into her life with anecdotes that make her life as a middle-class American look like gold. Shellie is the heart of that restaurant. Even the half-dozen or so managers will admit that.

Secondly, the new hires were required to shadow an experienced server for a week or so, tagging along and acting as the runner for refills of fresh-brewed sweet tea and extra maple syrup. I liked this time; I could ask Lydia, my trainer, about her life without having to worry too much about ticket times or the crispness of bacon. I'd tag along during night shifts after her gardening, cleaning-filled days; she had been planning for her father's surprise eightieth birthday party for months. I asked her about the food she'd be preparing; she was concerned about the price of deli meat, and of gas and plasticware. An extra hundred dollars or so is not easy to come by, even as a waitress who has faithfully served a restaurant since its opening.

Training was that in-between time that gives you a quick, outside glimpse into circumstances that are a bit blurred, slightly tainted. It was an adjustment, to be sure, but still was that comfortable time when you aren't fully 'let loose' into independence and responsibility.

Frankly, I had no idea that being released into serving on my own would be the beginning of a three-month stint not only just for sustainability, but for some serious, needed life lessons.

[ the c-b ]

2006-12-18T15:24:00.000-05:00

I was sitting in the parking lot of Best Buy today, facing the back side of the restaurant where I served this past summer -- sitting there, in John's truck -- listening the first-programmed station on his radio, 94.5 FM (the station played most often in the kitchen of the Cracker Barrel too; classic rock hits, mostly from the 80's).

After a moment or two, I noticed Martin stationed by the fenced-in trash areas near the employee parking spaces behind the restaurant. Martin was one of the dishwashers hired toward the end of the summer -- a middle-aged man whose heart was in the job and who was beginning to love that place in August. I'm sure he's been named Employee of the Month by now.

Trash cans, chocked full of industrial-strength clear bags laden with extra food scraps, rolled toward him, speeding from thirty or forty feet away with a perfect arc (this had been done before, to be sure).

Then there was Jake, an associate manager who never called me anything but "Jessica" and whose really cute kids would sometimes visit him at work alongside his wife; Jake, the pitcher of sorts of these half-dozen trash cans flying toward Martin, who would complete the task and return to the dishroom to run hundreds of forks, knives and spoons through the machine for servers to roll.

I hadn't been back or seen anyone from there since August, so I sort of just sat in the truck and watched for awhile, praying for those people and having this strong feeling that God had more to show me -- more to teach me -- in that type of work: serving.

Anyway, I thought I'd post my "Tip Your Server" series on this blog. I wrote a nonfiction series at the end of this semester in a print journalism class I took, and would love for anyone to take a look at it -- and for comments, too.

Chase after Him.

Jessie

(All names have been changed for privacy.)

[ growing up... ]

2006-12-13T00:54:00.000-05:00

A few friends and I went out later this evening for one of my best friend's birthdays, and we were talking some about how it feels like a lot of us are growing up -- but in that, feeling like we really don't always 'have it together,' with all of our plans and dreams and hopes carefully blueprinted and so on.

I've been struck by that so much this semester -- that I am still young and inexperienced and have a lot to learn, but that Jesus is faithfully walking alongside me.

He is here -- pushing us forward in this life of ours, toward our Father who loves us and fights for us and humbles us.

He's teaching me through His Spirit -- through loved ones and hard things I'm learning.

He's interceeding for me, molding me to become more giving, more teachable, more gentle. More fully dependent on His grace alone.

This 'not having it all together' business is exciting -- but scary too, to be honest.

There's no more...
pieced-together and mounted puzzles,

no confidence in my flesh alone,

no conjuring up I'm okay(s)...

no room to rely on anything lifeless -- dead -- buried.

Instead there's...
His Word: bearing hope -- alive -- resurrected.

promises,

strength,

restoration,

real community...

and

the Cross.

I don't know why I choose to live for anything less than this.

-Jessie

[ His gospel is peace ]

2006-12-12T00:48:00.000-05:00

This afternoon my friend Adam was working desk and we were talking about our tendency to dwell on insignificant things -- reality only found in front of our eyes, in this dorm and on our campus. We talked some about how these kinds of things -- you know, complaining about laundry or dining hall food or even completely turning all of our attention toward academia -- gives us this wholly self-reliant, self-sufficient mindset.

In my life, not only do these thoughts turn all of my energies toward what's in it for me or how I can continue to secure my independence, but it really affects my relationships with others. My impatience has wounded me, and it's something that God is working with me to heal.

Often I've made the 'small stuff' the most painful and least joy-yielding, and have lost sight of the bigger picture of the 'big stuff' that God is doing -- in the lives of those around me, and in my own heart, too.

You know, I really want to be daily reconciled to Him, and I know it's going to take a serious push past self-sufficiency and worry -- into abundant life with Him that urges me to really seek out all of His promises. And in my own life now, to really be able to pray and trust God to be restoring me to Himself and to others around me.

It's been cool to see Him work already in that, and to begin to experience that peace that Christ gives again. It's been pretty powerful, even in the last few days.

Jesus is alive and real -- powerful and active -- and His Spirit is interceeding in big ways that push us toward Him and away from ourselves.

Praise God for that, because my own attempts to 'piece the puzzle together' fail each and every time.

Wow, guys -- let's trust Him for everything.

Jessie

[ reconciled ]

2006-12-06T04:04:00.000-05:00

It's late -- been praying a lot. Thinking a lot. Thought I'd write a quick blog.

A few things I'm learning:

It's a beautiful thing to sit with a friend -- or even someone you don't know -- and just listen; to let them talk and share life with you. A few times this week I've been able to catch up with some people -- and shed a few tears with them too -- and just know that God is working in their hearts and is anxious to reconcile them to Himself. I really want to trust Him for this.

I'm growing into the young woman God has created me to be. The reality of Him pursuing me and fighting for my heart seems very authentic and tangible to me right now.

We have an enemy who wants to grab anything that's true and lasting and restoring from under our feet and implant just-skewed-enough lies in our lives. We must -- we must -- claim Jesus' victory on the Cross. This world is more of a battlefield than we'll ever know, with hearts and lives at stake. This is real stuff.

There are others around us right now who are fading quickly, drowning in brokenness and the flesh. Jesus has come to give abundant life and to restore them. We must share His life, death and resurrection with them.

God is teaching me to keep giving -- keep sharing love, only through His grace and the power of the Holy Spirit.

We are so small but so vital. I've been thinking a lot lately about this paradox and would love to talk about it sometime.

Speaking of which, does anyone identify with any paradoxes or metaphors of God? More on this later, probably. My boyfriend Joe has been asking students on our campus how they relate to God (specifically, metaphor stuff -- i.e., "I am a blank canvas, and God is the artist."). I really like that approach.

Those around us are learning so much too -- let's take time to really listen and interact with them. It's been amazing to me how willingly and quickly others will share deep, spiritual things.

Keep chasing hard after Him.

Jessie

[ you are golden ]

2006-11-29T01:29:00.000-05:00

"Lead them to the ocean."

[ as the years roll by... ]

2006-11-28T00:57:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been praying and thinking a lot about what it means for God to restore joy in our lives -- not just fleeting moments of happiness, but authentic joy in Him, as we leave behind our fears and begin to approach Him with newfound confidence, knowing He has the very best and firmest grip on each and every sphere of our lives. What, really, does this mean?

A few words I've been thinking about lately in relation to God's restoration of joy in our lives: alive and complete.

Think about the last time you were in the presence of someone who really allowed others to come alive in their presence -- who pushed new and old friends to share their passions and questions and doubts without the risk of rejection, but with clear assurance of complete acceptance. Our friend Sharon, who graduated a few years ago from Muskingum, is one of these people. She pours out His energy and passion to everyone; it's beautiful.

When we take time to really listen and respond to those around us, we're able to care for them and invite them to experience the life God has intended for them. This past semester or so, God's been accomplishing some big-time repair work in my heart, challenging me to listen before speaking and to ask questions. It's not often enough that we stop talking, block out the noise around us, look one another in the eye and really listen.

Jesus' presence and the Spirit's active intercession will be the only driving factor to make anything like this happen.

Complete. We read the fourth chapter of 1 John tonight at Life Group. The four of us were struck (again and again) by this:

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. (1 John 4:11-12)

We shared for awhile about the challenges we face in understanding this on a daily basis. (Young women and new friends sharing their hearts is a big, important thing -- whoa.)

Anyway, I talked for a bit about how those few words -- made complete -- always seem to lift up off the pages as if I had 3-D glasses on or something like that. There's activity there; there's a necessary beginning to the continual transformation that God has in mind for our lives -- His business of His glory -- His process of molding us to be more and more like Jesus. Paul's words in Colossians 3:10 about our new selves being renewed in knowledge in the image of [our] Creator are especially poignant.

You know, I can eliminate all the noise and set up my schedule to spend time with others; I can learn to listen to others and ask good questions, but without full-fledged, uninhibited surrender to Him and the reality of needing to wholly depend on Him, I am nothing.

Any source of authentic, complete life is not rooted in or dependent upon this flesh. For that, I am grateful.

May you be fully restored by God, continually awakened to His beauty and activity all around you.

Love you all.

Jessie

[ the battle of the...holidays? ]

2006-11-25T00:43:00.000-05:00

I don't make bold statements everyday, but today I made one. (Really, it wasn't too bold.)

I mean, this statement doesn't have a huge impact on multiple spheres of life or anything, but when I said it, I meant it.

"Say it like you mean it." Well, okay.

Sara (best friend from home who is a junior at Notre Dame; loves ND football) and I were shopping at Target tonight. Today, of course, was the day after Thanksgiving (which, maybe, should start being capitalized, and marked on calendars -- The Day After Thanksgiving; another official holiday!). The store wasn't too busy, but the music was a-playin' and the decor was a-hangin' -- and man, customers' carts were full -- to-the-brim -- with stuff. Lots and lots and lots of stuff.

"Thanksgiving is about ten times better than Christmas."

"Um...yeah. It's kind of overshadowed by all of...this."

Here's the thing: Christmas is a beautiful holiday: of humble beginnings and big praises, of God's glory revealed through His Son -- of giving and family and love. Good stuff, really.

I just am at a point -- maybe just today, I don't know -- where this good stuff being replaced with all this other stuff is just getting old. Used-up. Tired out.

To be honest, I was one of those people today. A lot of us were. I shopped for four hours total, probably, and it was enjoyable -- Sara and I really, really had fun.

But beyond that...there's just something more to this Day After Thanksgiving stuff. Today a mother and her daughter were checking out arms-full of jewelry and coats and kids' clothes, and the cashier at JCPenney gave them their total. They looked at each other, and the mother confidently presented their 15%-off coupon to her.

The cashier, looking pretty wiped-out (probably from a 4 a.m. wake-up call), handed the coupon back to the mother, saying, "I'm sorry. This doesn't apply until after 4 p.m. today." (It was 3 p.m. or so.)

The mother and her daughter looked at each other again, shaking their heads with this sort of anxious disbelief. One of them -- I forget who -- said, "This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

You know, I've heard people say that kind of thing before -- we all have. I heard it a hundred times this summer while I was serving. And you know, it hurts -- it hurts because there seems to be this instant loss of any type of perspective, or of mutual respect -- or of even treating another with any type of dignity. It hurts because really, words are powerful, and cheap jewelry and additions to already-jammed closets are unworthy of any of that.

There was a part of me that wanted to turn to the women and call them out, but I didn't. Instead, it makes good thinking and blogging material.

But really...what kind of impact is stuff having upon our lives? Is it adding to the noise that's already invading our days?

I like stuff, but I want to be committed to greater things, like learning to really love people and serve God. In my life, stuff is getting in the way of the good stuff that really matters.

I can't even remember what I received two Christmases ago, or even most of the gifts from last Christmas. I don't have a super-detailed memory, but I think this is pretty common -- and definitely telling.

I want to start making simplicity a reality -- because it can be. It just seems like it makes the most sense, especially as we're seeking out a radically-different God -- who, through His Spirit, begins to mold and change, well...about everything in our lives. Including our spending habits during the holidays.

Here's a few causes to think about giving to during the holidays. Consider telling your loved ones that you'd like them to give to one of these organizations -- or another local charity of your choice -- instead of the usual piles of gifts for Christmas.

These are a few familiar ones for me. The Salvation Army's "Angel Tree" program is also popular; look for those at chain and discount stores. Think about local food pantries, banks and soup kitchens; consider giving to foreign missions. We are so blessed. Let's share.

World Vision

Samaritan's Purse

Habitat for Humanity

The Heifer Project

Love you all.

Jessie

[ do you know what i mean when i say i don't wanna be alone? ]

2006-11-22T00:30:00.000-05:00

One of my best friends encouraged me the other night to think of sharing life as leading someone to something beautiful that cannot always be grasped with the perfect combination of words or descriptions.

My mom at the beach in Huron; July 2006

It really hit me, because often I'll process ideas and thoughts and want them to 'look good' as a product of what I say or how I present it as a whole.

It's just not about me, or about my words or actions, but about Him -- and about providing truth and clarity to those around me -- and us; about giving them an opportunity to be presented with beauty -- namely, Jesus Christ -- and to allow them time and space to respond.

As we're satisfied in God, desiring Him in every moment, we'll see others drawn to Him. It's often unbelievable. His glory trumps all.

Let's pray boldly about living Kingdom-centered lives that honor Him; living out communal faith propelled by our own giving-up daily. We'll fall in awe and wonder at what He fills in our depraved state -- wholeness, fullness, abundance...His Spirit.

Everything -- a loss, compared to knowing Christ Jesus our Lord.

All things -- rubbish.

Anything genuine and lasting and true: in Him.

Love you all.

Jessie

[ random thoughts ]

2006-10-27T02:22:00.000-04:00

This week, I've been especially thankful for a few things:

Clarity.
Rest.
God showing up.
Restoration of joy amidst the ordinary.

It's been really great to experience the constancy and trustworthiness of God's provision this week.

More later. It's late.

Love you all.

Jessie

[ my chains are gone, i've been set free ]

2006-10-15T21:03:00.000-04:00

John Piper has written this important book entitled Don't Waste Your Life, published a few years ago by Crossway Books.

Sharon and Susan talked a lot about John Piper when we were freshmen at Muskingum. In fact, a few books of his had been pretty monumental in Sharon's life, especially when she studied abroad in Argentina.

I am beginning to see why Sharon and Susan respect Piper's books.

Piper's passion for seeing hearts turned toward whole-life display and worship of God in all His glory is really cool. Check this out:

An American Tragedy: How Not to Finish Your One Life

I will tell you what a tragedy is. I will show you how to waste your life. Consider a story from the February 1998 edition of Reader's Digest, which tells about a couple who "took early retirement from their jobs in the Northeast five years ago when he was 59 and she was 51. Now they live in Punta Gorda, Florida, where they cruise on their 30 foot trawler, play softball and collect shells." At first, when I read it I thought it might be a joke. A spoof on the American Dream. But it wasn't. Tragically, this was the dream: Come to the end of your life -- your one and only precious, God-given life -- and let the last great work of your life, before you give an account to your creator, be this: playing softball and collecting shells. Picture them before Christ at the great day of judgment: "Look, Lord. See my shells." That is a tragedy. And people today are spending billions of dollars to persuade you to embrace that tragic dream. Over against that, I put my protest: Don't buy it. Don't waste your life. (pp. 45-6)

Piper has a knack for honesty, to be sure.

Does that make you feel uneasy at all? I'm only 20, but it makes my stomach turn a bit.

Joe has written a song about chasing after God rather than this ideal 'American Dream,' whatever that may look like, and lately, a few of us at school have been talking and thinking seriously about what it means to live radically for Christ in our lifetime.

All of it may seem idealistic now, being in our early 20's with no bills or kids to take care of or careers on our plates, but I'm beginning to realize more and more that maybe that doesn't matter; that perhaps our lack of experience in the 'real world' is actually a beautiful thing, and that young age doesn't always equal ignorance.

I get this feeling sometimes that I have a lot of stuff -- material and otherwise -- to share, and if it's all God's anyway, my life, especially after college, has to -- just has to -- look different. Really different.

You know, the Cross-centered, Christ-exalting life may be a lot tougher and painful than we have been brought up to believe, if indeed we were nailed to the Cross with our Savior and are commissioned now to be ambassadors for Jesus.

But yet...God has redeemed us for His ultimate glory, and we can boast in the Cross as the "blazing center of the glory of God."

By Your wounds we are healed
By Your wounds we are saved
Mighty is the power of the Cross

The Cross changes everything.

It transforms my skewed perception of my desires and needs; it crashes the tower I've constructed for myself; it points me directly toward God, who in His glory has rescued us from our foggy visibility -- straight into reality-sight, found only in the real, living God.

Let's give Him our all.

[ fall break ]

2006-10-13T14:04:00.000-04:00

8-ish hours 'til home -- woohoo! :)

It's been 2 months or so.

I'm going to write a bunch this weekend, I think. I've had some ideas for creative nonfiction over the past week or so. I'm looking forward to getting that onto paper (well, a Word document, or maybe this blog).

Seeing my parents, John and Josh, Sara, Mere and a few others will be really great too.

Keep serving Jesus.

Jessie

[ raise your voices to Jesus Christ ]

2006-10-09T02:44:00.000-04:00

God rescues us from self and launches us into His big plans for this world.

I'm just really in awe at His protection and provision tonight.

More later, probably once I'm at home for Fall Break.

[ not our will but Yours be done ]

2006-10-06T00:31:00.000-04:00

I decided to stay in after Primetime tonight, which has turned out to be a really good thing. I'd like to think that I'm 'on it,' if you will, when I'm with a group of people -- it's just the way I tick, I guess. Tonight, though, it's been refreshing to have some time alone, handing over the 'me' tendencies to God once again and being reconciled to Him.

Lately I've been wanting more and more to step forth in self-forgetfulness. It's hard. If I fail to take up the power of the Spirit, every part of me cries out from the flesh:

Be affirmed.
Do 'okay.'
Press on.
Bring yourself together.

It's more recognizable to me now, I think, because God has been putting my heart at rest about things: relationships, ministry, school, His plans beyond this place. It's evident because lately there's been more of an immersion in life with relationships as the context -- with Joe, but also in this hall, in Life Group, growing friendships. You get the idea.

I think these hard things are more apparent when missional community is being developed because we begin to have a glimpse through God's eyes -- His eyes and big-time desire for redemption and people being pulled toward His glory. And when we are basking in self, His nature alone will crumble all of our construction efforts: the crew we've assembled, the blueprints we've drawn, the plans we've rationalized for ourselves.

I want this self-forgetfulness thing because there's students here who need a lot less of me and so much more of Him. The relational gospel of Jesus pushes past my 'me' crap because of its power, but it'd be helpful if I could allow people to experience Him by getting the heck out of the way.

I read an archived article on Boundless this afternoon when I was working desk, and it had this beautiful last paragraph or so. This is good:

Friendships that are marked by the gospel of the kingdom, formed out of fidelity to a biblically-informed worldview, are ones in which care more to be serve than to be served.

That is actually from an article on dating, but it seems to speak pretty loudly for self-forgetfulness and gospel-centeredness. The two go hand-in-hand, I think: as we move beyond self by living outwardly, we open ourselves to the Spirit's leading in our life.

God yearns for those around us to know Him, to experience freedom in Him, to see His working in this world. The most unselfish thing we can do is to allow them to experience the joy that comes from pursuing the heart of our Creator. (John Piper stuff. He's the real deal.)

So, yeah. I have a lot of praying to do about this. God provides in big ways, though, interceeding for us through His Spirit and urging us to press on toward His glory.

Jessie

Oh...this morning I was watching Rod Parsley on TV. (About this time last year I wrote a commentary about tattoos and him, blah, blah, blah. It was kind of a crappy commentary, to be honest, but whatever.) Anyway, my heart softened a bit today. There was a young woman on his show talking about mission work in Sudan. Whoa. Praying for the nations is big. I can't even begin to fathom God's heart for these people.

I hope God will take me overseas short-term or long-term sometime in my lifetime. I mean, why not?

[ we've only just begun... ]

2006-08-28T00:03:00.000-04:00

Okay, so disregard the lyrics from the famous Carpenters love ballad -- you know, the one that is played at 90% of weddings. But maybe not, since we've really just begun.

***

Move-in weekend is finished, which is a relief. Any transition to less paperwork and more interaction is refreshing; truly.

Tonight I talked to my friend and fellow RA Holly Soper, a really beautiful, wise, funny friend who loves people hard. (She uses that phrase to describe other people, but really, it embodies her character, too.)

Anyway, I think we're both overwhelmed with this big sense that God has really been preparing us to be here, in this place, with these young women -- sharing His love and working toward an others-centered lifestyle through Him.

It's been cool, even in the past few days, to welcome residents into this community -- and not just because it's Muskingum and we love it, but because God is here and is anxious to 'love people hard' -- this kind of indescribable, redemptive, engaged compassion.

Joe and I were talking about the need for our community here to rely on God for purposeful day-to-day living that points to Him in every way. He describes it like this: "We should pray like this: at the end of the year, we'll say, Look at all the things God did this year."

So true.

You know, to really move out of the way (escape from self!) and allow God to move in such a way that people meet Jesus -- right there, right here.

***

It's just good to be around all of these students all the time. Rocky times are inevitable, but what Holly was saying is so true -- that it just feels that God has equipped us for this place; that He has dealt with us and pushed us to grow up a bit; that He is going to reveal Himself and show up in every circumstance.

***

He's plucked us out of the dirt . . .

into this breathtaking brilliance only He can offer.

Love lead [us] on.

[ kelley hall ]

2006-08-25T19:51:00.000-04:00

It's refreshing to be in the midst of all this excitement and change. Students are all around. All around there are opportunities to love and serve others with the love of Jesus. Truly.

Pray for this place and for these students.

This place that is white for harvest (John 4:35 -- amazing).

A reaching-down God -- for these people.

Pray that God would provide us with an outward focus. Pray that He would meet people through community here. Pray that we would give every moment to Him.

[ a.m. ]

2006-08-16T17:55:00.000-04:00

a.m.

Amidst sun
and wheat toast,
I break yolks
of eggs over-medium,
recalling
men of His own
parting seas;
walking water.

Basking in mid-morning
August heat,
I fill silence
with nonsense;
He assures,
calms this mind
laden with thoughts
in bulk.

There is no grasping
the simplicity of
this place
where I am His
and He is mine;
this moment when
He names me child
and fills tired flesh
with life again.

[ i want to spend it with You ]

2006-08-13T01:11:00.000-04:00

Pre-blog note: I haven't written in awhile. You'll be able to tell. This entry is way too long. Upcoming entries will be shorter, I promise. Okay, that's all... :)

Early mornings and long shifts filled with biscuits & gravy (hold the grits), tourists (the park is about ten minutes away with traffic) and this beautiful array of coworkers ended this past Wednesday.

My last two tables: my family & the neighbors who live across the street. Kind of endearing.

The more I think about this summer in a 'bigger picture' sense (or the tiniest piece I see now, anyway), the more I am grateful for the opportunity to serve tables. Each shift brought this amazing assortion of emotion and experience:

Why is Julie wiping tears from her eyes and leaving work? (Her husband went off on her this morning. And it's her birthday.)

These college kids just left me $20. (Instant emotion-driven high.)

Tickets are taking a half-hour today. (Guests are frustrated.)

I really am excited to be serving people today. (Encouraging.)

I am putting on face today. I should just go home. (Snap out of it.)

It's just before 10 pm (closing time) and a party of 8 just arrived. (We're all ready to go home. Melissa exclaims, "It's that damn church group again! They come in all revived, run me and leave me 3 bucks. This sucks.")

***

The evening prior to Melissa's frustration, I read a bit of Barbara Ehrenreich's Nickel and Dimed, a really brilliant look at America's working poor. Ehrenreich spends months on end working, living off various low-wage jobs and collecting life experience for her undercover reportage.

I came across this:

"The worst [guests], for some reasons, are the Visible Christians -- like the ten-person table, all jolly and sanctified after Sunday night service, who run me mercilessly and then leave me $1 on a $92 bill. Or the guy with the crucifixion T-shirt (SOMEONE TO LOOK UP TO) who complains that his baked potato is too hard and his iced tea too icy (I cheerfully fix both) and leaves no tip at all. As a general rule, people wearing crosses or WWJD? buttons look at us disapprovingly no matter what we do, as if they were confusing waitressing with Mary Magdalene's original profession."

Ouch.

It hurts, really, to know that Melissa's interactions with spirituality have been tainted by just a few who have been unwilling to embrace and accept her as their Father does. It hurts, you know, to hear her associate Jesus with that kind of thing. It sucks, honestly.

This summer I had the opportunity to serve a ton of really great guests -- families who treated me so well, older couples who complimented my hard work, even a few who called my manager over to tell him "he'd better keep this one," or something like that. (A little awkward sometimes.)

I waited on an older couple who came in for a late lunch one afternoon, and though I'm not the biggest fan of Jesus T-shirts, I was looking forward to serving this couple -- the husband was wearing a "You Don't Deserve This...But He Did It Anyway" T-shirt. I sighed, probably, because I just do that sometimes, but I was kind of pumped. Throughout the summer, I had served a few Christian couples and families who were just great.

(Sidenote: I've had plenty of Jesus T-shirts. I think the funniest was probably the got jesus? one I ordered off a random Web site freshman year of high school -- reminiscent of the popular got milk? ads, you know...)

I walked up to the couple, made eye contact (key), introduced myself and began to script the day's lunch features.

"Hi! Welcome to Cracker Barrel. My name is Jessica and I'll be taking care of you today. This afternoon we are featuring..."

"Coke."

"Water."

"We just want to order now."

Ouch.

I took their order, gathered their menus and quickly entered the two meals into our computer system. I filled their drinks, took a deep breath, grabbed a few straws and took the glasses out to their table. (#244.)

They just sort of looked at me. I thought I had done something wrong, to be honest.

You know, I wanted so badly for this couple to acknowledge me, to respect me, to understand that I genuinely wanted to provide a service to them, and for them to be pleased with the company, their food and their server.

Even more, I wanted to say to the man something like, "I like your shirt," but that would have been dishonest. I didn't.

I just wanted them to know I loved Jesus too.

***

Here's the thing: I do what I hate.

Once in awhile, even after a great conversation or time with God, I'll snap at John or Josh for something stupid.

Bouts of passivity or this constant battle for image-output lands me back on my knees (the place I surely started from...).

***

As I read through the Gospels, I can't help but to notice how highly Jesus placed the value of human life and dignity:

Defilement? Touch the leper anyway.

Poor? Hungry? Caught in promiscuity? Love and provide for the unloveable anyway.

Hurt and betrayed? Go to the cross anyway.

Defeated by death? Be raised for a fallen humanity.

***

You know, followers of Jesus let each other down. We're still here, in this place, amongst sin and dirt. He's begun a good work, but we're not yet complete.

The life-example Jesus sets forth for dignity, justice and truth continues to sort of leap right off the pages of the Gospels.

There's this feeling inside of me lately that God is calling me -- calling us -- to something more radical than we can even imagine. I get this sort of gut-wrenching conviction that the way I love, interact and treat others can directly impact their own interactions with God. That if I'm really made in the image of God and called to make disciples of all nations, God is pushing me toward the trenches, and really, to be present wherever I am.

It's exciting and scary and beautiful to think that we are servants and leaders of this great cause -- that there are people all around us just barely breathing, and we're called to live and interact in such a way that they will be able to see and approach their Rescuer.

I love that.

***

Throughout my life, I want to be able to protect others' dignity and right to life. It's something that is sort of engrained in the way I think, I've learned.

The thing is, I suck at it on my own.

He must...must...must interceed.

If the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead does live and reign in us, the beliefs and ideas that hold value in our lives -- the ones that Jesus lived, died and was raised for -- really can become reality.

We can love others with the hope of them coming to know the crucified, risen Lord.

We can do good works -- love people, fight for justice, protect human life, take part in a full passion for the gospel of Jesus -- even when surrounded by death and destruction, because we've been created in the image of God, and He's prepared it all anyway.

Love you guys.

-Jessie

[ the ocean is growing ]

2006-07-26T17:14:00.000-04:00

It's been too long.

Almost two weeks! Whoa.

Big things have been happening lately. God has been softening my heart toward His power in my life, and has very tangibly answered prayer.

Something that's been pretty exciting: the beginning of a relationship with my friend Joe, who is in Chicago for the summer with Campus Crusade for Christ. I've always respected and appreciated him, so it's been a real blessing (to say the least) to experience the Lord's timing in our friendship. I'm really looking forward to serving in ministry with Joe at Muskingum & am grateful for his bold trust and faith in God's plan for our campus. Check out his blog sometime.

***

Late last night I was spending a few hours reading and in prayer and was struck by the reality of God's taking me in "as-is."

There's a lot of aspects of God's character that resonate pretty strongly in my mind but haven't quite become fully integrated with my relationship with Him; ways in which He desires to move and work in my life that I don't quite grasp as an 'issues of the heart.'

I sort of broke last night, though. It was hard but also pretty refreshing, because I need to realize this more often that I do -- that I am truly accepted and called by God completely as I am, right where I am.

There's power in God meeting me where I am because it frees me from spinning in circles trying to figure out how everything fits together. Instead, He reaches out to me and almost audibly says, "Jessie, just trust Me."

It's funny, really, because it seems like fairly often I talk or think about God in this or that way but haven't taken ahold of His promises as they relate to and impact my walk with Him -- in an intensely relational way.

God's dealing with me with such compassion and revealing His strength in my weakness, even if I don't like to admit that I don't have it all together.

And that is the okay thing, because each day His mercy is new and He has placed forth some pretty big reconcilation with this world through His Son -- reconciliation that really should have a substantial impact on my life.

He's pouring out grace and pursuing us as we are, which just makes me want to throw my life into His will.

It's hard, you know, but so worth it.

We serve such a big God.

-Jessie

[ that i may know Him ]

2006-07-15T09:23:00.000-04:00

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. -Phil. 3:8-11

reject the flesh

count everything as loss - suffered the loss of all things
count them as rubbish

***

confidence in a living relationship

because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus
a righteousness that depends on faith
...that I may know him and the power of his resurrection

***

Movement.

I love Philippians 3 because there is this astounding here to there progression. It's this sort of beautiful climactic point that Paul seems to say, "Do you get it?! This is life!"

Paul surrenders everything, and even further, counts his loss rubbish (strong wording!) for the sake of knowing Jesus Christ and sharing in the power of His resurrection through faith.

A big-time change-up in his place of trust seems to occur: from the flesh (pleasing God through energies of the flesh) -- to sheer, utter confidence in a living relationship with Jesus Christ.

I'm not sure if I completely understand this passage, but there's something that is pretty striking: Paul regards all things as loss not just because all works of the flesh were devastatingly harmful or worthless to his life, but because compared to knowing Christ (his plea, really: that I may know Him), those things are no longer in sight -- no longer to be charted anywhere near the greatness of knowing Jesus Christ -- no longer providing the pressing-on-toward-life motion that Paul so desires -- longs for, really -- from God in Jesus.

***

From self to Jesus. There's power in that.

The death and resurrection of Jesus -- revealed to us even now.

Fellowship with God -- now; that [we] may know Him.

***

God's range of power stretches beyond my misconceptions and hesitation, into this beautiful place of surrender that I haven't even accomplished on my own -- a place where God works regardless of our weaknesses. Regardless of our failures because they're measured by our human limitations, anyway, and God's reaching power digs deeper and is vaster and more immense than any attempt to please Him in our own power.

Joe described it to Evan once as God's will (and His power, really) leaving us kicking and screaming. Not kicking and screaming that always leaves us wounded or distraught, but that is our only feasible response to God's big power in our lives.

A power that moves and transforms -- heals and provides.

A power that has nothing to do with us and everything to do with Him.

Take care!

-Jessie

[ i want more than just okay ]

2006-07-12T20:47:00.000-04:00

Some random, not really connected thoughts.

***

"The task of engaging the culture with the Christian gospel and so working to transform the world always includes three elements. First, we must speak truthfully about Jesus of Nazareth, and explain how it is what we discover who God is by looking at him. Second, we must do so in full engagement with the world of our own day, understanding its ebbs and flows, its fashions and follies, the places where it has got things gloriously right and the places where it has got things gloriously wrong. Third, we must be prepared to refute — that is, to give a reasoned rebuttal of, not simply to say we disagree with — popular misconceptions which leave people with muddled and misguided ideas about Jesus and the nature of Christian faith." -N.T. Wright

***

I was talking to Jerry (our college minister) on the phone this afternoon, and he asked about Austin and the conference, and I said something like, "Jerry, those students are the best and the brightest; they're really going to change things."

I really came to appreciate the students at the conference -- their commitment to discernment and vocation, their understanding of their respective tradition and deep, real faith.

***

Wright's understanding of an articulated faith is very cool. He was speaking last summer at Seattle Pacific University, elaborating on The Da Vinci Code.

I think his statements, in and out of context of the mania of The Da Vinci Code, are pretty sound. What do you think?

***

Our culture wants to be engaged, and is looking for truth. We want more than lollipop, one-size-fits-all faith. We want to be stretched. To be urged to really think about who Jesus is claiming to be and how God is moving in this world.

To break down barriers -- social, economic, racial, circumstantial -- all barriers -- for the One who broke all standards, stepping into skin to live, die and be raised for us.

Truths. Understanding. Articulation. Not only to be 'in the world and not of it,' but to really grasp that Jesus was calling for radical faith in the midst of the here-and-now, and appeals for that today. Even in the United States, despite our tendency toward the 'gloriously wrong.'

It's powerful to me that God works despite that and amongst that, because really, everything doesn't boil down to us and our 'societal failures' or American individualism.

It's about God, and His power to redeem our gloriously wrong tendencies. The power that raised Jesus from the dead; the power that lives in each heart following Him today. The live-giving power that transcends and breaks through culture and engages people where they are.

-Jessie

SPU has Wright's full response online, which is worth a read, even if you're sick of Da Vinci Code stuff (I sort of am). Very, very cool.

[ grace like rain falls down ]

2006-07-12T01:40:00.000-04:00

My friend Angela is on Summer Project with Campus Crusade for Christ in Orlando, FL this summer, and is simply being transformed. It's encouraging and exciting. I've loved talking to her because she is digging deep during her time there, desiring to build into others, spend significant amounts of time in prayer, deal with conflict in order to achieve unity and allow God to work through her in mighty ways.

Angie and I talked on the phone for a half-hour or so this evening, and talked a lot about identity in Christ and the freedom that brings to our relationship with God and with others. I've often thought of my identity in Christ as a sort of peace of mind, knowing 'where I stand' and so on, but I think there's something bigger here.

Paul writes to the believers at Colosse:

For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. (Col. 2:9-10)

...and later writes:

For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. (Col. 3:3-4)

***

If we have been given the fullness -- the absolute, uninhibited, utter reality -- of God in Christ and are united with Him in His death and resurrection, then our union with God brings much more than just recognition and acceptance, I think.

It brings freedom!

It brings freedom.

It really, really brings us freedom.

It frees us to put to death our earthly desires (3:5), the nature that had bound us to darkness and destruction -- into God-understanding, and into awareness of our renewed status in Christ.

***

Amends made, a revolution begins.

We surrender, He gives us whole-life.

His grace alone falls down on our lives, providing the only authentic sense of self we can have: ourselves -- myself; hidden in Him.

This kind of freedom should make me want to dance or something like that, because I haven't earned this kind of identity -- an identity that endures, that urges me forward. An identity that is deeply rooted, but not by my own planting.

Seeds have been scattered by the Maker, and I must look to Him for life-light and water.

***

I can't wait to see Angie again in person in mid-August.

There's something very beautiful about seeing someone you haven't seen in awhile, and knowing they've been seeking out Christ and are rejoicing in the Lord's provision and moving in their life.

She is one of those people.

I'm excited for what God is teaching her, and how He'll use her on campus this year -- in ministry, media, her sorority, athletics, friendships and more. As she continues to dig deep, stand firm and cling to Jesus, barriers will continue to be broken down, and men and women will be drawn into the love of God.

***

This world depends on our clinging -- our throwing-over -- our complete release -- to God through Christ. We yearn for that.

It's exciting and kind of scary, but God will guide us through; His timing is perfect, and His provision is a reality.

There's freedom in clinging.

Keep praying.

-Jessie

[ who do you say that I am? ]

2006-07-10T10:52:00.000-04:00

Everything in Christ astonishes me. His spirit overawes me, and his will confounds me. Between him and whoever else in the world, there is no possible term of comparison. He is truly a being by himself...I search in vain in history to find the similar to Jesus Christ, or anything which can approach the gospel. Neither history, nor humanity, nor the ages, nor nature, offer me anything with which I am able to compare it or to explain it. Here everything is extraordinary. -Napoleon

[ let it go ]

2006-07-08T20:40:00.000-04:00

We serve a relational, living, powerful, compassionate God.

We serve a God who knows and cares about our thoughts, desires and worries because we are called and empowered as His children.

We serve a God who really answers prayers.

We serve a God who has humbled himself in the form of flesh and been raised up in glory; His Son who has said to us, "Follow Me."

Our God is not dead, but thrives. His Spirit is evident in surrendered hearts -- in real transformation -- in the Church and community and in God's reconciliation to this world. Not just reconciliation in the form of a suitable patch-up, but a real, vital, permanent solution. Salvation, here. Our Creator-God bridges the gap in a big, necessary way.

***
We doubt the Word that tells us:
Ask and ye shall have your prayer:
We turn our thoughts as to a task,
With will constrained and rare.

And yet we have; these scanty prayers
Yield gold without alloy:
Oh God, but He that trusts and dares
Must have a boundless joy!

George MacDonald

***

God is good, and not because we serve a God whose solution was to make us feel good (I too often rely on that), but because He is dealing with Creation with more grace than we can handle, really. And He sends us out with joy and peace:

For you shall go out with joy
and be led forth with peace:
the mountains and the hills will
break forth before you into singing;
and all the trees of the fields shall clap their hands.

Isaiah 55:12

(There's a really moving response that we sang in Austin that goes along with Isaiah 55. Powerful! I'm going to have to get the music for that and give it to Jerry sometime.)

***

God is at work.

I want to cast my whole life into His; to align my desires and future and relationships with the gospel, and really understand that I am accepted and sent as His own.

You are an accepted, called child of God.

Love you guys!

-Jessie

[ it brings refreshing wherever it goes ]

2006-07-06T22:54:00.000-04:00

I was about halfway through this semi-detailed entry about a seminar I attended in Austin, complete with links and references from the Bible and so on, but it sort of felt like I was making myself sit down and blog, and well, that's not the point of this. So, I think I'll just write about a few things I've been thinking, worrying and praying about lately, and not be concerned so much about trying to make this entry super-substance filled.

- So, I'm giving the message at church this Sunday and have honestly put it on the back burner for awhile now. I'm hoping to finish it up tomorrow night and do some big-time practicing on Saturday. I think the "I feel unequipped" thoughts will pass through quite a few times during my lifetime, especially if I'm slated to speak in front of a group of people about God. Any confidence I have needs to point toward Jesus. He's all I have, really.

- I want to have faith in a big God who answers bold prayers. And to really pray like that. It's hard.

- I want to be alivened; to really desire to know God and invest in people. I'm anxious to be thrown back into community at Muskingum -- to really be held accountable, stretched, taught and even broken. I love that place and those people. I miss them. Soon enough!

- I have a month or so left at work and really desire to be transparent with a few of my coworkers. It's really necessary for me to trust in God for that.

- Even when I'm exhausted or in a comfort zone here at home, God is still desiring to move mountains in my life. It's taking some time for me to realize this.

- I can't have everything all together. It's a test for me, but also kind of refreshing.

-Jessie

[ snapping out of it ]

2006-07-01T21:32:00.000-04:00

I've been in a funk the last few days.

I'm not sure if it's because I've been working a lot or I had a sort of post-Texas letdown, but I've sort of just hit that point of people-overload, which hasn't happened in awhile, but is something that really seems to affect me, especially because I am usually energized and fulfilled by time with those around me.

Days like this remind me that:

-My walk with Christ is not and cannot be solely emotionally-driven
-My relationship and time with God directly impacts my relationships and interactions with others
-I need to pray boldly for God's perspective
-My anxieties and worries are nailed to the Cross, and I share in His crucifixion and the glory of His resurrection

It is scary and powerful to me that God knows my heart and loves me just the same.

I often experience this truth after I take a sort of bird's eye view at myself and realize that my actions, words and thoughts have not wholly pointed toward God. Scary, yes, but powerful, because if God loves me that much, my stress and fears and guilt are no more. And if God has truly stepped into flesh to redeem a people, then I think He is urging me to snap out of it. Not in the put-on-a-happy-face sense (seemingly the easy way out sometimes), but to remove myself from reality for awhile and know that God will quiet and bring rest to my soul:

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the Cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

We can only be transformed by the Cross. Its power is that magnificent.

I need -- yearn for -- that transformation. And not just when I'm in a funk.

-Jessie

[ salt ]

2006-07-01T00:59:00.000-04:00

I haven't read red in awhile.

You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. -Jesus

If communal faith is a reality and God is releasing me from the trappings of individualism, Jesus' words are pushing me forward regardless of my:

Complacency.

Idols.

Pride.

Skewed intentions and perceptions.

If the hard truth is that this world is fallen and decayed, this salt metaphor has more impact on my life than I can grasp at this point in time.

If the richness -- the very essence -- of God's reconciliation is revealed through communities seeking to embody the image of Jesus Christ, then this world can't exist without the Church.

***

It's unfortunate that being radical is almost always associated with terrorists, zealots or diehard political activists, especially in media throughout the United States, because I think this whole salt thing may truly have to impact the way I live my life. The blinders have been stripped away by the blood, but I am still living blandly in a hungry world wanting to savor at least something.

My life can't look the same if I am trusting in the same Jesus that spoke in metaphors so long ago. Metaphors pressing for more than satisfaction in where I am or where I'm going. Words pressing for radical faith.

2006-06-29T01:19:00.000-04:00

There was a really good commentary in Boundless last week about the Taylor University tragedy, if you've had a chance to read about or follow that story. The enduring faith of these two families is very much out of this world's understanding.

Check it out.

***

Work was encouraging tonight.

There is no reason to be ungrateful for where God has me this summer. Experiencing the power and provision of God often (and immediately) flattens pride.

Pride. I feel like it's one of the biggest (if not the #1) struggles in my journey with Jesus. And the thing is (I think I've blogged about this before), I really have nothing to be proud of on my own, because most of the 'tangible' things I hold value in or look to for encouragement aren't Kingdom-centered.

God is still dealing with me.

Thank goodness.

***

I'll blog tomorrow at some point. Sara and I are hanging out and hopefully I can just spend some good time with God and family. I'm looking forward to that.

Take care.

-Jessie

[ how bizarre, how bizarre ]

2006-06-27T23:53:00.000-04:00

Beth and I were talking late tonight & were reminiscing about that cheesy 90's song, How Bizarre. Have you all seen the music video? It's pretty ridiculous.

Today I was thinking about last summer at Tusculum -- the Student Affairs staff, baseball games, incoming freshmen, Orientation, RA Training, the South, sweet tea.

What random places God has us in sometimes.

So anyway, that sort of led into thinking about how crazy and beautiful it is that in two months or so, a brigade of freshmen and their families will be at Muskingum moving in. And moving into the first floor of Kelley! Woah.

In Texas I had the opportunity to talk to a few other undergrads who serve as RAs at their respective schools, which was really helpful. They talked about some of the programming they've done and also went deeper into struggles they've had in regards to floor violations, having to manage dozens of students, etc. There was one thing, though, that was consistent: the way that their faces lit up when someone would ask about their position as an RA.

I saw that in RAs last summer too -- in Emily and Amy, in Angel and John. Even in the summer, they would stay up late to work on bulletin boards and door decorations until 1 or 2 am. Especially Emily. She really, really cared about her floor.

You know, I think I have a basic desire to be deemed a 'cool RA' -- you know, good programming and personality -- not too strict -- school spirit. Not so much fulfilling a How to Be a Cool RA checklist, but being more natural and authentic or something. Oh, man.

Okay, so in the big scheme of things, I'm not cool enough, obviously, and college students see right through checklists and our attempts to be too relevant.

These girls who will be moving into Kelley 1 in a few months are going to be on the lookout for someone to trust in, and I want to be that person. But here's the thing, though: I can't be that person if I'm not daily giving my life over to God -- my friendships, my time, my work, even my sleep.

I want to serve these girls. Love them. Care for them when they're puking, even. I can't run full-force into that without first understanding that God has gone before me and I'm just a vessel. But you know, maybe I shouldn't say "just a vessel," because God's in the business of changing hearts and wants to empower us for that work. Either way, no time or energy or cool idea will be productive without really surrendering my whole life to God.

It's going to be hard, I think. Sometimes I do a sort of Etch-a-Sketch in my mind to picture what things may look like on Kelley 1 next year, which is kind of funny because I have no idea. I can only trust that God is equipping and preparing us all now to really live out His love for the students we will be living alongside for 9 months.

It's going to be a lot of fun to see that love permeate Kelley Hall soon. And really, every corner of campus.

-Jessie

[ sing along if you believe in freedom! ]

2006-06-27T01:39:00.000-04:00

A few early-morning thoughts. Not really connected in any special way. :)

The final evening in Austin our group had a talent show, and a few guys from Oberlin College (in Northeast Ohio) performed a sort of talking/singing/dancing/piano and mandolin-playing piece about a sort of "despair-to-hope" experience with the college's dining hall service deemed the "Fourth Meal." David, who is a really cool guy heading off to seminary in Chicago this upcoming fall, told of the students' love for -- but also disappointment in -- the service, especially because they rationed only 3 mozarella sticks per student, and apparently, David wanted more. Oberlin College students are admitted hardcore and committed public protesters, so I guess he and some other students had a sit-in at the cafeteria, singing a chorus that I'm finding myself humming along to at work. Crazy. I may e-mail him to see if they have audio of this song so I can post it on this site. It is just so funny and definitely 'epic' in the sense that it had everyone's arms around each other while we repeated, "Sing along...if you believe in freedom!" I mean, it was about mozzarella sticks! But anyway, that's what the title of this blog entry is all about. Praise God for random, eclectic and talented guys from Oberlin College. Oh yeah, David was eventually allocated 6 mozzarella sticks.

***

Life is a process, and I need to embrace that, I think. I can't begin to understand the intricacies of this world or of people all around me without recognizing that this journey is undoubtedly a process to savor. A process in which to be stretched and grown and challenged. A road that will be bumpy in seeing a world that is not yet completely whole, but also a journey grounded and urged forward by the movement of God in this world.

Like the pastor we met during our emerging church workshop said, spiritual transformation among communities is so, so important. Jim definitely has a passion for that city and for living out communal faith in Austin.

It was good to visit an emerging church in Austin. Surfing their Web site has also been helpful. Their mission statement is really interesting -- I wish Jim had passed out the extended version to our group. But anyway, the emerging church is intriguing to me. Sometime soon I'm hoping to travel to Cleveland to check out another EC. I mean, you really have to wonder if this is how we'll 'do church' in the next century.

One thing that surprised me about the EC is that sacraments are highly regarded and practiced. More about that later, probably.

***

In one sermon this week, the pastor talked about a picture she found recently -- a photo of her father holding out one hand -- one hand firmly providing balance enough for the feet and weight of his two year-old daughter (the woman).

She was surprised, not necessarily because her father could hold her entire body with one hand, but because she had her arms lifted in the air and a huge grin on her face, seemingly proclaiming something like, "Look at Daddy and me, world!"

She made such a cool transition to the freedom we have in Christ -- secure in the the gospel and empowered to confidence in the power and strength of Jesus.

It sort of reminds me of Paul's proclamation in Romans 8, like a lot of things have been lately:

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." (v. 15)

We can have that kind of relationship with God. Wow.

We can have an Abba-cry that yearns for and finds security and freedom in a resurrected Christ.

I'm pretty sure that most one year-olds wouldn't have had that much excitement in the support only one of their parent's hands, but you know, she painted a cool picture of what our freedom and joy in Christ can look like.

-Jessie

[ for it is in giving that we receive ]

2006-06-26T01:13:00.000-04:00

Like my friend Matt, also a blogger and a FTE Fellow, I feel like I could write for hours about the conference we just attended in Austin, Texas.

I haven't been challenged to that extent in a long time -- to really be able to articulate and think about faith in new ways, to dialogue with other Christians in an ecumenical setting and to be stretched -- big-time.

I had the opportunity to journal quite a bit while we were in Austin. Being able to process multiple times each day by journaling was helpful, and really allowed for honesty about how God was moving during that time. Writing by hand is something that I need to do daily, I'm beginning to discover. Blogging is helpful, but there is a certain transparency that comes with not being able to rely on the <-Backspace button.

***

The Holy Spirit was so evident in the community of 150 or so people at the conference, and with that power came beauty. Lots of beauty. I'll share just a few things for now.

Yesterday evening we had a Taizé/Prayers Around the Cross worship service, which was one of the most amazing things I've experienced. Foot-washing, anointing and prayer stations were all available -- all practices that I haven't encountered in awhile. There was a certain near-physical tangibility of God in that chapel. I've been reading about intercessory prayer in Paul's letters and in The Fuel and the Flame, and last night during a time of anointing and prayer at the altar, that truth became very real. Powerful.

Nathan, who went along with our group to Austin City Church on Friday (our emerging church workshop), sat with a few of us undergrads yesterday at lunch. At an earlier session, he had told the group that he is currently serving his congregation as outreach director, describing his congregation as "...the lonely man at the local bar, the mentally disabled woman and the amputee-veteran." There were a few 'missing links' to his story that I was wondering about, so I just sort of asked, "How'd you get from that to this?" He went on to tell one of the most --if not the most-- honest, humble stories of God's redemption (literally a reaching-down-and-moving redemption) I've ever heard. His story seemed like it was out of a Donald Miller book, really. But that's not the point, so I'll just move on to something he said that had our whole table in a sort of silent awe:

"I think of it as a river. We're all building boats, really, and some of ours are bigger than others. My brother has a rather large boat built, actually. And the size of my boat was approaching that, too. We're attempting to head upstream, though, and the waves are crashing into our vessels. Well, the storms came and my boat was completely destroyed. Everything -- gone. Me -- knocked out of the boat I worked so diligently to craft on my own. But I'm learning that our movement upstream isn't what God intended. I'm now moving downstream, just me in the water. I'm still struggling to hang on -- my head is just above the water. But you know what? I'm still breathing. God's moving me."

Yesterday morning we had 3 1/2 hours of silence and time with God. Surprisingly (or not so surprisingly) quite a few things that are deemed as 'counterproductive' tend to bear fruit. It was good. We need to practice this more often.

There's just so much to say about these past five days -- well, not really about 'them,' but about God and community and brokenness and transparency...wow.

You know, I'm just excited about Him and about ministry, and am really desiring genuine whole-life worship.

His grace is beyond every rational or imaginative thought I could ever conjure up on my own -- His working in our tainted world to bring His peace is just so big. (Isn't the English language sort of frustrating sometimes when we see God in a new way? I mean, thank goodness we're not serving an exclusively 'Western God,' because our words aren't adequate. And not just because they're English, but because He's that much beyond the systems, measurements, time and space of this world.)

Yet...He's entered our world in a sort of beautiful "intersection of heaven and earth." We can now dig deep in faith. That is still very new and surreal to me.

Let us persist in seeking the face of Jesus Christ.

More to come.

-Jessie

2006-06-25T14:23:00.001-04:00

Wow. This conference has been really good.

I've written quite a bit while I've been in Texas, just not via the Web, so I'm excited to blog about a few things that have been really stretching and beautiful here.

We are heading off to Austin's airport soon, so I'd better close. May God bless you richly wherever you are!

Take care & look for another entry soon.

-Jessie

[ maybe redemption has stories to tell ]

2006-06-19T11:49:00.002-04:00

- Worship on Sunday went well. The message came together -- God provided words, honesty and energy. There was nothing to be worried about, as usual. It's hard to learn to trust in that.

- Laura (Eric's girlfriend) is here visiting for a few days, which has been nice. She is wonderful! Last night she, Eric and I hung out for awhile and watched Jurassic Park. She's auditioning this afternoon in Pittsburgh and will be heading back this evening.

- On Wednesday I leave for Austin, TX for a conference. A week or so ago they sent us the options for seminars and such. I'm really looking forward to a few of the presentations on emerging church and also being able to meet and talk with other undergrads exploring ministry.

- God is good and at work in this world. Jesus is bigger than any worries or doubt that I have. Truly.

- Romans 8: I want to understand God like that.

Keep seeking Him.

-Jessie

[ long hours ]

2006-06-17T22:02:00.000-04:00

Disregard the previous entry. I pray that the following entry will be more meaningful and will help better illustrate what I've been seeing and thinking about lately.

I think I've mentioned that I've been working pretty long hours. Eight and nine hour shifts are pretty common, and I haven't gotten the 'break' routine down quite yet, so honestly, I've been tired.

I think once you start diving into the 50+ hours/week range, you're at risk for serious burnout or may start to go through the motions -- I mean, really -- work is what you do -- work occupies your time, emotions, thoughts and energy. I've never really experienced this before, but I'm beginning to see that many people in America are living this life day-in and day-out. Once August 18 approaches, for example, they'll still be working for $2.13 + tips. And to be honest, they'll probably be pushing for longer hours -- their children will have set out a school supplies checklist and will want to shop for new school clothes. Every kid does.

***

Someone should have been celebrating today, but was broken.

Someone couldn't find the strength to hold back tears today.

Today, my coworkers were tired. Really tired.

I won't be able to process all of these things this summer, but there's one thing that has occurred to me over and over again: God aches for these people.

He yearns for them to know Him. He wants to relieve their physical, emotional and spiritual exhaustion. He longs for them to know that they are important, vital and urgently needed.

This is the absolute truth: I cannot offer anything to these people but the unconditional love of Jesus Christ. There are no words that will ever be comforting enough. I can't simply say,"I'm really sorry this is happening to you -- that's not how things are supposed to be." I can't apologize enough or offer them support without offering them the Healer and Deliverer.

These people need Jesus.

If we really take the time to look all around us, we can see the reality of our fallen world is just that -- a reality. It reveals itself in ways much deeper and cutting than we can see at surface level. Not just in 'moral behavior' or radio talk show 'sin,' but in loneliness and pain and tears.

We've been separated from our Creator and feel the burden of a world that just doesn't make sense.

I can sympathize and even empathize with my coworkers, but my own ability to 'piece' things together for these people is slim. Okay, none.

I must share Jesus with them. There's nothing else to it, really. I have two more months with them, and nothing else matters. Not how much money I make or my tendency to want to get into a 'comfort zone,' and definitely not my desire for them to 'know' me -- you know, 'who I am' or something like that. (I read recently that pride has no place in a Christian's walk because we have nothing to be proud of on our own. Someone's discipler actually said that to him after he admitted that he was struggling with pride. Definitely convicting and poignant.)

God yearns for our transparency in the trenches because it is then that we understand how real and evident He can be through us.

Not because we can ever say or do the right thing, but because we are able to -- and compelled to -- share the gospel of salvation and grace to the people He cares about, yearns for and loves.

It's a beautiful and urgent message that God has called us to share.

We must. I must.

[ the kingdom and the kitchen ]

2006-06-17T00:42:00.000-04:00

Still thinking and praying about this entry.

Today I was struck by the crazy parallels of working in a restaurant with the Body of Christ. God certainly uses what we 'know' to see His face more clearly.

For now, a few prayer requests. Send me yours. I'd love to lift you up in prayer.

- Unexplainable, Spirit-driven energy: a few long shifts & late nights are imminent in the next few days.

- Sunday's message, service and worship: I'm unequipped, unprepared and untrained in every sense; a whole-life embrace is vital.

- Friendships: God has really provided for some good conversations and interactions in the last week. I need to trust that He has gone before me & offer these friends nothing of my own, but Him alone. Truly.

Take care, friends.

-Jessie

[ to live is Christ ]

2006-06-15T22:01:00.000-04:00

I just got off the phone with my friend Kaylah, who tends to speak truth in my life on a regular basis. She said something like, "Jessie, you need sleep. You'd better not be online when I sign on later tonight." Kay is right, as usual. Four hours of sleep doesn't cut it when you have to work. :)

- Speaking of work, I have been enjoying it a lot lately. The men and women I work with are funny, personable and just beautiful people, and I am really craving more gratefulness, more vision and more time spent in prayer for them. For the first time in awhile, I desire to understand what it means to live and speak a day-in, day-out gospel -- to really be focusing in on how God is pursuing these people's hearts and drawing so near to them. I don't know what these relationships and interactions will look like in the next few months, but things are good, because wow, we serve a big, good God. (You know, it's also been refreshing lately not to have a "countdown" to something bigger. This is new.)

- On Sunday, I'll be giving a message at our church's informal service held at a local marina. I'm really looking forward to this. I'll be leading some worship too, I think, so guitar practice is necessary before then. Since Sunday is Father's Day, I'll be speaking on God as Father -- and God fathering us. (More about this after I've finished writing it.) I'll be speaking a few other times at the marina service and once or twice in front of the entire congregation. I feel the most 'alive' when I am speaking in front of people and am just really excited for these opportunities. Prayers are appreciated. :)

- God is dealing with me and is eager to continually transform my entire life and the lives of those around me. I must cling to Him.

- Philippians and The Fuel and the Flame = wow.

- More complete blog entries later. :)

Take care!

-Jessie

[ beautiful display of power and surrender ]

2006-06-13T00:54:00.000-04:00

One thing that I've been learning lately is that God's plan for my summer, the upcoming school year, my future career and relationships, even, is infinitely beyond my own understanding. I can't begin to rationalize how this, this or that fit together in the 'big picture.' Really, I just need to trust in this: if our sovereign, powerful God is working for the good in a fallen world, then He certainly has a firm grasp on my life.

It is very cool to me that God pursues relationship with us when He could have, perhaps, provided salvation and life in a way that was less painful than stepping into flesh -- something that was a little more sensible for Him, you know? There's no substitute for the substitute, apparently.

The God of the Bible isn't known for quick-fixes that aid brokenness only temporarily. Instead, He really does interact with us in complete power over our suffering and pain. What's more, He rejoices with us in our joy!

Really, we should be running. Not away, but into His arms. Flinging our whole lives into His embrace.

-Jessie

who shall bring any charge against God's elect?
it is God who justifies.
who is to condemn?
Christ Jesus is the one who died -
more than that, who was raised -
who is at the right hand of God,
who indeed is interceeding for us
Romans 8:33-34

[ monday - monday ]

2006-06-12T16:04:00.000-04:00

I have the whole day off work today. Woohoo! (Tomorrow begins another work week at the CB. Morning-to-early afternoon shifts again!)

Vicar Jean (our pastoral intern at Zion) and I had lunch today. She has been interning at our church for about two and a half years now, and has helped to develop quite a few areas of ministry. It was so great talking to her -- we caught up on 'church happenings,' ministry at Muskingum, family and had the chance to talk about Myers-Briggs, missional community, the enneagram, Paul, the emerging church, postmodernism and cars. Quite the variety!

Anyway, we were also talking about spiritual gifts and she said, "Jessica, your heart is in outreach."

I nodded my head at first, but then sort of just blurted out, "I'm not sure about that!"

***

She reminded me of our interdenominational weekly youth meeting in high school, and of Young Life and Relay and Crusade, and started asking me what was really driving me to be an RA next year.

I think I just said something like, "Oh, man."

What was cool about this, though, is that I was able to get a glimpse of what Jean really wants for her ministry beyond Zion -- she described it as beyond these four walls and outward thinking. She is going to make a big-time impact for Jesus.

***

This is what I love about the Body of Christ: those who are seeking out Jesus and have seen us through good and tough times know us and love us, and are able to encourage us with their words and the time we spend with them.

I want to be this kind of friend to others, and pray that God will use me like that in others' lives.

Take care!

-Jessie

[ to You - less is more ]

2006-06-12T00:48:00.000-04:00

My pastor here at home in Huron has a knack for communicating big and important ideas in clear and meaningful ways. It is definitely one of his gifts -- one that he has recognized, practiced and developed. I think that is cool and really respectable.

***

Today, our church (as part of the ELCA) celebrated "Trinitarian Sunday." Honestly, I had no idea there was such a thing, or that our church and pastor were going to take such an active role in dialoguing about the importance of "Trinitarian Sunday."

Apparently, the day is simply this: a time for the pastors and congregations to reflect on the nature of God. How cool!

Talking and learning about the nature of God is really powerful for me. I'm not sure why that approach resonates with me so much, but it always has.

***

During a typical Young Life season, the first six or so Club talks center around the "Person of Jesus," which basically are short talks intended to give the students a good idea of what Jesus was like in flesh -- short but moving glimpses of His interactions, relationships and claims to help set up the following "Big Four" talks -- Need, Work of Christ, Appropriation (Why? and What does it mean to be committed to Christ?) and The Christian Life (basically a leader or student testimony).

This semester's new weekly meeting for Campus Crusade for Christ also took this approach: first, "Characteristics of Jesus," and then a four-part presentation of the gospel.

Though it was definitely a challenge working through this progression, I think it helped us -- Evan and me, our team and others who were able to 'catch the vision' -- better understand that we have a huge, urgent responsibility to clearly communicate both God's nature and His work in Jesus Christ.

***

Today's sermon, then, was pretty compelling. It got me seriously thinking about a few things:

God's perspective. Pastor talked quite a bit about time -- God created time but lives in eternity, God's timeline is not ours, etc. He also talked for awhile about God-understanding versus human comprehension. Big stuff!

We can't make sense of God's nature, but we can trust that it makes sense for redemption. The way he expressed this idea was good and so, so honest. I wish I had more notes on this one. I'll stop by the church sometime soon with my digital voice recorder in hand (okay, not really) and get some more scoop on this one. :)

Exploring the Godhead may muddy up the waters a bit, but we know one thing: the nature of God is good. The big, lingering questions seem to be, "Is God really good?" and "Does He really desire the best for my life?" We need to earnestly "take God up" on this, I think. God working for the good of those who seek Him is real. We need to dig deep on this one. (God-is-good at face value barely skims the surface, it seems.)

His love is surreal and incomprehensible, yet it's relevant, reachable and vital for our lives. This is so important, and honestly pretty scary because I don't deserve this and am in no way adequate or prepared enough for this kind of love.

-Jessie

[ the sound of...music? ]

2006-06-10T22:53:00.000-04:00

The Kingdom of Couches is one of those books that tends to linger.

It's the sort of book that you intend to file away after you've read it, but then wake up at 3 a.m. only to mumble, "I need to find out what he said about this one thing in this one chapter..."

(Random thought: this book would be ideal for jumpstarting a small group with friends or ministry partners. Check out this Web site for ordering info and a downloadable discussion guide -- a 15-page PDF file: very cool.)

Throughout KOC, Walker copy and pastes entries from the blog he and some of his CCC team members at the University of Texas keep so that they can dialogue about God, faith issues, family, ministry, etc. One of the guys, Brett, is given quite a bit of space in Walker's book, which turns out to be a pretty good thing. In the chapter entitled Sinking the Ark: Church & Subculture, Brett's blog entry is a reply to an earlier post in which Walker links to an article that had appeared in the popular GQ.

The GQ writer immersed himself for seven days into the Christian subculture: Christian music, TV, books, nutrition programs(!) and prayer guides. According to Walker, the author concluded that the Christian subculture seemed like "a self-contained parallel universe...a bad copy of the mainstream, not a truly distinctive or separate achievement."

Brett compares the separation of 'spiritual stuff' versus 'real life' to a musical:

The problem I have with musicals is that nobody's life is plausibly like that. Who goes through their life as if it were completely normal, only to randomly burst into song and dance (often in chorus with other people)? How does that work? Do you plan out when you're going to sing, or is it like falling in love and you just know? Do you prepare songs and choreography for many different moods and situations ahead of time, or do you just make it up on the fly? Even sci-fi movies are realistic to me compared to musicals. Aliens invading Earth seems way more plausible than my neighbor Deion and I singing to each other across the fence about our days.

I had this sickening realization the other day. I'm a Christian (not the sickening part), and my life is a musical. Most of my life looks relatively normal, but then at prescribed times in the week, I meet up with other relatively normal people and start singing. I don't dance too much (I can't dance), but sometimes I'll close my eyes and sway. An hour or so later, I, along with everyone else, stop singing and we go about our business as if nothing happened.

This passage had me laughing out loud, in part because it is like truth - truth - truth and also because Brett reminds me of my friend Joe (check out his blog -- he and two other Muskingum students, Emily and Evan, are in Chicago, IL for Summer Project with CCC), who also isn't a huge fan of musicals and would get along with this Brett guy. (By the way, I found their team blog online. Here it is.)

(Another random thought: a lot of guys really aren't huge fans of musicals. It's their tendency toward practicality, I think. Oh...my friend Evan -- the one in Chicago -- does, though. I can rationalize that, though: he has a great voice, Southern charm and would make a musical bearable to watch. Don't get me wrong...I like musicals. I love The Sound of Music, actually. I mean, it's a classic and has major historical value!)

***

So, yeah. Isn't that crazy and sort of disconcerting at the same time?

I've felt this way before. It's comparable to the "Sunday Christian" thing, but maybe not really, because the whole stepping into character shoes act tends to confuse and plague us pretty extensively in the long run.

In Christian community, we vision-cast, plan, dialogue and worship together. We strive to be led by the Spirit and to walk humbly alongside Jesus. We see fruit.

As individuals, though, I think we (by we, I often mean me) find ourselves in utter silence when conversation with friends or family could, perhaps, make a turn toward a dynamic, challenging spiritual conversation. Maybe it's because we are hesistant to 'go' into that realm, or maybe we (I) are (am) lacking faith in a God who has gone sufficiently 'before us' and who is infinitely more experienced and capable of speaking to people's hearts. (Certainly more than I will ever be, regardless of how many Speech Communication classes I take at Muskingum.)

***

In all reality, we can't lay all the blame on "Christian subculture." Yeah, it's crappy that a lot of people who really love Jesus get a bad rap because of TV programs or books or songs that have seriously misrepresented the heart of God, but it comes down to this, I think: it's in our court (my court, really) to step out of script and allow an omnipresent God to live and move through us in just that way -- simultaneously (Dictionary.com) -- all the time. A God whose character is beautifully constant.

I think Brett's right. My life can't look like The Sound of Music and its choreographed musical numbers (though learning musical scales while frolicking through Austria would be pretty exciting).

What's more, if my interactions with God and community look more like a flashy premiere than a tough but thriving relationship, I need to re-evaluate and spend less time sing-songing and more time investing in a reciprocating friendship (initiated by the Creator of everything; isn't that unreal?).

***

Here's what I love about all this, though: God doesn't let down on His promises -- on His love for His children because we fall, repeatedly, straight on our faces (our put-on faces, nonetheless!).

Instead, He gently picks us up. He helps us find the courage to wipe off a tear or two. He gives us strength to walk with Him and befriend others with authenticity, knowing that He is the One behind it all, anyway.

Keep seeking Him.

-Jessie

One other thing: supposedly the article in GQ (Sept. 2002) stirred up quite a bit of controversy. After some Google searching, I found the article on some random guy's blog. I'd be interested in hearing your replies to the article.

Okay, one last thing (I promise!): that team blog the UT guys have -- it's really good. Here's the link again. If you never have the chance to read KOC, at least bookmark their Web site. It's the best article database I've found in awhile. Good stuff! :)

[ takin' care of business ]

2006-06-09T00:33:00.000-04:00

I'm a waitress at Cracker Barrel, and this week, I've been working day shifts -- 8 am-4 pm, 9-4, etc. This week's schedule surprised me because I had been clocking in evening hours for the last few weeks, but it's been good: the other servers are great, time goes by crazy-quickly & the management is solid. I have about a million reasons to be grateful for the job.

Okay, so this is the last time I'll reference To Own a Dragon for awhile. This has been on my mind for the last two or three days. When I first read this, I thought something like, Okay, that makes sense, and sort of just moved on without trying to soak it in or think about how it applies to life or something like that.

A few pages later: Oh, man. I need to re-read that.

Okay, so a quick recap:

Miller and MacMurray (photographer friend and mentor) take an evening hike to a smaller mountain near Mount Adams in hopes of catching a good shot of the mountain at sunset. Quite a climb, apparently.
After reaching a certain point, they stop. Miller catches his breath; MacMurray sets up the tripod.
After a few minutes of hesitation, Miller realizes that MacMurray isn't going to take a single photo: "Don, there are a million shots like this. Anybody could hike up here on any day and take this shot. We're looking for something more exceptional."
No photos taken despite a beautiful evening: "The light isn't right."
Miller asks MacMurray how often he awakes early, makes an extra effort or hikes ten or more miles only to turn around without a single shot. "It happens a great deal...I will use about 10 percent of the shots I take."
"How do you do it, John? I mean, how do you get out of bed at four in the morning and hike up into the mountains for days without knowing you are going to get a shot. Doesn't that drive you nuts, knowing the chances of your getting a good picture are so low?" -Miller (So straightforward.)
"It's not about what you don't get done; it's about what you do get done. The price of one good shot is nine other hikes, nine other times I have to get out of bed. That's the cost of a great moment." -MacMurray

Here's a few big ideas in the chapter that got me thinking:

Work is about God.
Work isn't punishment; it's reward.
"God is the only motivation...where the law of diminishing returns doesn't apply. I get joy in knowing Him, and He makes sense of my life, my family, my money, my work. And work is just a tool. It is the means to a good end, not the end itself." -JM
"Work, the idea of work, is God's invention and it's part of our spirituality to do it." -JM
Work is an act of worship: "It gives us a reason for doing what it is we do, beyond even feeding our families. It is bigger than that." -JM

***

Maybe you've read (memorized, even?) Colossians 3:17 --

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I don't know a ton about the context of Colossians (check back in 8ish weeks after I finish studying Philippians & Colossians) -- okay, not much at all-- but that verse has always sort of 'resounded' with me. Honestly, it was probably because I flipped through a subsection of a "Bible Promises" verse-finder paperback (did anyone else receive about a dozen of those for graduation?) entitled "Servanthood" or something like that.

Anyway, Miller's own chapter on work had to just 'linger' for awhile, because I wasn't quite sure how to take it.

This summer, I've approached work with a few goals of sorts -- engage others in friendship, share the gospel, trust God for conversations, and well, make some money for Fall 2006 tuition. Here's the weird thing, though: those are all an overflow of labor that...

Worships and honors God
Is built into our very existence
Is a reward (still a very crazy concept) for us
Reflects God's workmanship in Creation & through Christ

***

There's a really strange part of me that likes the concept of 'work' -- not just in a career or rollin'-in-the-dough sense -- and not even as a service-as-a-love-language, either.

Let's see, here...

Because God has uniquely crafted each one of us (inactivity & stagnancy aren't really characteristics of God -- I mean, we pray for things like movement, for God to work, etc., etc.), it seems like there's something kind of engrained in us to worship our Creator through our work, whatever form that may take.

***

God is working through all of us in a lot of different ways, of course, and a lot of cool things tend to emerge as we trust God in the midst of our labor: people coming to know the Lord, darkness exposed by the light of Christ, personal growth in our relationship with God.

All those really good -- I mean, really, really good -- things that we pray for, however, must first spring from a whole giving-over: heart, mind, body -- to our Maker, worthy of our worship and thanks in whatever we do.

Take care!

-Jessie

[ You must increase ]

2006-06-06T22:19:00.000-04:00

I just finished To Own a Dragon. If you are looking for a good read, check it out.

Miller makes a pretty simple but really remarkable observation about the parable of the prodigal son in one his final chapters:

"[God] did not leave because He was fed up with us. Nor did He slowly fade from our lives because He found something better to occupy his interest. It is the human race He cares about, every one of us who walked away from our Maker. In Jesus' words, He is like the anxious Father of the prodigal son, longing for us to return. Not because He is some emotionally weak God who needs affirmation from His creation, but because He so thoroughly loves us. And when we don't return, He is like the Great Shepherd of our souls who goes out seeking us, even the one lost sheep." -To Own a Dragon pp. 183-4

Miller's reflections, along with some reading in Philippians and Romans, hit home this evening.

Really, it is very amazing to me that God's love is more encompassing and powerful than I can comprehend, and that He, who loves us that completely, desires to move and work in our lives.

This is very real to me tonight. There are definitely times when we are so thirsty and the presence of God is so tangible that we simply must go and be immersed. Go and drink of the living water -- go and be quenched by the thorough, deep love of Jesus Christ.

More to come.

Keep seeking Him.

-Jessie

where God's love is,
there is no fear, because God's
perfect love drives out fear.
1 John 4:18

[ so sweet this surrender ]

2006-06-05T19:26:00.000-04:00

how marvelous, how brilliantly

luminous, You shine on me
and who can fail to give you awe
to fear You, God, so sovereign and so strong

Photo by Alicia Wills

what a glorious day
what a wonderful day, today
glorious day.

Praying that God is your all today.

Peace in Him,

Jessie

[ humility ]

2006-06-04T16:44:00.000-04:00

the example of Christ

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:1-4, ESV)

(I really love v. 5-11 as well -- check those out sometime.)

Have a beautiful Sunday!

-Jessie

Oh, man. My neighbor just informed me that Huron Hometown News has ceased after two issues. Print journalism is just too hard to keep up with in a small town!

[ we are one, tonight! ]

2006-06-04T01:48:00.000-04:00

Donald Miller's newest release, To Own a Dragon, is so good. I haven't finished it, but as expected, Miller hasn't disappointed yet. The memoir details Miller's life without a father, and is co-authored by reknown photographer John MacMurray, whose work has been published in National Geographic and the Sierra Club. Miller recaps quite a bit of the dialogue he had with MacMurray during his four years with his family, and makes a few really compelling arguments for God as Father. (To Own a Dragon isn't specifically written to a Christian audience. In fact, I'd say the target demo is, well, men who have grown up without fathers. It's poignant for all those who read it, but I can only imagine how moving it would be for those whose lives parallel Miller's.)

***

Sara & I saw The Break-Up this afternoon. If you are planning on seeing it, check the reviews before you go to the theater. For all the hype it has received (mostly because of Aniston & Vaughn's off-screen romance, I think), we were disappointed. HOWEVER, this was exciting: they showed the preview for Snakes on a Plane, which has already developed a cult-esque following and apparently is guaranteed to be a unique summer hit. I believe it. (Sara and I were the only ones laughing at the preview. The whole five other people in the theater were annoyed with our random amusement, I think.)

***

Every Saturday, either John or Dad mows the lawn. It takes three or four hours because our house is built into a hill and is on an acre so of land. So, today was "Mow The Lawn" Saturday. Later this evening, I was telling Dad that the yard looked nice, and asked him how many years it had been since he decided to move his "mowing radius" forward (I didn't say that, actually; I'm just trying to be witty like Donald Miller). Basically, I wanted to know how long it had been since he started allowing nature to run its course in the grassy area next to the creek near our backyard.

I noticed tonight that the weeds which had initially taken over the unmowed grass are now accompanied by a few nice-looking trees -- trees that we didn't plant. Apparently, this is called "ecological succession." I decided to do a little research on this ecological succession business, and well, I don't really understand much of the lingo on most of the Web sites, but I do know this: it is such a cool thing! I mean, the trees that have grown next to the creek are going to be huge and strong someday. Maybe the next family who lives in our home will have kids who spend their summers building a treehouse in one of them. Who knows?

This past year, and especially this past semester, I've thought a lot about process. There is beauty in process, especially when we are able to let down our guard and, well, let God be at the root of the continual transformation He desires for our lives. I like thinking and dialoguing about the process of faith, probably because our journey with Christ is so incredibly 'larger than ourselves' that it comes down to letting go daily.

There are areas of my life that I am still attempting to manage on my own. I think we all have these, really. One big prayer that I have for those I know and for my own life is that we'd be able to move our 'radius' forward a bit and allow God to do some serious landscaping of His own. (I love Paul's heart-cry in Philippians 3: citizenship in heaven through Jesus' death and resurrection, pressing on toward the goal now, looking forward toward serious transformation.)

Keep seeking Him.

-Jessie

Oh! Even Thoreau wrote about this ecological succession thing. Interesting.

[ fever pitch & life to the full ]

2006-06-03T00:32:00.000-04:00

I watched a really good movie the other night with my friend Meredith and her mom.

Okay, so it wasn't an instant blockbuster when it was released, its 'star power' is nominal and yes, it's a chick flick, but gosh, it was funny and refreshing and, well, quotable.

I know...you're waiting in anticipation now. (Right...)

The movie is...the 2005 Drew Barrymore/Jimmy Fallon flick Fever Pitch. According to Cinema.com, Fever Pitch is:

"...a contemporary romantic comedy about a high school teacher who meets and falls in love with a successful businesswoman. Although their lives are vastly different, the relationship seems perfect until the baseball season begins and she has to compete with his first true love: the Boston Red Sox."

You're thinking, "Jessie, what does this have to do with anything you usually write about?" Okay, I'll admit it: it doesn't.

This movie did, however, make me laugh a lot. Honestly, I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. (Okay, maybe not since last Saturday evening's visit to the Warren Motel after Joel & Sharon's reception.)

I think enjoying something that much in a concentrated period of time with two people I love softened my heart a bit. (I just re-read the last sentence and it sounds incredibly cheesy, but I'm going to leave it. This is a big step.)

So, this is kind of the weird: on the way home (in the minivan; yes, I've been cruising Huron & Sandusky in our minivan this week), I was filled with such joy and love that I just cried! Not because Ben and Lindsay get together (and, shocker!, keep the Red Sox tickets) in the end of Fever Pitch (pretend like you didn't read that), but because God loves us in such a unique, heroic way -- and meets with us at (seemingly) random but utterly perfect moments.

***

I have been surprised lately at the ways in which God has provided for me. Really, though, I shouldn't be so shocked.

"Life to the full" is meaty and real and even a little scary. Each day, God brings us to new thresholds -- increased understanding of His character -- refreshed perspective of His people. And it happens amidst our "ordinary" (e.g., watching Fever Pitch -- oh, man...). Amidst our ordinary only because our God is that extraordinary. That powerfully compassionate.

Keep serving Him.

-Jessie

P.S.: This entry probably seems a little scatterbrained. It is. You see, for a half-hour or so before I wrote this entry, I read through the blog of Mark Steele, author of the Relevant-published Flashbang! book. His writing style is all over the place, and I think there is some carryover to this entry. Steele, however, can definitely get away with it. I bet he'd be a great guy to meet in person.

P.P.S.: Have a great weekend. It's June; can you believe it?! Wow.

[ john 3:30 ]

2006-06-02T14:12:00.000-04:00

He must become greater

i must become less
Photo by Alicia Wills

[ kant ]

2006-06-02T09:59:00.000-04:00

This past semester I had the opportunity to take a philosophy class at Muskingum entitled Introduction to Ethics.

Honestly, as I was scheduling my spring semester classes in November or so of 2005, I probably would have described it as "a class that I have to take for my journalism major," followed by a sigh or something. But really, the class opened my eyes. It pried them open, actually.

I've always had sort of an offish attitude toward philosophy, probably because I have been intimidated by it.

(You know, philosophers: they write a few impossible-to-read books and become really popular after they die. Like starving artists or something.)

Ah. Ignorance is bliss.

Okay, in reality, I still don't know much about philosophy or philosophers or ethics. I did, however, have one simple realization: I have a lot to learn.

For example, Immanuel Kant is recognized by a few of his theories - one focusing on the idea of universal laws and another centered around this:

So act as to treat humanity, whether in thine own person or in that of any other, in every case as an end withal, never as a means only. (Fundamental Principles of the Metaphysics of Ethics)

When Dr. Lekan and our class discussed Kant, we focused in on this theory quite a bit. Right away, it intrigued me, probably because it sounds cool and important: Treat others as ends, never as means to an end.

***

A few days ago I came across a little blurb on Kant in the current issue of Christianity Today. It brought back (fond) memories of PHIL-203, and got me thinking about Kant again.

I think I need to pray about the way I approach relationships with others. Just when I think my motives in friendship are pure, an annoying pride alert! alarm makes a fine buzzing sound in my ear. Okay, not really, but you get the idea: inward-tendencies and pretenses hinder any sort of authenticity I can offer to others.

This is why my life must be drenched.

Soaked.

Overflowing with living water.

***

There is no way I can even begin to approach relationship with others without first offering up everything to God - the God who embraces me - the same the God who embraced a fallen world in flesh with not even an ounce of false motivation.

I'm not sure what Kant thought about God or Jesus or Christianity, but I do know this: his theory has big-time application value for my life.

Really, when it comes down to it, I only know of one way to put this into practice at this point in time. I must continue to seek out the One who takes me in not even as an 'end,' but as His child - worthy and empowered to be called His own.

Love you guys.

-Jessie

(I oversimplified Kant's theories quite a bit in this entry. I definitely recommend reading up on Kant's life, ideas & influence if you have a chance. Really intriguing stuff.)

[ summer oh - six ]

2006-05-30T23:34:00.000-04:00

Summer 2006 - A Plan

Serve, love & share life with the Cracker Barrel staff. Dig deep to find out what makes them 'tick.' Spend time outside of work with a few of the girls as time progresses. "Preach the gospel at all times..." (St. Francis of Assisi)
Build into Kristin, Beth and Meredith. Spend time with Julie, Erica, Sara and Jenna.
Love & serve my family.
Pray boldly and often. Spend time with God in the morning and at night; walk in the Spirit.
Study Philippians & Colossians inductively. Pray that God would give me passion for and understanding/perspective of His Word.
Read a book or so a week. Pray that God would bless others through this blog.
Write daily (blogging, nonfiction, for print media around here, journaling).
Keep in contact with people from Muskingum (especially through e-mail, snail mail and phone calls).
Treat friends to meals out whenever possible.
Help lead worship (singing, giving messages) at our church's informal service at the marina.
Pray about volunteering with Victory Kitchen or another nonprofit agency on a regular basis (once or more per week). Become more (effectively) socially aware & involved.

[ fall 2006 ]

2006-05-30T16:08:00.000-04:00

My Life Next Semester

"Wasting Time" With God

Commit to substantial time with God before class. Trust in Him to meet with me daily & provide sufficient energy each morning.
Commit to consistent personal inductive Bible study.
Carve out time and space for being alone to enjoy God beyond quiet times - running, writing, blogging, reading, walks through the hollow, playing guitar, listening to music, etc.
Pray for wisdom, perspective and vision. Pray boldly that God would continue to transform the face of Muskingum.

Discipleship

Continue to disciple & spend time with Laura.
Pray specifically about having a Life Group with 2 or 3 other women who live on Kelley 1. Talk to these women soon after school begins. Disciple these women. Pray with them; pray for them.
Time with Meg.

Kelley Hall

Know the name of every single resident in Kelley Hall. Encourage them daily.
Make desk hours count.
Pursue friendship with the Kelley RA staff & Bob. Serve them.
Have a conversation with every Kelley 1 resident by the end of the first week of school.
Programming, floor meetings, time with girls: maximize time. Work to establish teamwork amongst Kelley 1 (intramurals, Kelley Hall competitions, etc.). Spend quality time with freshman girls.
Trust in God to achieve unity and vision with Amy. Dialogue often with her. Have fun together outside of floor activities & RA stuff.
Pray boldly for the Spirit's leading & missional community in Kelley Hall.
Earn the right to be heard through relational evangelism. Trust in God's working through initiative evangelism.

Campus Crusade for Christ

Meet weekly with the Primetime Team to pray, cast vision and plan Primetime. Incorporate a short devotion led by a different team member each week.
Pray daily for Servant Team members & for our team (Evan, Emily, Angela & Keith).
Work to equip other team members & Primetime speakers for mission and ministry (specifically, scheduled weekly meetings with Evan & the student giving the talk).
Take a half-hour before Primetime to focus and pray.
Pray about a small group Bible study with a few other ST members.
Pray about future leadership with CCC (throughout & beyond Muskingum).
Embrace the relevant, authentic gospel of Jesus Christ. Share it often.

B&M/Journalism

Commit to good design & articles for the Lifeline section.
Keep up with religion, faith & ethics issues online and through print media.
Trust in God for thoughtful, creative and encouraging commentaries.
Spend time with other B&M staffers in and out of the office, especially Meryl.
Dialogue with and serve Dr. Wagner whenever possible.
Pray for, encourage & serve students in journalism-related classes.
Pray for a broadcast/electronic media internship, and for God to be glorified in the midst of 'earning credit hours.'

Free time

Meet with Jerry often.
Keep in contact with Huron friends and family.
Spend less time online (AIM, Facebook, etc.).
Take time to support college 'happenings' (music, athletics, lectures, CenterBoard/Student Life sponsored events).

Stewardship

Pray about where to give 10% of earnings (supporting through Crusade, College Drive Presbyterian Church, etc.).
Save for Spring 2007/Fall 2008 tuition.
Treat others whenever possible.
Do not aimlessly spend!

Relationships

Pray for my family & friends daily.
Pray with friends each evening (11:15-ish pm). Engage them in fruitful conversations. Make time count. Enjoy & uplift one another.
Pray for those who I live, study and work with - classes, B&M, RA staff, Kelley Hall, professors, Student Life.
Pray for God's will to be accomplished in every current, developing and future relationship.

[ from me to Him ]

2006-05-29T13:17:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday I had the opportunity to attend my friend Sharon's wedding in Warren, PA. The ceremony was beautiful and the reception was a lot of fun (if Muskies are involved, good times are pretty much inevitable!). :)

Joel and Sharon have such a cool relationship that has been transformed by God over the course of 5 or 6 years, and I am looking forward to seeing how the Lord uses them as 'one' united - in D.C., their workplaces, new friendships...how awesome.

God so uniquely works through married couples. In the past few years, I've been able to be, in a sense, a 'beneficiary' of couples with big faith & big servant-hearts. Before Matt (my high school YL leader) & Janet were married, Janet was pursuing friendship with me, and as I am beginning to understand now, building into me with the wisdom & faith she had (abundantly) received from God. After they were married, Matt & Janet would have me over for dinner, praise & worship and conversation with their friends. Their interest in me wasn't based in charity or obligation, but in their faith in God's desire to reach me.

I saw this in Andrew & Dee, too. Andrew & Dee moved to Huron within a few weeks of Matt and Janet's decision to move to Massachusetts for seminary. Andrew & Dee graduated from Calvin College in Grand Rapids, MI and were volunteer leaders for YL throughout college. During their time in Huron, Dee volunteered as the assistant cross country coach and weekly had cross country girls & their friends over for Bible studies, sleepovers (I think we watched Tommy Boy about 15 times over the course of a few years) & random co-ed events like Laser Tag and, of course, YL Fall Retreat. :) Yesterday, Andrew & Dee made the drive from South Carolina to go to Huron High School's graduation ceremony. Even though Andrew & Dee only lived in Huron for a few years, you should have seen how many students (from a 6 or 7 year age range!) wanted to talk to them after the ceremony. They're praying about moving back to Huron. God is good.

Kirk and Sarah, who serve together in SE Ohio Young Life, have really demonstrated the grace of God to the high school students and YL partners they've worked with in the past two years. God is at work in their marriage & it is exciting to see students come to know a living, interactive God because of the Spirit's working in their lives. One aspect of their marriage that is really cool is that they have the ability to make others feel acknowledged & accepted nearly immediately. God really uses that in their ministry together.

At the reception, Joel's best man (who roomed with Joel this past year at Carnegie Mellon) gave a funny, honest & pretty poignant toast. He talked about how, in Joel and Sharon's very presence together, Jesus just "flows" (I think that's the word he used) out of them, and God's love is revealed very tangibly. He went on about His own earlier perception of "Sunday Christians," and how his friendship with Joel both challenged that assumption and led him to believe in "this Jesus who was real and whose claims affected my life in big ways" (not a direct quote, but hopefully fairly accurate!). It was really beautiful.

***

Though I am not in a relationship and probably won't be married for awhile, I desire this.

This summer, I want to be so actively immersed in God that I - my own needs, wants, personality, accomplishments - are stripped away and nothing stands in between others being able to know and love the God who has pursued and accepted me.

I desire this not only because I see those around me aching for fulfillment, but because I am being continually humbled by God's design of using those who lay everything - every aspect of their lives - at the foot of the Cross.

***

There is a very gripping account of Jesus' wrestling with God in the Garden of Gethsemane in Mark's Gospel:

"Going a little farther, [Jesus] fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. 'Abba, Father,' he said, 'everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will but what you will.' Once more he went away and prayed the same thing." (Mark 14:35-39)

I often overlook Jesus' struggle in the Garden of Gethsemane because I have almost trained myself (often academically) to jump to the 'big picture' immediately: God's work in Jesus through the 'big two' -- His crucifixion and resurrection.

How powerful is it, though, that our Lord was broken even before His journey to the Cross? I am in awe. In Jesus' communication with God even before His death, He was living out an interactive relationship with God. (In fact, the best, most authentic relationship with God we can see anywhere.) In His brokenness, He cries out, but does not waver from His commitment to God's redemption of an entire Creation.

***

I must become broken before God for others to see His transparency in the same way I have seen Him working through these couples. Broken so that I will be able to see the same need that God sees in these people, and broken so that His Spirit can fill and empower me to grasp the work He has begun in my life.

This is approaching the 1000-word mark, so I'll close for now. More on this later, though.

Love you guys.

-Jessie

[ a few thoughts - II ]

2006-05-26T22:54:00.000-04:00

God's passion for the 'unloveable' strips away any understanding of love I can have or give on my own will.

God is in the trenches. He calls us there. We resist; He presses on.

Intervention -- not just jargon.

Jesus, lead on.

Love you guys.

-Jessie

[ real rest ]

2006-05-25T00:41:00.000-04:00

I worry.

It's true.

My inner dialogue:

a.) Oh, but everyone worries.

b.) It doesn't really matter; it's a fact of life.

and...

Get over it.

Real life:

a.) Downloading Weather Channel to my desktop before Relay For Life and checking it, on the hour, until about 4 a.m. each day before the event. (Keep in mind I have a lot of control over the weather. Right.) At about 5 p.m. on 'Relay Day,' tornado warnings were released over the Internet & we had to temporarily move into our college's Rec Center for a few of our ceremonies. Get this: it didn't phase anyone. (Imagine that, Jess!)

b.) "Kaylah (my roommate), I'm just not sure about this, this or that." (Frequently.)

"Jessie, don't worry about it."

Get this: she was right. Every time! (She always is; she just knows!)

c.) Procrastinating (for a few weeks, no joke) on a religion paper that was already late because I was nervous about what the professor would say to me. He eventually approached me & said, "Don't worry about it." (That evening, I wrote the paper. Random side note: it only had to be two pages; not even a big deal! Especially considering I like writing papers. Agh!)

***

We've been told a lie, really.

A lie that says our worry (about our work, the weather(!), relationships) jumpstarts productivity; that it will eventually 'make a difference' in the long run; that by 'being concerned,' something better is bound to happen.

The thing is, our day-to-day worrying usually doesn't move us to action. When I am nervous about something, it's usually centered on me and the things that I have to accomplish, or even more often, how it will affect people's perception of me. I can't think of a time recently when I've been so worried about, say, the reality of hunger (even here in 'upper middle class' suburbia) that I've driven straight to the soup kitchen in Sandusky & asked to serve for the day. It just doesn't work like that. We sweat the small stuff.

***

One thing about Jesus that continually astounds me is His boldness in representing the character of God. Let not your hearts be troubled, He says. I am the way… (John 14:1,6) No half-hearted, empty truth here. In fact, just the opposite -- Jesus calls His disciples to real confidence and faith in a God who has met all their needs. He says, Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28). Not just the recommended 8 hours, but real rest!

I want this; I want others to have this. I want this because worry keeps me from engaging others in real relationships; friendships embedded in Christ & yielding real fruit (Galatians 5). What's more, I want my sense of being efficient in worry to be continually replaced by a reflection that is so much greater than any image I can conjure up on my own - God's reflection, in Jesus -- a reflection of life. Of redemption. Of big-time hope.

Keep seeking Him.

-Jessie

[ throwin' it back... ]

2006-05-23T01:49:00.000-04:00

Speaking of Young Life (see previous post: 5/21, I think), I was looking through photos late this evening (early morning, really!) and found this one. It's kind of funky (blog-esque? -- haha, right...). I wish I could read the lyrics that are making their way up to the projection screen (err...white sheet). Timmy (a sophomore now @ OSU; probably leading Young Life there) & I are helping to lead Club in this pic. Sometimes I miss leading Young Life, but I'm really grateful for where God has me now. He really does desire to use and equip us 'where we are.'

Hopefully when school starts up again, I can begin to post photos from Primetime 9:09, our outreach-based weekly meeting that is part of Muskingum's Campus Crusade for Christ.

-Jessie

[ a few thoughts ]

2006-05-22T19:04:00.000-04:00

God is gathering a people to Himself.

This is both exciting and a bit daunting, honestly, because I am being made more aware of my leaning toward 'super-personalized' faith -- understanding and pursuing relationship with God but not quite seeing the 'whole' picture consistently -- the picture, really, of a God who has offered Himself in flesh to redeem an entire Creation -- and who is pursuing and desiring to meet with others as much as He is with me.

***

A friend and I were at a Bible study a few months ago led by one of our religion professors at Muskingum. Our professor took the group through the book of Ruth -- a moving story of relationship between two women and their desperation-turned-joy (if you haven't had the opportunity to read Ruth, take a look at it -- it's really wonderful).

Though Ruth is a foreigner to the land, she is obedient to the LORD and faithful to her relationship with Naomi, her mother-in-law:

"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me." -Ruth 1:16-18

(Isn't that beautiful?)

Ruth and her genuine trust in a God who both works in spite of (...and through?) ingrained cultural and social barriers: big.

God's design of working through individual people to fulfill His purposes for an entire people: really, really big.

***

The paradox of God actively working in the world regardless of us and because of us is intriguing and new...and pretty challenging, too.

In wrestling with my own fundamental insignificance and God's significance and how the two can coexist, I am pushed to endure in faith in God's plan -- a plan that is, in its very essence, being revealed to people all around the world...even now.

***

I love the simple lyrics of David Crowder Band's Come and Listen (from their A Collision album):

Let me tell you what He has done for me
He has done for you
He has done for us
Come and listen
Come and listen to what He has done

In my frequent attempts to understand the 'whole picture' of what God is doing in my life and in those around me, it is assuring to know that I need only listen.

Thoughts?

Love you guys.

-Jessie

[ UV & the Cavs ]

2006-05-21T18:33:00.000-04:00

Praise God for sunny days and spending time with people you love.

Random note: it is a sad day in Cleveland today. Yes, it's true -- I jumped on the NBA bandwagon this week.

Oh...thanks, all, for your encouraging thoughts and comments. I'm looking forward to even more dialogue with you in the upcoming months.

Enjoy God today.

-Jessie

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you; abide in my love."

-John 15:9

2006-05-21T01:49:00.000-04:00

Pre-post thought: Most of my blogs lately have stemmed from some sort of book I've been reading or skimming, so really, I've been reflecting upon ideas that other people have already published. I think this is good for now, but I've been thinking: if I'm going to work toward being published someday, whenever that is, I need a lot of my own ideas.

But when it comes down to it, they won't be my own ideas anyway.

Thanks be to God for that.

You're now thinking: Jessie! Stop being so random and get on with the post.

I'll reply: Okay. You win. :)

The Kingdom of Couches has been a good read so far. I really love creative nonfiction that challenges, fights for and digs deeper into critical faith issues. KOC succeeds in the "missional community" field, I think. (Walker serves on staff with Campus Crusade at the University of Texas and has written for Relevant; cool, huh?)

I may have to get permission from Walker at some point for this, but this passage blew me out of the water:

So where does the Bible fit into spiritual life? For most people it fits into what they have come to call "quiet times." I was taught to have quiet times, first as a child in the corner, and then as a adult at the coffee shop. Both are wonderful and should be treasured as part of the American way of life. What I don't understand, though, is how the Bible got mixed up with quiet times the way it did. Never have two simple words so shaped the way people think about what it means to study the Bible, or to be a Christian for that matter. The approach has been common, even prescriptive:

1.) Find a quiet place, maybe some music in the background, coffee/tea, comfy chair, etc.
2.) Read something in the Bible. Read for at least fifteen minutes (this seems to be the minimum requirement).
3.) If you have questions get them answered immediately by reading a commentary.
4.) Journal and/or pray.
5.) Impress someone with what you have learned (optional, and for experienced Christians only).

This would by most standards be considered a good approach to Bible study. That it may be, but it is not the best approach to learning. I am biased, of course, because I fail miserably at the whole quiet time agenda. It's been awhile since I have read the Bible this way: privately, quietly, devotionally. I have read and discussed it with people, read it to prepare for talks and small groups, written about some of its passages and ideas, and read a few complimentary books along the way. So either I am not a good Christian or it is possible to learn from the Bible and love Jesus/people apart from this approach. Perhaps both are true.

It seems to me that the Bible is meant to be read aloud, heard in community, talked about at dinner, applied to actual life, debated -- anything but confined to the comfy recesses of my "devotional life." I am not suggesting that we should not read the Bible alone. My friend Jonathon points out the dangers of throwing out personal reading:

"Personal choice and discipline are critical for cultivating intimacy with the Lord whenever one is apart from community. If this discipline is not developed, the community will become a crutch and not a catapult in the aim for holy living."

Hopefully you were able to trudge through all of that. Basically, I wanted to take Walker's sentence that I italicized above and put it into context, because I think it's big and really, really true.

Paul crossed my mind as I read that passage.

As he addressed each church, we can see a glimpse of how much passion he has for the people. Not just, "Here's the deal, guys...this is what God has called me to do and this is how you are a part of it," but something more like, "This is my life assignment! I desire for you to know this!" (Really, that doesn't even begin to convey Paul's passion for God's people!)

On the other side of the spectrum, I can imagine the people addressed in Paul's letters were pretty shaken up by some of Paul's words -- after all, he desired big faith in a big God -- and, really, in a huge program in which they were actively involved.

I often find myself in the mindset of 'minimums,' not really allowing God to shake up my world through His Word. And the thing is...He wants to; I can feel Him urging me to dig deeper. To dig deeper so that I can too be passionate about His gospel -- His message of sin-shattering, redemptive love and eternal hope -- for my life, for those I know and love, for those I work with, for those I will come to know in years ahead. He desires our willingness to first delve into the Bible and then our trust in His provision for understanding of His Word.

***

Over the past few years, I've had the chance to hear a few people who have so seamlessly integrated the gospel into messages and conversations. Through their passion, I've experienced God. (Have you experienced this? I'd love to hear your stories. E-mail me sometime: jessicam@muskingum.edu)

Chris Buda, who is our region's Young Life director (I was involved in Young Life throughout high school and was a volunteer leader my freshman year at Muskingum) spoke at a leadership retreat in January 2005.

(Chris, who is referred to as "Buda" most of the time, is one of those guys who Young Life staff, volunteer leaders and kids talk about all the time. I've never met anyone in the ministry quite like him. He's amazing.)

One talk Buda gave was on John 4 -- Jesus' meeting with the woman at the well. As he read the passage, reflected upon it and related it to our ministry with high school kids, I couldn't help but thank God for Buda's obedience. Sheer trust. His trust in an extraordinary God to work through Him in big, big ways. John 4 came alive. Buda wanted us to understand Jesus' passion for the woman -- and really, for all those who were/are marginalized. He desired for us to apply that to our own relationships with high schoolers.

***

The gospel message can bring us to our knees -- to tears -- to understanding -- to action.

Let's pray that we would too desire for others to know and love the gospel. Its message is more than enough for each of our lives. After all, He is more than enough.

Love you guys.

-Jessie

2006-05-19T20:24:00.000-04:00

Random post. There's been quite a few of these lately. :)

I was thinking about our junior/senior English teacher today (Erica, if you read this, we should definitely have a lunch date with Mrs. Warren this summer!) and was reminded of our poetry unit senior year & how cool it was to read some of the stuff we did. The journalism majors take "English" classes at Muskingum because it's an interdisciplinary major, but really, we don't have the chance to dig into the good stuff like the English majors (e.g., Joe and Alicia).

So here's a taste of good ol' George Herbert for the day. It looks really cool on paper because Herbert did sweet formatting (I'm not sure if that's the right term, but it sounded semi-accurate). For some reason, it's not allowing for line breaks in between the stanzas. I'll fix that later.

Easter Wings

Lord, Who createdst man in wealth and store,

Though foolishly he lost the same,

Decaying more and more,

Till he became

Most poore:

With Thee

O let me rise,

As larks, harmoniously,

And sing this day Thy victories:

Then shall the fall further the flight in me.

My tender age in sorrow did beginne;

And still with sicknesses and shame

Thou didst so punish sinne,

That I became

Most thinne.

With Thee

Let me combine,

And feel this day Thy victorie;

For, if I imp my wing on Thine,

Affliction shall advance the flight in me.

2006-05-19T14:12:00.000-04:00

Lately I’ve been doing some major unpacking. It’s the first time in a couple years so that I’ve been home for more than a few weeks, so you can imagine the piles of junk that have accumulated.

Dad and I went out to our storage unit earlier this week to sort though some of those huge Rubbermaid containers that hold everything, including (but definitely not limited to):

-Approximately one dozen sheets of Valentine’s Day window clings. (There must have been a huge sale at some point. A bit ridiculous!)

-Relay For Life hats, bags, brochures, pens, you name it. (I write this so that you know I have a lot of Relay stuff & I am willing to give it away.)

-Random textbooks (e.g., Java something-or-another) from classes I thought I could handle (e.g., Computer Science I).

-Scrapbooks & homemade videos from middle school projects. (I write this so that you can too recall your middle school years…oh, good times.)

Really, though, I couldn’t believe how much stuff has piled up, even since I have been at Muskingum: Christmas gifts that have already collected dust -- clothes that I just don’t need – boxes and boxes full of things. Lots of things that I have forgotten about…and haven’t needed or even missed.

***

Will Walker, in his 2005 Cru Press release The Kingdom of Couches, writes that:

“Along the way, I discovered something I didn’t expect: people. I realize that people are everywhere. My life began when I came out of a person, and since then, having never resided in Montana or in outer space, I’ve been immersed in humanity. This doesn’t bother me in the least because I like people. I just never thought I would need them.”

After I bought the book and first read this passage, I think my mouth sort of just awkwardly gaped open for a few seconds because it was so strikingly true. And so simple at that.

People, all around? Of course. People, all around and an integral part of my own life? I think not.

At Muskingum there’s this sort of cheesy but fairly accurate notion of the “Muskie Hello.” Basically, it’s pretty common for those on campus to say ‘hey’ to others as they’re walking, even if they’re not familiar with the person. If you’re really fortunate, sometimes you’ll get a “Hey. How are you?” – to which you reply (no kidding – every time!), “Fine, How are you?” – to which they say, well, usually nothing, because we usually don’t take the time to stop and ask others what’s really up in their lives.

***

Photo by Jeanna Henderson

I’m beginning to learn that people – and our overwhelming need for them – can’t even begin to compare to the other things in our life – even really important and necessary things like our jobs and houses and cars.

I think I am beginning to learn this not because I have necessarily always put people before things or have really had to scrape for money in order to meet basic needs, but because recently I’ve been getting to know a few friends who have trusted God with the basic ‘things’ and have turned toward spending their energy and efforts in building relationships. Real, thriving and meaningful relationships. It’s been cool to see.

I need this. We need this. We need human interaction. In our interacting with others, we will continue experience tough love and undoubtedly some tough growth too. (I would contend that community is the 100% surefire way of experiencing tough love and growth. With one another, with God. Beautiful!)

Let’s move from ‘just close enough' to authentic intimacy.

Our communities depend on it. Our lives will wither without it.

Keep serving Him.

-Jessie

2006-05-18T01:12:00.000-04:00

After about 20 minutes of lying in bed and not sleeping, I thought to myself, “Why not write for awhile?” (I know the normal time to fall asleep is 20 minutes, but whew, clocking in college hours quickly finds you hitting the pillow & thirty seconds later stumbling into R.E.M.! Okay, not really, but you get the idea.)

So…here I am.

Anyway, my last post (scroll down a bit; or maybe not even at all!) talked about the latest issue of Relevant and how it’s been “rocking my world.” (I’m such a dork, but really, it has!)

I love Relevant Publishing because the company has really sweet vision for convergence amongst the new genre of Christian media. I feel like they are making headway in the ‘ideal’ of a joining of broadcast, electronic & print media for young adults. The cool thing about Relevant & other similar publishers (I really like Cru Press & a few other companies who aren’t necessarily ‘Christian,’ but whose labels include Christian writers) is that they are rooted in Christ and are committed to being genuine and encouraging progressive thought. They want to be real; they want their media to invoke change. I want to be part of a ministry that’s like that, whether I’m writing or not.

David Crowder (whose band, for yet another random DCB factoid, will be releasing an acoustic version of their 2005 hit album A Collision in June – entitled B Collision) really did have a sweet article in the May/June issue of Relevant.

I wish Relevant's Web site posted their current issue’s articles, but they don’t, so you’ll have to put up with my not-really-up-to-par synopsis of Crowder’s piece. Actually, I think I’m going to write it in list form – it’ll be easier to read that way, because I’m bound to go on a tangent:

-DC’s wife likes massages.
-DC agrees to couple’s massage.
-DC is nervous about couple’s massage. (Root: uncertainties about massage ‘etiquette.’ Can you blame him?!)
-DC and his wife arrive at nice spa place to receive massages.
-DC backs out of massage, almost. But he decides to go for it.
-DC walks into massage room, e.g., huge palace-type area with lots of waterfalls & pretty things.
-DC is still unsure what he should do.
-DC decides to take a dip in one waterfall’s adjacent pool. Naked. He quickly realizes the pool is only about knee-deep.
-Strange sound.
-Random guy walks in.
-Random guy makes random comment. (Something like, “You should check out that other fall. It’s great.”)
-Random guy walks out.
-DC relates (very…well, random) event to nakedness before God. In a much more memorable, witty way than this list does.

In all seriousness, you should check out the article if you have a chance (let me know if you want a copy). It got me thinking about a few things:

God’s grace in our raw state: Mark Steele, one of those cool ministry-media-author gurus, wrote in his recent book that God loves us raw, even when we come to Him ‘refined.’ How cool. And how vital for a fallen world, that our Creator would not only accept us, but really desire for us to understand and respond to the huge length He went to in order to bridge that gap. A stepping-into-flesh hugeness.

The image of God & our call to be Christ’s body: What overwhelms me is that we, as followers of Jesus, are bare (…and barren, really) before God – but that He uses that! His image is written upon our hearts; branded into our very lives, and we are urged to press on and be Jesus to a world aching for authenticity. He works in spite of our sometimes ugly nature – quenching us with new life. Not life related to a Woohoo! Everything is great! mindset (I, for one, too often depend on these feelings), but life-giving based in constancy and real fulfillment.

Our transparency before God -> transparency before others: There are a few friends with whom I feel I can be completely honest. That is so refreshing! (I hope you have a few friends like that. Really, I pray that you do.) The even cooler thing about our inherent nakedness before God (and continual acceptance of that) is that it deepens our friendship with others. Our interactions become less about us and the image we’d like to portray to the world…and more about Him and His revolutionary, rich image. We grow. It’s beautiful.

I pray that you and I would be able to trust that God works not only in spite of, but because of our unrefined nature.

I love that.

For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. (Colossians 1:19-20)

2006-05-15T20:01:00.000-04:00

I've been doing a lot of writing & reading lately, but haven't gotten to posting in awhile. Look in the next few days for something worthwhile to read (I hope!).

In other news:

-I was hired at the Cracker Barrel in Sandusky, OH (about ten minutes from my hometown of Huron) for the summer. Training began today and went really well; I'm pumped.

-It's been good to be home. My prayer is that God would use me, in all reality, where I am. It is in the midst of our 'ordinary' that God desires to move. I love that.

-My brother Josh gets confirmed this weekend & my other brother John graduates next weekend. (John is one of four valedictorians of his class. I'm a proud sister.) Change is all around. It's exciting.

-Muskies are heading out to be Jesus' hands and feet all over the globe this summer! Pray that wherever we are, we would be teachable, anxious to be molded and able to share a compassionate, transforming gospel with all those we encounter.

-The latest issue of Relevant has been rocking my world! Pick it up if you have a chance. There's a sweet feature on the up-and-coming Derek Webb, a hilarious and honest piece by the David Crowder (who, in fact, will be releasing a book this fall -- woohoo!) and some really good articles on how to (practically and efficiently) become more socially active.

-I was surfing the Web and came across a sweet blog whose author writes about how God loves His Creation with "reckless abandonment," and how we too are (urgently!) called to that. To love God and His people big-time. (I use that phrase way too often.) What's holding me back? What's holding us back?

Look for another post soon.

Love you guys.

-Jessie

2006-05-05T01:13:00.000-04:00

"O, the fullness, the pleasure,
the sheer excitement of knowing God here on earth."
-Jim Elliott

In the last two weeks or so, I've been struck by how God shows Himself to us through our setting everything aside -- our worries, our workload, even our time with loved ones.

As we fall on our knees, we're filled in the only way that is able to sustain us, and more importantly, the only approach capable of sending us forward to deal with what is our day-to-day 'reality.'

***

This school year I've found 'fellowship time' here at school to be memorable --really memorable-- and fulfilling. There's something really amazing about being friends with people who understand and support you...who love you regardless of the crap you get yourself into...who will affirm you and who will ineveitably hit you with some truth once in awhile.

Something I've been learning about lately, though, has been the absolute necessity of time with God. The phrase "spending time with God" used to annoy me, actually -- probably because I had misconceptions of what that was all about -- something related to offering up a sort of 'time sacrifice' or 'tithe' to God in hopes of 'revelation,' and probably because I wasn't really doing it.

Okay, so anyway, I am beginning to see how time spent with others in community is fully reliant on individual intimacy with God. I feel like I've heard this at least a thousand times before, but it's becoming more of a reality now, I think.

The only thing of real substance I can offer to others is a relationship with a living, transcendent God. If I'm not allowing Him to move through me, then my own relationships will run dry. And have, at one point or another.

God's funny, you know. He nudges us when we are just fine with stagnancy, quenching us with this power of His that literally pushes us -- past passivity...way past being settled or comfortable. And He uses our relationship with Him to deepen our friendships with others, learning to better love and serve them and allowing our time in community to collectively draw us closer to God.

God has so uniquely crafted you and is seeking friendship with you. Just turn around a bit -- He's there; He's been there and He will be there -- pouring out such love and mystery upon your life and mine.

But we all, with unveiled face beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord,
are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory,
just as from the Lord, the Spirit.
-2 Corinthians 3:18

Love you all.

-Jessie

2006-05-04T01:03:00.000-04:00

You're with me
and now i see
what it means to me
to be a part of such a mystery

***

My friend Lauren (a soon-to-be-sophomore here at Muskingum) and I had a really good conversation last night at Denny's.

It was one of those take-notes-on-a-napkin conversations.

Anyway, we began talking about God as a creative Creator -- whose will, in its astounding perfection -- is bound to floor us.

For lack of a better analogy, I think it's good for followers of Jesus to establish that God isn't the 'old man in heaven,' you know, 'sitting on a throne and harshly judging each person who bites the dust' or something like that.

Lately, though, I've been wondering why God isn't just that 'old guy in the sky.'

Which brings me back to God as a creative Creator. Lauren and I talked about how often we tend to look for the prize -- relationships, sweet summer plans or just the next 'big thing,' and we miss out on the ways in which God is desiring to open our eyes with awe now. You know, even in the small stuff. (Don't sweat the small stuff; enjoy it...?)

As we're walking in His Spirit daily, we'll find ourselves surprised, filled with joy, even -- in response to the ways in which He has so faithfully provided for us.

I can't say that I always believe this, especially because crappy days are definitely a reality, but it's exciting to think about -- really exciting.

My prayer for you, friends, is that whatever stage you find yourself entering, you'd be so ready and willing to live for and be immersed in a God who is anxious to guide you through transition -- and astonish you at that.

"...[He] who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine..." -Ephesians 3:20

Love you all.

-Jessie

2006-05-02T01:39:00.000-04:00

We are in the process of being molded into more teachable followers of Jesus.

In the process of understanding the ways in which God really is consistently and abundantly providing for us, however, we can be overwhelmed by 'basic' truths that seemingly haven't soaked in yet...

***

In the last few days, I've had the opportunity to talk to a few friends about praying in boldness -- prayer embracing a God over all, in all and through all -- a God who knows and accepts the essence of who we are -- a God who aches for hearts aware of and prepared for His compassionate power.

If we entrust ourselves to a God who, in our depravity, chose to step into flesh and live, be crucified and be raised for us -- a God who is actively doing some big-time revamping in our lives -- can we also trust in Him to understand the desires of our hearts, and to actively respond without us "dancing around" Him?

I know this is something He is wanting to teach me about, and I pray (in increasing boldness...) that wherever you are in your journey with God, you too will be enthralled by Him and the ways in which He is working even now in your own life as well as His passion for honest, seeking hearts.

More on this later, for sure. For now, it's time to get some high quality REM. ;)

Keep seeking Him.

-Jessie